My, Thass Purdy

Oh yeah, gotta get me wunna those:


I wonder what they charge for one of them cool hats?
Me and the guys could wear them fishing, golfing, . . . Hell, if I could get one in camo for huntin', I'd be set!

Yeah. Paint a target on my ass while you're at it.

Another Fishing Funny

Dear Abby:

When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing; she not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?


Thanks, A fisherman
p.s. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught.




Dear Fisherman,
Get rid of that narrow minded wife. Those are some nice bass !

Quote of the Day

God Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

(unknown)

This Day in History - Cosmonauts

From HistoryChannel.com:

1971 Soviet cosmonauts perish in reentry disaster

The three Soviet cosmonauts who served as the first crew of the world's first space station die when their spacecraft depressurizes during reentry.

On June 6, the cosmonauts Georgi Dobrovolsky, Vladislav Volkov, and Viktor Patsayev were launched into space aboard Soyuz 11 on a mission to dock and enter Salyut 1, the Soviet space station that had been placed in orbit in April. The spacecraft successfully docked with the station, and the cosmonauts spent 23 days orbiting the earth. On June 30, they left Salyut 1 and began reentry procedures. When they fired the explosive bolts to separate the Soyuz 11 reentry capsule from another stage of the spacecraft, a critical valve was jerked open.

One hundred miles above the earth, the capsule was suddenly exposed to the nearly pressureless environment of space. As the capsule rapidly depressurized, Patsayev tried to close the valve by hand but failed. Minutes later, the cosmonauts were dead. As a result of the tragedy, the Soviet Union did not send any future crews to Salyut 1, and it was more than two years before they attempted another manned mission.

What struck me was that the dude was trying to close the valve and couldn't. Imagine what may have been going through his mind at the time.
Anyone who has ever had a near death experience can surely attest to those feelings.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Find someone to sleep with"

No thanks. I have my teddy.

Quote of the Day

"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."
(Linda Evangelista)

Take heed Hollywood. For that matter, the rest of the world.
Remember, these are actors and actresses. Paid professionals. They are there to act - do what they're told.

This does not give them any sort of credentials when dealing with world events.

What A Shitty Way To Get Your Rocks Off

My first thought is, 'It ain't worth the trouble':

Peeping Tom Pulled From Outhouse Tank

"ALBANY, N.H. - A 45-year-old man was arrested after a teenage girl found him staring at her from below an outhouse seat, police said. Police said they pulled Gary Moody, from Gardiner, Maine, from the waste tank under a log cabin outhouse on Monday.

'We had to decontaminate him,' said Capt. Jon Hebert of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department, adding that firefighters hosed the man down before police handcuffed him. 'We treated him as if he were hazardous material,' Hebert said.

Moody was charged with criminal trespass. Hebert said he could face more charges.

Moody was freed on bail for a July 19 appearance in Northern Carroll County District Court in North Conway."

My second thought is: "Ugh".

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I posted this comment on another blog, responding to a post in reference to the eminent domain bullshit ruling by the great minds of the supreme court.

But I also wanted to put it out here.

Property is property, right?
Any personal posession is part of your property. Land, house, car, gun, ...

The constitution suffered another kick in the nuts in this case, and people are totally up in arms about it (including me). I have yet to hear of anyone 'for' this decision, except 5 supreme court morons, and the muffled roar of an indeterminate number of developers everywhere stifling moans whilst creaming their jeans.

Funny though, how a big chunk of the population thinks it's okay to step all over the second ammendment trying to take away other personal property which we have a right to own.

I guess it's all acceptable as long as it's for the good of the public.

Sounds like it's time to put a Ten Commandments plaque in the front yard, paint a flag on the roof, sit there with my guns and wait for 'the man' to come and take try to take my home.


Allah be praised.


Update: I wish him the best of luck:

Weare, New Hampshire (PRWEB) Could a hotel be built on the land owned by Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter? A new ruling by the Supreme Court which was supported by Justice Souter himself itself might allow it. A private developer is seeking to use this very law to build a hotel on Souter's land.
[. . .]
The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."
[. . .]

Mouth; meet foot.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Hi! My name's Lily, wanna see me nude? asynchrony"

Sure. Why not.

Just Wondering

So if you paint the American flag on your roof, would that keep your house from being bulldozed due to eminent domain?

Mixed Emotions

I'm not sure where I stand on this:

Man sentenced to have eyes gouged out in Iran

Amnesty International is calling for a sentence of eye gouging against a man in Iran not to be carried out. The 28-year-old man, known only as Vahid, has been sentenced to have his eyes surgically gouged out for a crime committed when he was 16 years old.

In the first couple paragraphs, I shuddered a little thinking about how horrible it would be to feel the dread of knowing you are going to lose your sight. You will never see again at all. You'll be put under, and awake a short time later totally blind.
Totally inhumane, sick, barbaric. Crazy rag-headed fuckers are up to their shit again.

Then I went on to read the rest of the article:

[snip]
According to Iranian press reports, Vahid was convicted of deliberately pouring acid from a battery on the face of another youth, Gholam-Hossein, blinding him. This took place in 1993, when Vahid had been working as a labourer in the capital, Tehran.

Vahid reportedly maintained throughout his trial that the attack was not intentional and that he had only meant to threaten the youth with the battery during an argument, but the battery�s lid had opened accidentally, causing the injury.
. . .

I wasn't there, I don't know if it was deliberate or an accident. But if it were truly deliberate, he deserves to have it done. Too bad more courts in this country don't feel the same way sometimes.

If it was an accident, well, the stupid shit shouldn't have been meesing around with a battery full of acid because accidents do happen. He may feel bad about it, but I don't think the victim will care how many times he hears "I'm sorry", he'll never see again.

It sounds like 'An eye for an eye' may very well be justified here.


via Release the Hounds

Fishing Funny

Twenty Differences between fishing and sex

#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still fish.

#19 - A limp rod is still useful while fishing.

#18 - You don't have to hide your fishing magazines.

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to fish with you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up

on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 - Your fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to fish with a total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you fishing together.

#11 - If your regular fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you fish with someone else.

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you fish by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy fishing stuff.

#7 - You can have a fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to fish with you

without getting sued for fishing harassment.

#6 - There are no fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity, fishing.

#1 - Your fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just fished last week! Is fishing all you ever think about?"

Quote of the Day

Always remember:

A good friend will help you move.
A real good friend will help you move a body.

Author unknown. At least by me.

From The 'DUH!' Files

Snow says oil prices hurting economy-CNBC:

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Record high oil prices are beginning to take their toll on the U.S. economy, but not enough to halt or reverse the recovery, U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow said on Tuesday.

'Energy prices are way too high,' Snow said on CNBC television. 'Clearly, it's hurting.'"

Wow! That dude is right on top of things. I think I heard something along those lines back in oh, October was it?

I'm sure once we kick Iraq's ass and steal all their oil we'll be in good shape though. We'll bomb a few more mosques and kill some innocent civilians. That's what it's all about, right?

If you answered "Yes", go to Home Depot and see if they still have any glass bellybuttons.

Spam Subject of the Day

"With know it runny bespoken"

Sounds like you're talking out your ass.

Social Tips for Rednecks

In General...

• Never take a beer to an interview.
• Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
• It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
• If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
• Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

• When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
• If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in your home

• A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
• Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene

• While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
• Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
• Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
• Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)

• Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
• Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."
• Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theater Etiquette

• Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
• Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings

• Livestock, usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
• Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
• For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
• Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette

• Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
• When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
• Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
• When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
• Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession

House Votes Against United Airlines Pension Default

From Roto-Reuters:

"The U.S. House of Representatives voted on Friday to block bankrupt United Airlines from defaulting on its pension plans and shifting them to the nation's pension insurer, the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp. (PBGC)."

I persoanlly think it Enron should be illegal for a company Enron to even have the ability Enron to default on a major obligation Enron like this.

There you are, after working for years at a company, thinking you've paid your dues and have your retirement, only to find out that you're now poor. You have nothing coming to you.

Hey, it's a competitive world. If you can't make it, then fold. Sell your airplanes to pay off your debts. Quit asking the government to bail you out.

It should be illegal to screw all the people who have already earned their money so the big execs at the airline can still have their salaries, their benefits, their perks, their bonuses, . . . To the tune of millions of dollars a year.

But then, I have a computer degree not a business or government degree. What the hell do I know?

You Mean Rape Isn't Always Proper?

Good news from the middle east:

When Mukhtaran Mai, a simple, uneducated peasant of a small village, was gang raped on the orders of a local council, her life was supposed to be over. In Pakistan's tribal and feudal culture, rape victims are usually ostracized. But Ms. Mai refused to back down, dedicating her life to social work and to changing attitudes about women.

"I had only three choices. Either to commit suicide by jumping in a well or shed tears all my life like any other victim in such cases. Or I could challenge the cruel feudal and tribal system and harsh attitudes of society," says Mai in a phone interview with the Monitor.

For three years, Mai has been fighting an uphill battle for justice against the culprits. Monday she is set to appear in Pakistan's Supreme Court to seek punishment for 12 men, including four alleged rapists. Lower courts put one of her attackers behind bars for life, but five other convicted men were freed on appeal because of a "lack of sufficient evidence."

I'm glad to hear about this. At least one woman over there realizes this sort of shit is wrong and is doing something about it. But I'm sure we'll hear about her dead in the gutter before long, a bullet hole in her head. Fucking moron towel headed 'Tribal Elders '. Yeah, they know what's best.

I wish her the best of luck.

Straight Pride Day(s)

I missed it. Again this year.

Evidently, June 9th is 'Straight Pride' day. But then, I guess I have 364 days to celebrate Straight Pride. Sort of like a Happy Unbirthday, huh?

I'm a breeder. But I don't feel compelled to 'celebrate' that situation.

Just sayin'.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Go all night!"

Where?

Spam Subject of the Day

"Meet women in your area that want to f:u:c:k!"

Oh yeah. That's a challenge.

From My Comments:

As always... Rachael said...

I'm copying and pasting all of these jokes to send to the soldier I adopted... do you mind? I'm not taking any credit for them... but I'll give yu credit if they're original.

Hell no I don't mind! I put this stuff out there for other folks to enjoy, hate, puke at, laugh at, object to, confirm, whatever. So everyone is welcome to pass them along.

I can't claim any of these jokes as my own. I get them all from somone or somewhere else myself, either as cut-n-paste or emails. I'm not very good at coming up with jokes myself, and if something tickles my fancy, I'll throw it out there for y'all to hopefully chuckle at.

So have at it!

This Kid Is Still Alive?

Cory Williamson, 17, is in jail accused of raping his neighbor's dog; and is awaiting trial on charges of molesting a 3-year-old girl and the statutory rape of a 13-year-old girl.

"When I got here we were laying on the deck looking at him and he had his pants down and he was doing sexual activity with the dog like a man would do to a woman."

Ugh. They want him out of te neighborhood. Go figger.
I can't believe he was able to leave the neighborhood without being strapped to a gurney.

Here's A Funny

A man standing in line at the check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.

"Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! " Then he got a little panicky."I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had a wild time on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No," she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!"

Doom And Gloom And Fire And Brimstone And...

From Roto-Reuters:

Flu pandemic could kill half million in U.S.-report:

"A more serious strain strikes every few years and a so-called pandemic strain emerges once every 27 years, on average. The more virulent strains sweep around the world within months.

Pandemics hit in 1918 -- killing up to 40 million people globally -- 1957 and 1968. Health experts all say the world is overdue for another and fear the avian flu in Asia may be it."

Of course this is another result of global warming. Ozone layer, vehicle emissions, "Bush lied - birds died" and so on. The doomsdayers just eat this shit up.

And I'm sure there will be another shortage of flu shots - that is, until flu season is over. At which time we'll find out there are millions of doses left over.

Spam Subject of the Day

"The travel go renaissance divisor"
Just what I've been looking for.

A Funny

My favorite comic strip character of all time is Andy Capp:

Tom Jones was the first one that came to my mind.
Wayne Newton was second.

Care to add to the list?

Oh Yeah, This Reeks In Ways We Can Only Imagine Right Now

From the Washington Post:

Supreme Court Expands Government's Right to Seize Homes

The Supreme Court today effectively expanded the right of local governments to seize private property under eminent domain, ruling that people's homes and businesses -- even those not considered blighted -- can be taken against their will for private development if the seizure serves a broadly defined "public use."

In a 5-4 decision, the court upheld the ability of New London, Conn., to seize people's homes to make way for an office, residential and retail complex supporting a new $300 million research facility of the Pfizer pharmaceutical company. The city had argued that the project served a public use within the meaning of the Takings Clause of the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution because it would increase tax revenues, create jobs and improve the local economy.

A group of homeowners in New London's Fort Trumbull area had fought the city's attempt to impose eminent domain, arguing that their property could be seized only to serve a clear public use such as building roads or schools or to eliminate blight. The homeowners, some of whom had lived in their house for decades, also argued that the public would benefit from the proposed project only if it turned out to be successful, making the "public use" requirement subject to the eventual performance of the private business venture.

The Fifth Amendment also requires "just compensation" for the owners, but that was not an issue in the case decided today because the homeowners did not want to give up their property at any price.

So there I was sitting on the crapper, and I hear the Supreme Court in the stall next to me. The Supreme Court asked "Hey, mind if I borrow your copy of the constitution? I need to wipe my ass."

Get that? It would increase tax revenue. So since it will make money for the government, the government has the right to take the property. What bunch of shit.

This is a nasty precedent. A developer promises a politician there's money to be made. That right now is enough to take your property. Get that? YOUR property.

This is not a project for public use. This is so Pfizer, a pharmaceutical company can put a building there. Everybody wins though, right? Pfizer makes money, the government makes money, and hey. Even the homeowner makes money. Or not. Depending on how generous the local government feels that day.

There are gazillions of acres of vacant land in this great big US of A. Why is it that the only place Pfizer can build this building is where they need to kick people out?

Announcement

Okay, I have an announcement to make to the entire internet:

Mars will not be spectacular this month and next.
Earth is not catching up to it and yes, the next time Mars may come that close is in 2287.

That email still floating around was originated back when this event was going to occur 3 years ago.
This August, Mars will be 'up' during the day. In other words, Mars is on the other side of the sun from us. Not very close. We won't be able to see it.

So quit sending me announcements. Please.


Praise Allah.

Take A Minute...

Referring back to this post, pooke wrote this comment:

"We haven't forgotten. Over three deployments I've "adopted" 3 soldiers, a Marine and an entire AF unit. God Bless Them All."

pooke is referring to Soldiers' Angels.

Go take a look and spread the word. It could brighten someone's day.

Thanks for showing me that link pooke.

Spam Subject of the Day

New C�al�s CHEWABLES! Save 60%! NEW!
C�al�s takes effect �n 15 m�nutes!

More of that cool spelling stuff. Spiffy.

Our Unbiazed Reporters

If I hadn't read this story on these interwebs, I'm thinking I never would have heard about it.
So from the Washington Post, via Ray's Coffee Break:

Soldier Earns Silver Star for Her Role in Defeating Ambush

Friday, June 17, 2005; Page A21 Sgt. Leigh Ann Hester fought her way through an enemy ambush south of Baghdad, killing three insurgents with her M-4 rifle to save fellow soldiers' lives -- and yesterday became the first woman since World War II to win the Silver Star medal for valor in combat.

Funny how she got about one millimeter of coverage as compared to the 10 miles Jessica Lynch got for wrecking a truck.

A Funny

Since there's a full moon, I thought this would be appropriate:

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.

"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked
meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna
eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home
from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food
own my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing
things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the
window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself,
"I guess it's that time of the month."

Ain't That A Hoot

At least he had the balls to step up to the mike:

Sen. Durbin Apologizes for Gitmo Remarks:

"A week after comparing interrogation at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp to the methods of Nazis and other repressive regimes, Sen. Dick Durbin apologized on the Senate floor.

'Some may believe that my remarks crossed the line,' said the Illinois Democrat, at times holding back tears. 'To them I extend my heartfelt apologies.'

Durbin said he never intended disrespect for U.S. soldiers around the world.

'They're the best,' he said Tuesday.

His apology drew praise from Republicans."
[. . .]

Yes, he talked some shit he shouldn't have talked. It jumped up and bit him on the ass too.

But of course, whiney-assed democrats such as Senator Dianne Feinstein and congresswoman Nancy Pelosi both of California, as well as the rest of the anti-Bush, Chimpy McHitlerBurton crowd, have latched on to his first statement and run with it. Trying as usual, to get attention for themselves and discredit the current government and bitch about the elected officials. Which, in case no one knows this, were elected by the majority of Americans.
They'll take any thing they can and refuse to let it go. Just like a stray hair that has somehow gotten caught on the back of your tongue and just refuses to break loose, gagging you with every word uttered.

Should allegations of abuse at Gitmo be investigated? Yes. Is it? Yes.
I have yet to hear anything going on there even remotely as disgusting as prisoners get treated under the supervision of al queda or taliban assholes.

Give it rest already.

WOOHOO!

Say. Anybody remember this other little spat going on?:

Afghans say over 60 Taliban dead in fierce fighting:

"Afghan and U.S. troops backed by warplanes have killed more than 60 Taliban guerrillas in southwestern Afghanistan in the bloodiest fighting in months, officials said on Wednesday.

Afghan officials said eight members of the Afghan security forces had also died in the fighting in the north of Kandahar province to suppress a surge in guerrilla violence in the run-up to Sept. 18 parliamentary elections.

The U.S. military said earlier its initial estimates were of 40 guerrilla dead, but spokeswoman Lieutenant Cindy Moore said this figure could rise as more reports from the field came in.

She said five U.S. troops had been wounded."

[emphasis mine]
In case you forgot, we still have a lot of troops in Afghanistan. And apparently, they're still doing their job over there.

A big pat on the back from me.

Spam Subject of the Day

"PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR CHARTER ONE BANK INTERNET BANKING IDENTITY"

JUMPIN' JEEZUS - I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT!!!

I thought I had already taken care of that.

Some Funnies

New PC phrases for women:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She IS "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is A "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She Is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO -BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."



New PC phrases for men:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

11. He does not have his head up his ass - He has "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-track: We may still have time,

Curmudgeon: Sure, sure.

8-track: We might still get by.

Curmudgeon: Absolutely!

8-track: Every time I think about it I want to cry.

Curmudgeon: It isn't that bad, is it?

8-track: With the bombs and the devils and the little kids keep coming?

Curmudgeon: Well, yeah...

8-track: Nowhere to breathe easy no time to be young!

Curmudgeon: Oh come on now. Take a seat. Chill a minute.

8-track: But I tell myself that I’m doing alright.

Curmudgeon: Sure. You're fine.

8-track: There’s nothing left to do tonight, but go crazy on you!

Curmudgeon: Whoa! Back up there. Let's not get carried away just yet.

A Quote of the Day

I had to chuckle when I read this. Mostly I guess, because if this is the case, then I'm a happy person. I have more than once, started pointing out cool things to passengers when I have had to take a detour:

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."

Here's another good one:

"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it."

It sometimes can be a worthwhile investment.


Update: Spiel chekar? Phukk thet!

Spam Subject of the Day

"Fuel savers?"
"Cable filters?"

Everything I need. Peachy.

Guantanamo Goofballs

So now Big Bad Bill is jumping on the bandwagon:

'Close or clean up' Guantanamo - Clinton:

LONDON (Reuters) - Former President
Bill Clinton has said the United States should either 'close down or clean up' the Guantanamo Bay prison for foreign terrorism suspects.

In an interview with the Financial Times published on Monday, Clinton said American or British troops would be at much greater risk if they had a reputation for abusing people.

'Well, it either needs to be closed down or cleaned up,' Clinton said when asked whether the camp on Cuba should close.

It would matter if there was really abuse going on there. Sure, maybe the prisoners aren't happy. But there is no proof things are happening on any sort of scale compared to the grief those assholes cause when they're not in being held in prison.

Joke of the Day

Here's a classic that still makes me chuckle:

On their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, the woman comes downstairs in the morning to find her husband sitting at the breakfast table crying.
When she asked him what was wrong, he replied "You know if I would have murdered you instead of marry you, I could have been paroled by now."

Spam Subject of the Day

"Posses the new drags you need, now! casserole"

- casserole?

Dad's Shoes

I originally posted this little poem here back in December 2nd, which would have been my dad's birthday. But since this is father's day, I'll go ahead and repost it.
So with that, here is a poem I wrote in 1993 while remembering him one year.

Daddy's Shoes

An old pair of shoes
Left alone in the hall,
Right there on the floor
Sitting next to the wall.

"These were Daddy's shoes"
Ma said as we passed,
On the way to the room
Where Dad had slept last.

He left this world happy
And said on that day
"I've led a full life."
We still miss him today.

But we all had the chance
To have our lives filled,
With his knowledge and wisdom,
Our souls he helped build.

So we look back and smile
And know he loved us all.
I gaze at those worn shoes
Sitting there in the hall.

I think of the roads
On which he has passed
The giving without taking
Doing without being asked.

Someday I'll be as good a man
I'll have paid all my dues
But not 'till I've walked a mile or more
In my Daddy's shoes!

I don't mind if anyone wants to pass this along. All I ask is you don't pass it off as your own.

Spam Subject of the Day

"maritime vp dairy cc salesmen sfn aspire xlr anhydrous dus pawtucket ri pinto rcj decommission ft"

Go ahead and swallow that wad so I can understand you.

Into The West

I was somewhat skeptical about even watching the show, since it's a six week mini-series. Briefly, it's a drama about how the west was settled. From both the indians and white mans' perspective.

But I thought I would give it a try last weekend and I sort of enjoyed it, if for no other reason than the scenery. Someone (Speilberg?) really spent some time, money and effort on looking for beautiful places and perfect lighting to film it.

So I decided to go ahead and watch it again last night, and if I happened to make it through all six weeks, fine. If not, well, I never saw 'Roots' either, so I figured I could live without seeing this thing too.

Then last night, in the first half hour, they soured me completely on it. They turned what could have been a good story into a tree-hugging, PETA loving, bong sucking, kumba-ya singing 'Who allowed those barbarians to do the things the did' type of show, and cast aside any semblance of truism.

Here's what happened on the show. The wagon train full of men, women and children was headed across the prairie on their way out west, and a herd of buffalo (a very small herd, as compared to the millions that used to roam the prairie) came along. The guides, being the more experienced of the train and also the leaders, hunters, security detail etc., shot a couple of the buffalo to provide meat for the train. The women of the train came unglued. Jumped up, screamed "How could you kill those beautiful animals?" at the guides, and generally had a conniption.

Now granted, I wasn't there. I wasn't even alive back then. So I can't say for a fact how anyone would behave in that situation. But I do know that in those days,

• Women were of the mind to 'follow their man anywhere'. If the man provided food for the family, the women weren't going to squawk about it. This was lifetimes before the sexual revolution of the 1960's.
  
• No one, especially a woman, was going to confront a man of that stature. I.e., wagon boss, guide, explorer, buffalo hunter. These men were not to be reckoned with. They earned their stripes and they would never have put up with anyone questioning their actions. They were the 'ship captains' of that wagon train. Anyone questioning their orders or not following them to a 'T' would be turned around and sent back east.
  
• After living on dried meat, salt pork or even jerky for weeks on end, no one was going to pass up a slab of fresh meat. One buffalo could feed a family of four for probably two years. A train of hundreds would only require the meat of two or three buffalo a week.
  

So anyway, the bogus-ness pissed me off and I won't have to worry about missing the next four weeks. It would probably be sleighload of shit anyway.

Spam Subject of the Day

"cockeye ulb amoeba or partial wr constitution"

Yeah, that makes sense.

Beer And Bullets

Okay, so maybe these guys get a little carried away.

B'yuk.

So here's my contribution:

I hope it's not too big of a deal that he's only holding it with one hand.

Friday Funny

Question:
Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?

Answer:
BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK!

Spam Subject of the Day

"no room for cellulite in a bikini"

Somehow though, there are folks who still insist there is.

Shaka Oprah

From the 'Who Gives A Shit' files, Via BBC:

US chat show host could be a Zulu:

DNA experts have questioned Oprah Winfrey's belief that she is a member of South Africa's Zulu nation.

The African-American chat-show host announced during a recent visit to South Africa that she had had a DNA test that had shown her to be a Zulu.

She also told South Africans she felt 'at home' in the country.

'I went in search of my roots and had my DNA tested, and I am a Zulu,' Ms Winfrey said at a seminar in Johannesburg last week.

Hmm. I always thought she was American(?).
So "she felt 'at home' in the country"? Bummer she didn't stay there.

Me? Glad you asked. I'm American-Mutt.
Sure, years ago some people floated over here on a boat, and I am descended from them. But genes have become so intermingled since then, no telling what percentage of what 'root' I am. And you know what? Is doesn't make shit bit of difference. I was born and raised in the United States, and knowing who in my family tree pollinated whom doesn't make any difference to me. This isn't a caste society inasmuch as some people would like to perpetuate that attitude sometimes.

Now who the people are and what they did with their lives is where my pride comes from.
That's heritage and ancestry to me.

This Day in History - Miranda

This Day in History:

1966 The Miranda rights are established

The Supreme Court hands down its decision in Miranda v. Arizona, establishing the principle that all criminal suspects must be advised of their rights before interrogation.

Ah. The Miranda. Where countless boogy-men have walked because they didn't have a simple phrase quoted to them. Sweet.

Revised Miranda:

You have the right to swing first. However, if you do choose to swing first, I have the right to kick the shit out of you.
You have the right to have a priest and a doctor present at the time of the ass-kicking.
If you cannot afford a doctor or are not presently attending a church of your choice one will be appointed for you. Do you understand what I have just told you, ASSHOLE?

Spam Subject of the Day

"I need to tell you something"

Well, get on with it then.

Uuuhhh, What?

I . . . I . . . I just don't get it.

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian rape victim is being forced by village elders to "marry" her rapist -- her father-in-law, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

Community leaders in Charthawal village, backed by local Muslim clerics, believe that by being raped, 28-year-old Imrana's 10-year marriage has been nullified under Islamic law, The Asian Age newspaper said.

Holding a special council on Sunday, village leaders ordered the mother of five to leave her husband, Noor Mohammed, and live with her parental family for seven months and 10 days and make herself "pure" again, The Age said. It did not say how she becomes pure.

After that, she must "marry" her father-in-law and live with him, along with his legal wife.

"She... will then be like a mother to Noor Mohammed," the paper quoted local cleric Shamim Ahmad saying.

Her four brothers have agreed to the edict. She has not but in India, victims of crime often have nowhere to turn and with even her own family supporting the edict she may have little choice.

I don't care what society you live in. How can you possibly be so Got-damn stupid as to think this is anywhere near being correct/proper/normal/commanded.
Oh yeah, I forgot. Since she's a woman in that moron society, she must have done something to entice daddy dearest into fucking her against her will. For shame.

And we're outsourcing our jobs to these dick-drips?

Allah be FUCKING praised.

No, Really?

From Roto-Reuters:

Schiavo had irreversible brain damage-autopsy

Terri Schiavo, a Florida woman who died in March after a fierce right-to-die battle that involved the U.S. Congress, was severely brain damaged and had no hope of recovery, said a medical examiner who made the results of an autopsy public on Wednesday.

No shit. Good gawd. I'm glad this was announced. I never would have guessed.

Nude Gymnastics

Hmm. Since the action is sometimes slower, it would probably be more entertaining than nude figure skating. But again, for my sake, it must only be women.

Damn! They're Still There

From the AP:

California Quake Prompts Brief Tsunami Warning

SAN FRANCISCO - A powerful earthquake jolted the ocean floor off the Northern California coast, triggering a brief tsunami warning that sent thousands of residents evacuating a community that was hit by a killer wave four decades ago.

The feared tsunami did not materialize, and there were no reports of significant damage or injuries.

California hasn't slid into the ocean yet. Oh well. There's still hope.

Spam Subject of the Day

Dennis said hi
Edward said hi
Becky said hi
Jeanne said hi

Well fuck you all. I don't know any of you.

Excerpts From The Conversation By The Coffeemaker This Morning

1st guy:

2nd guy:

1st guy:

2nd guy:

1st guy: Looks like it's done.

2nd guy: Yup.

1st guy: Well, back to the 'grind'.

2nd guy: Yup.

A Funny

Bubba's Autopsy

Bubba died in a fire and was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were called for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Daryl looked and said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and he was pretty sure of the body's identity.

Gomer was then brought in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew about it, too. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

Glad To Hear It

In reference to this post where parents hosting a party for their daughter got sued because some idiot teens who attended their party got all tanked up, wrecked a car, and killed a girl, it seems the jury found the hosts to not be responsible for the morons' behavoior:

With its verdict, reached after two and a half hours of deliberation, the panel found that the O'Briens did not violate Florida's "Open House Party" law, which says that property owners must take reasonable steps to prevent underage drinking on their premises.

Glad to hear it.

Now There's An Idea

I'll go ahead and throw out the obligatory Michael Jacksoff post, like probably 97.4% of the rest of the blogs on the interweb. Get it the hell out of the way.

From the AP:

Jackson Won't Share Bed With Kids Again

SANTA MARIA, Calif. - Basking in the jurors' decision to acquit his client of all counts,
Michael Jackson's lawyer said Tuesday the singer will no longer share his bed with young boys.

'He's not going to do that anymore,' attorney Thomas Mesereau Jr. told NBC's 'Today.' 'He's not going to make himself vulnerable to this anymore.'"

Hmmm. Now that's a thought. Keep little boys out of your bed. Your liquor cabinet. Your house.
Stupid fuck.

I personally think he should be in a cell with Bubba getting it in the pooper right now, but hey. I wasn't on the jury.

This Day in History - UNIVAC

From historychannel.com::This Day In History

UNIVAC COMPUTER DEDICATED:
June 14, 1951

On June 14, 1951, the U.S. Census Bureau dedicates UNIVAC, the world's first commercially produced electronic digital computer. UNIVAC, which stood for Universal Automatic Computer, was developed by J. Presper Eckert and John Mauchly, makers of ENIAC, the first general-purpose electronic digital computer. These giant computers, which used thousands of vacuum tubes for computation, were the forerunners of today's digital computers."

And so it began.

Spam Subject of the Day

"This is a reply to the mail you sent me. (Ref. CMRH0748K6T)"

Why of course it is.

It's Ok Then.

I was going to post snippets, but this is just so...so beyond my comprehension, I had to put it all out there.

From the AP, via Yahooooooooo!:

Calif. Mother Explains Fatal Dog Mauling:

SAN FRANCISCO - The mother of a 12-year-old boy killed in his own home by one of the family's two pit bulls said she had been so concerned about one of the dogs that she shut her son in the basement to protect him.

Maureen Faibish said she ordered Nicholas to stay in the basement while she did errands on June 3, the day he was attacked by one or both of the dogs. She said she was worried about the male dog, Rex, who was acting possessive because the female, Ella, was in heat.

'I put him down there, with a shovel on the door,' Faibish told the San Francisco Chronicle. 'And I told him: 'Stay down there until I come back.' Typical Nicky, he wouldn't listen to me.'

Nicholas apparently found a way to open the basement door.

Faibish said she felt compelled to call the Chronicle Saturday to defend herself against widespread public outrage directed at families with children who own pit bulls.

'My kids got along great with (the dogs),' she told the newspaper. 'We were never seeing any kind of violent tendencies.'

Faibish found her son's body in a bedroom. He was covered in blood from several wounds, including a major head injury. No charges have been filed.

Ella was shot to death by a police officer the day of the attack. Rex was taken to a shelter, but Faibish said she wanted him put down.

'I think of Rex as someone who ... murdered my child,' she said."

There is no defense. This woman is nuts. She needs to do some time.
I just can't fathom how anyone in their right mind would lock their kid in the basement because one of their dogs was acting crazy. There were so many other options, like putting the loony dog in the basement, restraining him, put a muzzle him. Or, she could have taken the boy with her on the errands, or if she just didn't want the boys' company, she could have had the boy go with his friends.
. . .

There are so many things she could have done, NOT having children or dogs in the first place is one of them. She obviously is too fucking stupid to care for either.
And now she's trying to justify and defend her actions? The dog murdered her child?
The dog will pay for it yes. It will be killed, but it never would have happened if she would have been a responsible parent.

What a moron.

How Stupid

From Roto-Reuters*:

"Six aid workers, including an American, were arrested in New Delhi on Monday after several children were hurt when candles they were carrying in a march against child labor ignited their hydrogen-filled balloons."

What moron would fill ballons with hydrogen?
Well, I take that back. I may do it for fun, if I was a good distance away and could detonate it remotely, it would make for some entertaining booms.
But to actually use hydrogen instead of say - helium - to pump up balloons, then pass them out to kids? You would either have to be an idiot, or a sadist.

*I'm not going to bother with a perma-link. They just don't last.

Spam Subject of the Day

"For use he without amidships"
I think that would include me.

Fun With GIMP

Couldn't help myself:

"It's so hard to find clothes that will fit me anymore.
Pass those nachos, will you? And that sixpack? And those banana cream pies. Yes, both of them. And how about a bowl of that chili? No - come on now. More... More... More... That's it. Here, hold my turkey leg for a minute. I need to get more gravy."

Hey! That's Me!

Someone has finally some up with a word to describe my identity:

retrosexual (ret.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n.

A man with an undeveloped aesthetic sense who spends as little time and money as possible on his appearance and lifestyle.

Also: retro-sexual.
—retrosexuality n.

In other words, someone who doesn't give even a half of a shit about fashion sense, nor feel the need to be 'metrosexual'. I.e., feel the need to look or act gay, as the case may be.

This Day in History - AAAARRRR!!!

From historychannel.com:

A pirate to be reckoned with makes her mark
June 10th, 1714

When a young man makes a crude pass at 14-year-old Anne Brennan on the streets of Charleston, South Carolina, Brennan beats him so badly that his jaw is broken and he must be hospitalized for months. The strong, quick-tempered girl would later become a notorious pirate who terrorized the Caribbean for several years.

At the age of 16, Brennan married James Bonny and the two settled in the Bahamas. While Bonny tried to make his living informing on the local pirates, Anne began to think that she would rather join the bad guys. She left Bonny and took up with Albert Backhouse, killing his mistress and taking her place in the business of laundering stolen goods for the pirates.

Definitely go read the rest. It is most interesting.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Mouth cut trousers nah ah fit Massa"
Eh?

Because You Need To Know

First, twist the leafy crown from the pineapple.
Next, cut the pineapple into quarters by first halving the pineapple slicing through the middle from top to bottom, then slicing top to bottom of each half.
Next, remove the fibrous core from each quarter by placing the quarter skin-down on the cutting surface and slicing longways between the core and the fruit.
Make sections by gently cutting the fruit down to the skin.
Now remove the sections by cutting between the skin and the fuit.
Present and serve.


Update: Unless you don't eat pineapple.

A Little Advice

If anyone tells you that it may not be a good idea to eat four or more Taco Bell tacos in one sitting, they very well may have a good point.

Yeah. Uh huh.

More on 'The Pussification Of The Western Male':

From:

Move over Rambo, you're cramping new man's style

Macho man is an endangered species, with today's male more likely to opt for a pink flowered shirt and swingers' clubs than the traditional role as family super-hero, fashion industry insiders say.
[...]

"The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned," said Pierre Francois Le Louet, the agency's managing director.

Instead today's males are turning more towards "creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity," as seen already in recent seasons on the catwalks of Paris and Milan.

Not on my planet.
Of course that's what those not quite normal fashion people would say. But then again, that's their own little fucked up world.

And yes, most definitely go read this essay: 'The Pussification Of The Western Male'
One of the most down-to-earth writers on these here interwebs.

Let's Step Back Into The 70's For A Minute

Got some time to kill?
This should keep you entertained for a few minutes.

Sing along with me now...
"♪♫Lite Brite, makin' things with light♪♫. Outtasite, makin' things with Lite Brite♪♫"

Spam Subject of the Day

"did Tricia also sent you this"
Uuuhhh....

Ain't It The Truth

From a new to me blog that I happened to check out today, I bring you this entry.

Via Murdoc Online, in a post where he dares to speculate how the today's media which covers the Iraq invasion, would have covered the Normandy invasion.
Anyway, a couple other thoughts on the matter:

Murdoc Online: June 6, 1944:

What I'm referring to has been called the 'No Right Answer' game. The rules of the game are simple: Anything the military does or says is wrong.

Fun for the whole family.

The game gets kicked up a notch when you can criticize the President of the United States at the same time. Double points if it's a Republican. Triple word score if he's from Texas.

Comparing headlines from June 6th, 1944 to those in 1991 or 2003 can be an interesting exercise, but I'd suggest that the media (big and small) today is as different as it was in 1991 as the 1991 media was from the 1944 media. And it's the coverage during and after the campaign, not just the headlines on day one, that matter.

I don't expect that we'd have seen stories about Mein Kampf mishandling, for instance. (Never mind that we didn't issue Mein Kampf to Nazi prisoners.) Media criticism, especially when deserved and constructive, is a critical component of freedom. But lately we're seeing much that isn't at all constructive and often not deserved at all, let alone worthy of around-the-clock updates. Too much of what we see lately is simply unpatriotic in my book, and that we wouldn't have seen in 1944. Not in the headlines, at any rate."

Gee. That seems to already be a popular game.

Has Michael Moore-on Gone Soft?

Hard to fathom:

Michael Moore Organizes Film Festival

TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. - Director Michael Moore is bringing a film festival to this tourist town in his native Michigan that will feature free outdoor showings of classic movies on an inflatable screen.

Among the films being considered: 'Jaws,' 'Rebel Without a Cause' and 'Casablanca.'

But no 'Fahrenheit 9/11' — or any of the other opinionated movies the liberal activist has made, such as 'Bowling for Columbine.'
[...]

Moore assured the commissioners that the festival, consisting of about 30 movies, will be nonpartisan and dedicated solely to promoting art and culture.
[...]

He organizes a film festival without showing his own movies? I don't believe it!

But then, I'm sure 'This too will pass'.
Sort of like the six chickens, three baked potatoes, two loaves of crispy french bread, four blueberry pies, Big Gulp diet Coke and Twix bar he had for breakfast.

Sissy

So Jimmy needs a backbone:

Carter Calls on U.S. to Shut Down Gitmo

ATLANTA - Former President Carter on Tuesday called for the United States to shut down the Guantanamo Bay prison to demonstrate its commitment to human rights.

"The U.S. continues to suffer terrible embarrassment and a blow to our reputation ... because of reports concerning abuses of prisoners in Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo," Carter said after a two-day human rights conference at his Atlanta center.

Hey Jimmy. See the previous post. There's a guy who's not using his spine any more. Care to borrow it for a while?

Darwin Award Candidate

From the AP:

Man's Leg, Torso Fall Out of Plane in N.Y.

FLORAL PARK, N.Y. - The body of an apparent stowaway was ripped in half during flight Tuesday and his leg crashed into a suburban neighborhood, where a homeowner found the severed limb in the middle of her lawn, authorities said.

Pam Hearne heard 'a loud crash' and later was stunned to see a foot clad in an Adidas sneaker and a sock in her yard, said Officer Thomas Blanchard. The leg, with hip and spine attached, dented the shingled roof of her garage before bouncing into the lawn.

Police suspect the remains are from a stowaway who may have been crushed as the South African Airways jet lowered its landing gear on its approach to Kennedy Airport.

Bwah! Finding a leg on your lawn? What a way to start the day.

Spam Subject of the Day

Soct says hi
tell Abdul not to come over
how is Audra doing

The saga continues.

What Utter Bullshit

This really pisses me off:

Parents of girl killed in car crash sue hosts of party where driver drank

STUART, Fla. (Court TV) — A car crash that left two teens dead and another in prison continues to afflict this small coastal town nearly three years after the fatal accident.

Stephen Bromstrup, 16, allegedly downed several beers that he sneaked into a June 17, 2002, pool party that Barbara and John O'Brien threw for their 14-year-old daughter.

After the party, Bromstrup and two friends, Daniel Downes and Matthew Gordon, climbed into a 1988 Pontiac Firebird and took off through the O'Briens' upscale neighborhood, according to police.

Prosecutors say Bromstrup raced through a stop sign at 70 miles an hour and plowed into a Cadillac.

Two passengers in the Cadillac, Sarah Stone, 14, and Alexandra Quaroni, 13, were killed; another, Jennifer McKinney, 14, was thrown through the rear window and suffered a broken pelvis and fractured skull.

According to police, Bromstrup had a blood-alcohol level of 0.041 percent when he skidded 237 feet into an intersection at about 11:30 p.m. Although the level is below what Florida law considers impaired, Bromstrup was a minor and thus violated the law. Florida law presumes a person is impaired with a 0.08 percent blood alcohol level.

Bromstrup pleaded no contest to vehicular homicide and other related charges and was sentenced to seven years in prison in 2003.

Now, the parents of Sarah Stone are suing the hosts of the cookout for wrongful death.

The complaint, filed in the 19th Judicial Circuit in Martin County, claims the O'Briens broke the law because they did not 'take reasonable steps to prevent the possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages by a minor' at the open party they hosted for their daughter.

The complaint alleges Daniel Downes illegally purchased a 12-pack of beer at A&M Discount Beverage, which he then shared with Bromstrup before and after the cookout.

The complaint also states Bromstrup sped through the 25-mph zone, where the accident occurred at the urging of Downes, who told him, 'Do it again.' The provocation referred to the high speed that they had reached on the way to the party.

What a truckload of shit.
Your daughter has a pool party. Some of her idiot friends get all tanked up before coming to the party. They may or may not have snuck a couple beers when no one was looking. Then they leave the party, down some more booze, wreck the car and end up killing some of your daughters' friends. This is your fault how?
You didn't know they had illegally purchased beer. You didn't know they had drank before, during or after the party, and you definitely didn't give them any while they were there.

The only reason they're getting sued is because of the 'upscale neighborhood' they live in. The parents of the drunk firebird driving morons aren't the ones getting sued here. Can't get blood from a turnip, right?
The quicky-mart they boys bought beer from isn't getting sued here either. No, they'll most likely get more money from the 'upscale' folks than a quicky-mart could ever dish out.

HEY! SARAH STONE'S PARENTS! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!!! GOOD!
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU. IT WASN'T THE O'BRIENS' FAULT. IT WAS THE BOYS WHO DRANK THE BEER AND DROVE THE CAR. BLAME THEM. SUE THEIR PARENTS. THEY OBVIOUSLY LACK THE SKILLS TO RAISE ANYTHING BUT IDIOT SONS.

Fucking morons.

Update:

O'Brien said she encountered underage drinking three times during the party. She was outraged each time, she said, and disciplined the offenders.

Shortly after the party began, O'Brien said she spotted one of the teens, Mario Giardono, shoving a fifth of gin into a bag in the kitchen. She grabbed it out of his hand.

"I knew it was booze and I was so mad," O'Brien told the jury. "I wanted to turn it over his head, and I dumped it."

In testimony lasting much of the day, O'Brien read from her deposition taken after the accident. She said she had a zero-tolerance policy on underage drinking and that whenever she discovered anyone at the party violating that rule, she dumped the alcohol.

"I poured it out," O'Brien said. "That was the punishment."

Okay, so the O'Briens did know there was some drinking going on. But they didn't condone it, provide for it, and definitely didn't allow it.
Sounds like they acted responsibly to me. Some will say she should have called the parents of each of the kids involved, or even the cops. Again I cry Fuck That!. She shouldn't have to deal with that every time the daughter has a get-together. This modern day bullshit of displacing responsibility needs a big wake-up call.

Again I say, when the hell are people going to start taking some responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming everyone but themselves?

Good gawd-amighty.

Spam Subject of the Day

"You can be the one"
I AM the one.

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

Curmudgeon: So how's it going?

8-track: Lonely feelin' deep inside.

Curmudgeon: Sorry to hear that. What are you going to do?

8-track: Find a corner where I can hide.

Curmudgeon: Hide? From what?

8-track: Silent footsteps crowdin' me.

Curmudgeon: Wow man, that sounds sorta scary.

8-track: Sudden darkness but I can see.

Curmudgeon: Whew! That's good.

[...]

A Funny

The power mower was broken and wouldn't run, so Geri kept hinting to her husband, Bob, that he should get it fixed. But, somehow, the message never sank in.
Finally Geri thought of a clever way to make her point. When Bob arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments.

When he came out again, he handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."

The doctors say Bob will probably walk again, but he will always limp.

Spam Subject of the Day

"centrifugal Elixir DM"

Ahhh. Nothing like the centrifugal elixer to get the blood pumping.

What's Next. [Rhetorical]

From Roto-Reuters:

Health costs of obesity exceed smoking and drinking

Treating obesity-related disorders costs as much or more than illnesses caused by aging, smoking and problem drinking.

What a surprise.
So now insurance rates will go up and coverage will go down based on someone's weight, all because the insurance companies recognize the fact that they have to shell out benefits to fatties along with smokers, drinkers and druggies.

Spam Subject of the Day

Actually, a few:

"60 Jahre Befreiung: Wer feiert mit?"
"Transparenz ist das Mindeste"
"Verbrechen der deutschen Frau"

Now I'm getting shit in German?

Spontaneous Non-Fiction

She lay there, her little heart broken. Literally.

At fourteen years old, she had lived a good life, though it hadn't started out that way.
She was separated from her family when she was very young, fostered by a somewhat noncaring family.
Another stranger had empathy for her and asked to foster her. Her overbearing attitude and unwillingness to coexist forced him to look for another who could take her in. That's how she ended up in our home.

She would run and play, enjoying the freedom, the sunshine, the soft grass. It was nice to find a nice shady spot under the trees to rest in. To listen to the sounds of summer.

That day it was pain. She couldn't breathe. Her chest was pounding. She felt sick. All she wanted to do was lie down.
I sat down beside her and softly stroked her hair, talking softly, trying to comfort. She laid her head on my lap and brought her sad eyes to mine. I'll never forget the scared and pained look.

The doctor said she had coded on the table. Her heart had quit. There was nothing more we could have done, and they had done everything they could do. She was gone. The pain was gone, and she had lived a good life.


Every once in a while, I think of the look that damn dog gave me as she crawled over to put her head on my lap. Even though it has been over five years now, it sneaks up on me sometimes.

Unbelievable

So there you are, sitting in your trailer, parked at a trailer park managed by a casino. You're 'living' there with your husband and your two daughters. The oldest - Brittany - is 10 years old, and the youngest - Kristyanna - is 3.
After doing a little meth and tossing back a few cocktails, your husband and you decide to go into the casino and do a little gambling. No big deal, you've done it plenty of times before. Three or four nights a week. Brittany will take care of little Kristyanna while you're out. There's enough food for them to fix a little something to eat, and if they get lonely or scared, they can run down to the laudromat and hang out there with the other people from the park.

Time to do a little wheeling and dealing. You need a little more gambling money. Well now, there's a couple teenagers, Beau and his sister Monique Maestas. They're looking for a good time so you make a deal to sell them a little meth. Trouble is, you don't really have meth. You only want to take the those two punk-ass, pimply-faced teens' money. Fuck 'em. You can pull it off. The deal is on. They give you $125, you give them a bag of table salt.

Well Beau isn't very happy with the effects of their new product. He decides to go fix things, so he heads back to your trailer. You're not home, the kids won't answer the door, so Beau gets back in his grandmothers' Honda and drives away.
Beau is still upset. He stews for a while. He's smoked some meth earlier in the day. He gets back in the Honda with his sister and his girlfriend and heads back to your trailer, vowing to either cut your or cut one of your fingers off in retaliation.

Damn kids won't open the door. Beau says mommy is hurt, so Brittany opens the door. Beau and Monique go in the trailer and Beau puts his hand over Brittany's mouth to keep her quiet.
The kids start struggling and screaming. They won't shut up. They won't quit screaming. Mommy isn't home, Beau and Monique are in there with a knife, the kids are scared, they're screaming. They're trying to get away. Beau and Monique start stabbing them to shut them up.

It's a massacre when mommy comes home. She's been gone about four hours now. There's blood all over the trailer. All over Brittany and Kristyanna.

Kristyanna dies in surgery.
Brittany is paralysed from the waist down, and is placed in foster care.
Beau and Monique take off and are arrested in northern Utah.

Now here's the kicker. The Casablanca casino offers up a $5.5 million settlement to help take care of Brittany's expenses and medical care. Now all of a sudden, 'mommy' is thinking she's a fit mother. She wants to take care of her little girl.

What's Brittany's take on this?

Cameras were not allowed in the courtroom but 13-year-old Brittney Bergeron said if her mother, Tammy Bergeron-Schmidt couldn't care for her before she could not care for now that she is in a wheelchair.

Yup. You'll all of a sudden be a good mommy now.
Fucking bitch. Too bad she wasn't home to get cut up.

This Day In History - McCarthy

From historychannel.com:

1954 McCarthy charges communists are in the CIA

Senator Joseph McCarthy charges that communists have infiltrated the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the atomic weapons industry. Although McCarthy's accusations created a momentary controversy, they were quickly dismissed as mere sensationalism from a man whose career was rapidly slipping away.

And so the "Red Scare" begins.
The numb nut was crazy. His career was spiralling swiftly down the toilet, so he created this paranoia to make himself look valid. This only served to make him look crazy.

If we take a step back and look at the loony environmentalists and so-called 'Earth' scientists we have harping on the end of the world these days, there seems to be somewhat of a similarity there. Don't you think?

Spam Subject of the Day

"Ruth said leave tomorrow"
I am.  Weenee.

Funny Quote

"There's plenty of room for all God's creatures.
Right next to the mashed potatoes."

There Is A God

From CourtTV:

Judge: Jurors will not see images of Michael Jackson's penis

The judge in Michael Jackson's child molestation trial ruled Thursday against giving jurors a peek at images of the King of Pop's private parts.

Ugh.


Allah be praised.

I'm Not Sure About This

From the AP:

Lawmaker Wants Lower Soldier Drinking Age

MADISON, Wis. - One Wisconsin lawmaker figures if the U.S. military trusts 19-year-olds with a $10 million tank, then the state should trust them with a beer.
[...]

"We're treating these young men and women as adults when they're at war. But we treat them like teenagers when they're here in the states," he said.
[...]

The bill would create an exemption for 19- and 20-year-old soldiers from Wisconsin — but not for soldiers from out of state. A valid military ID along with a Wisconsin driver's license or identification card would be required.
[...]

Coupla things. On one hand, yes - they are resposible for millions of dollars worth of tanks, missiles, submarines, helicopters and so on. They go to war and kill or die as adults.
On the other hand, is this their decision? Would they be just as responsible if they weren't constantly ordered around? They basically exist, having their hand held from sunup to sundown, being told what to do every minute of their lives.
On the other hand, if you're a responsible drinker, I don't care how old you are. You can have a beer when you're 10 if you want. I don't care. But you better be able to pay for it with your own money.
But on the other hand, how many of these soldiers know non military kids who would just love to go partying with them, but aren't old enough to buy their own hooch?
On the other hand, maybe the bars will only be allowed to sell booze to patrons in the bar and not be able to sell carry-out packages to patrons younger than 21.

So many possibilities.
Like I said. I'm just not sure about the whole deal.

This Day In History - Lawrence Welk

From historychannel.com:

1949 Lawrence Welk's band debuts on High Life Review

On this day in 1949, Lawrence Welk's band begins a two-year stint as the house orchestra for radio show High Life Review. Though often lampooned for his saccharine style, Welk eventually developed an army of loyal fans and hosted one of the longest running musical variety shows in history.

And the world was served musical demerol for many decades.
Not my cup o' tea, but I can't knock the guy. He had quite a following.

"And now we'll hear from the lovely Lemon Sisters..."

Spam Subject of the Day

"williams chickadee fleeing mutagen"
Uh, ok.