"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Think About This

I nabbed this post from one of my regular reads. In the spirit of 'passing it along', I quote it here:

Try driving around as a Gringo in Mexico with no liability insurance and have an accident.

Enter Mexico illegally...Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law or any of that nonsense.

Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.

Procreate abundantly.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with, "It is a cultural United States thing... You wouldn't understand, pal."

Keep your American identity strong. Fly Old Glory from your rooftop or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.

Speak only English at home and in public, then insist that your children do likewise.

Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

Demand to be eligible for Mexican retirement funds into which you never contributed.

Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal presence in Mexico.

Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.

Good luck! Because it will never happen. It will not happen in Mexico or any other country in the world..except right here in the United States...Land of the naive! If you agree, pass it on. If you don't, move to Mexico...or Iraq...or France.

Oh... And one more thing... don't drink the water.

At least they can safely drink our water, as far as I know.

When In Rome...

Bummer. From The Observer:
Indian call staff quit over abuse on the line

Firms provide counselling to help staff insulted by British customers

Abuse from British and American customers is driving increasing numbers of Indian call centre workers from their jobs, defeated by the strain of handling persistent rudeness.

Irate customers was cited as one of the main industry stress factors in a recent survey of call centre staff and some organisations have begun employing psychiatrists and counsellors to help employees to cope.
[...]
I find myself totally unsympathetic. Sure, they're just the average working stiff in the middle east trying to make a buck as far as they're concerned, but have you ever had to deal with them?
I won't even get into the outsourcing jobs to another country aspect, that's pretty much been covered. But hiring someone who can't speak the language is not good service. I don't care what nationality they are. Even if they live in the U.S. Train them properly or don't put them in the position.
If you live here, you should speak the language. If you're representing an American company, you for all intents and purposes, live here as far as the customer is concerned.


That is all.

Spam Subject of the Day

"call Roxie"

Don't know no Roxie.

Friday, May 27, 2005

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-track: Once I rose above the noise and confusion.

Curmudgeon: Oh? And why's that?

8-track: Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.

Curmudgeon: So you got up there a ways, did you?

8-track: I was soaring ever higher.

Curmudgeon: Sounds exciting!

8-track: But I flew too high.

Curmudgeon: Don't it just figure. That always seems to happen with you dope smokin' rock and roll types.

Well, carry on then.

Bling Bling

So what exactly the hell, is this fascination with spinning rims?
You know the ones I'm talking about - those silly-ass wheel rims that keep turning after the car has stopped. Good gawd they look stupid.

I figger they're similar to the streamers in the handlebars of the tricycle I once had, when I was about 5 years old. Maybe the poker cards I clothespinned to the spokes of the bicycle when I was around eight years old.

Teeny boppers have always 'pimped their rides', and I reckon that's just human nature. You can't buy a decent car when you're that age, so you waste a bunch of money on 'tight' shit for the ride. Remember the neon lights that were so popular there for a while? The ones that would go under the car and light up the road? Give the piece of shit a sort of aura or halo? Haven't seen them in a while.

At least the compressors/hydraulics aren't as popular as they used to be. Let's see now. I'm sitting here at this stop light, what can I do. I know, I'll make my car bounce. First the front - bouncebouncebounce. Wheeee!!!! That was fun. Now the back - bouncebouncebouncebounce. Yay!!! Ima do it again - bouncebouncebounce - front bouncebouncebounce - now frontbackfrontback - WHEEEEE!!!!! Ah, light changed. Mego now. How much did that cost me for that system? No matter. It was phat uh, cool uh, bad uh, tight. (What is the praise du jour?).

Now we must have little, teeny low profile tires on spinning rims, and the mufflers. We must have the mufflers. We must make our car look like a go-cart, and make it sound like a japanese motorcycle running in the swimming pool.

Now if we could only get goddamn subwoofers pumping out roughly 1.000E4+ watts off the streets, I could die a happy curmudgeon.

This Day In History - Hmmm.

A 2-fer from historychannel.com:

1895
Oscar Wilde is sent to prison for sodomy

Playwright Oscar Wilde is taken to Holloway Prison in London after being convicted of sodomy. The famed writer of Dorian Gray and The Importance of Being Earnest brought attention to his private life in a feud with John Douglas, the Marquess of Queensbury, whose son was intimately involved with Wilde.

GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE OPENS:

San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge, a stunning technological and artistic achievement, opens to the public after five years of construction.

Let's see. Sodomy and San Francisco. There must be a connection here.


Spam Subject of the Day

"I'm interested ,Please more information, please get back to me"
I'll get right on it.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

California. Good Gawd.

This is just ridiculous. From:
San Francisco Chronicle
Cancer label for foods is considered
State could require warnings in markets

Buying cereal, olives, potatoes, bread, almonds -- even prune juice -- at the grocery store soon might come with a cancer warning from the state of California.
These idiots want to put a warning label on everything. Why? Besides self-serving law inventing bullshit, what good does this actually do?

Sorry, I can't think of anything.
If it did, NO ONE would smoke cigarettes, NO ONE would drink booze, NO ONE would eat fatty foods, the list goes on.
New laws are not the cure-all. There are thousands of laws nationwide concerning drunk driving. Did those laws stop drunk driving? Nyet.
Laws against selling smokes to kids are in place. Does that stop them from smoking? Nyet.
Do I speak Russian? Nyet.
And will adding new laws telling everyone about the hazards of eating cooked potatoes make them stop eating them? Nyet.

I would venture a guess that the majority of the population is not going to be eating raw potatoes with their seared steak or Cheerios.

David And Goliath

So Ken Jennings lost on Jeopardy.
Wow. 70 some-odd games, over a million and a half winnings, and he gets taken down.

I didn't get to see the game last night, but I watched tuesday. He didn't seem to be on the ball like he was during the regular season when he was pretty much stomping all over his opponents.
I wonder if he just didn't care as much. He won big, he set all sorts of records, maybe he just thought enough was enough.

One way or the other, he was brilliant. And it was impressive to watch him.

About Time?

From Roto-Reuters:
Iraq's government said on Thursday it would deploy 40,000 Iraqi troops in Baghdad in a massive crackdown on insurgents who have killed more than 600 Iraqis in a month-long spree of suicide bombings and ambushes.

The dramatic rise in attacks by mostly Sunni Arab guerrillas has raised fears that Iraq could slide toward civil war if the Shi'ite-led government does not deliver on pledges of stability.
Huh. Now let me get this straight. Iraqis don't like the insurgents either? I'm shocked, shocked I say!
Who, besides our government, would have dreamed there were others who thought troops needed to be in Iraq to rid the decent people of the not so decent people? We all know the Iraqis never wanted us there killing their children and blowing up their mosques.
Or do we?

BUSH LIED, QUSAY DIED! WE'RE ONLY THERE TO DROP BOMBS AND TAKE THEIR OIL! HALIBURTON! ILLEGAL WAR! SADAAM'S IN HIS UNDERWEAR! GUANTANAMO BAY!


Allah be praised.

This Day In History - The Duke

Form historychannel.com:

1907 John Wayne is born

John Wayne, an actor who came to epitomize the American West, is born in Winterset, Iowa.
One of my all-time favorite stars.

Spam Subject of the Day

"The Whore Lived Like a German"

Is that good or bad?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Now That's A Cocktail Party

A rowboat?
During the reign of William III, a garden fountain was once used as a giant punch bowl. The recipe included 560 gallons of brandy, 1200 pounds of sugar, 25,000 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and five pounds of nutmeg. The bartender rowed around in a small boat, filling up guests' punch cups.
More useless booze trivia here.

Spam Subject of the Day

"We can send you retaail errection mads wangle"
"♪♫ Wangle tangle...♪♫ wangle tangle...♪♫ wangle tangle..."

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Sadaam In Skivvies

Yup, there has been lots and lots and lots and lots of talk on the news, blogs, and soon in Newsweak I'm sure, of the stupid-assed picture of Sadaam wandering around in his underwear.

UNHOLY! BLASPHEMOUS! ATROCITIES OF WAR! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED! GENEVA CONVENTION! BUSH LIED - OUDAY DIED! HALIBURTON! OH DEAR!

I hope that's not the worst of misery we can inflict upon him while he's in there.

I would rather have seen a picture of Big Ole' Bubba holding a broom handle shoved a couple inches or twelve up his criminal ass, but so far no luck.

In the meantime, pass me the Quran will you? I need to take a shit.

In Which I Wax Exostential

So just where is Waldo anyway?

Plumber's Crack

I don't care if you're a guy or a girl.
Plumber's crack just isn't sexy.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Re: minesweeper Potash, Sulfurated"
Okay, I'm confused again.

Monday, May 23, 2005

A Funny

Back in my high school days, I used to go to most of the home football games. Hang out with friends, shoot the breeze and even watch the games.

So there we were at a game one night and I happened to turn around a could see up the skirt of one of my female classmates. I was of course, a testosterone filled high school student and couldn't believe what I saw, so I told my friend to turn around and take a look at the girls underwear.

Well, he turned around and took a peek, but told me that she wasn't wearing underwear. That was hair we saw.

Not able to settle the argument, we asked a smaller kid running around to sneak up closer to the girl and take a look. Find out if it was underwear or plain hair.

Well, the kid came back after a couple minutes and told us "HA! You're both wrong. It's flies!"


(Not really. Just kidding.)


TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no he lmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Inter net chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TODEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them. CONGRATULATIONS!

(Or your parents are so you can learn a thing or two from them)

This Day In History - Bonnie and Clyde

From historychannel.com:

1934 Bonnie and Clyde are killed by police

Famed fugitives Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker are killed in a police ambush near Sailes, Louisiana. A contingent of officers from Texas and Louisiana set up along the highway, waiting for Bonnie and Clyde to appear, and then unloaded a two-minute fusillade of 187 bullets at their car, killing the criminal couple.

Clyde's shirt after the foray:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Their car:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Attention whores:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Spam Subject of the Day

"Speed up your slow washing machine"
Now THAT's what I've been waiting for.

Friday, May 20, 2005

A Funny


Bubba and Homer were sitting in back of their trailers, shooting the
breeze.

Bubba asked Homer, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out
fishin' an' I made love to yore wife, an' she got pregnant, would that
make us kin?"

Homer scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think so, but it
shore would make us even."




Stooooopids

Two Houston Police Officers Fired

HOUSTON - Two Houston police officers were fired after they were accused of downloading nude photographs of a suspected drunken driver from her camera phone.
[...]
The warrant also alleged that Miller left the woman a message suggesting they meet at an Italian cafe.
Again - 'coupla things here.
Don't go driving after you've been partying it up all night at the dorms
Don't goddamn leave nekkid pictures of yourself where they can be had
Don't go looking at other people's nekkid pictures unless they say you can
Don't go talking about it
Damn sure don't go asking someone out just because you saw them nekkid

Geebus.

You're Serious?

From Roto-Reuters:
A Russian village was left baffled Thursday after its lake disappeared overnight.

NTV television showed pictures of a giant muddy hole bathed in summer sun, while fishermen from the village of Bolotnikovo looked on disconsolately.

'It is very dangerous. If a person had been in this disaster, he would have had almost no chance of survival. The trees flew downwards, under the ground,' said Dmitry Zaitsev, a local Emergencies Ministry official interviewed by the channel.

Officials in Nizhegorodskaya region, on the Volga river east of Moscow, said water in the lake might have been sucked down into an underground water-course or cave system, but some villagers had more sinister explanations.

'I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us,' said one old woman, as she sat on the ground outside her house."
People there still actually think this way? Amazing.


This Day in History - Hydrogen Bomb

From historychannel.com:
1956 United States drops hydrogen bomb over Bikini Atoll

The United States conducts the first airborne test of an improved hydrogen bomb, dropping it from a plane over the tiny island of Namu in the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. The successful test indicated that hydrogen bombs were viable airborne weapons and that the arms race had taken another giant leap forward."
[...]

The hydrogen bomb dropped over Bikini Atoll was carried by a B-52 bomber and released at an altitude of more than 50,000 feet. The device exploded at about 15,000 feet. This bomb was far more powerful than those previously tested and was estimated to be 15 megatons or larger ... Observers said that the fireball caused by the explosion measured at least four miles in diameter and was brighter than the light from 500 suns.
4 miles. That is a BIG-ass mushroom.

Civilization

My wife, my nephew and I were in Alaska a few years back visiting friends and doing a couple fishing charters.

One of the charters departed from a small town named Seldovia (Map Web cams) carved out of the forest in a small bay. Seldovia is a little town of maybe a thousand or so people, about 500 of which are year round residents.
There are two ways to get to Seldovia - by boat or small plane. By small plane, I mean not any bigger than say, a six seater. There are no roads going to the town, dirt or otherwise.
It is roughly a one hour ferry ride from Homer to Seldovia, and about a 15 minute flight.

After arriving in Seldovia, we met up with the captain of the fishing charter, acquired our room for the three days we would be spending, and settled in. The charter didn't leave until early the next morning so we had some time to kill for the rest of the afternoon. The owner of the B&B where we were staying (and charter captain) had a loaner car available, so we asked where a good 'self guided tour' may be. He told us there wasn't much to see by car other than the town and the trees, but that there may be some ripe berries up the canyon a little if we were interested.
He also told us to keep your eyes open. Bears like berries too. "If you leave civilization, you become part of the food chain."

Of course, with those words in the back of our mind, the berry picking excursion was rather swift and intense. The bushes we picked from were no farther off the graded road than we were able to reach with our feet still planted on the gravel. The car doors were left open, the engine was left running, and one person always kept lookout while the rest were picking.

With half of a baseball cap each of berries, we decided that was enough. We had had our tour and with that, headed back to 'civilization'.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Surprise your girlfriend this night and make her feel better!"
My wife may not think much of that idea.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Getta Loada This Guy

Here. Read this shit:
In a Friday sermon (khutba) broadcast by official Palestinian Authority television on May 13, 2005, Sheik Ibrahim Mudeiris told the Muslim brothers that one day Islam will rule America, Britain, and the entire world—and wipe out the Jews.
"We have ruled the world before, and by Allah, the day will come when we will rule the entire world again. The day will come when we will rule America. The day will come when we will rule Britain and the entire world – except for the Jews. The Jews will not enjoy a life of tranquility under our rule, because they are treacherous by nature, as they have been throughout history. The day will come when everything will be relived of the Jews - even the stones and trees which were harmed by them. Listen to the Prophet Muhammad, who tells you about the evil end that awaits Jews. The stones and trees will want the Muslims to finish off every Jew."*
But here is a part of the speech just prior to the above, by this towelhead with the anal-cranial inversion, that just makes me shake my head in total bewilderment:
"Look at modern history. Where has Great Britain gone? Where has Czarist Russia gone? Where has France gone - France, which almost ruled the entire world? Where is Nazi Germany, which massacred millions and ruled the world? Where did all these superpowers go? He who made them disappear will make America disappear too, God willing. He who made Russia disappear overnight is capable of making America disappear and fall, Allah willing."
Uhhh. I dunno. Where did they go?
Take a look. See what happened. These countries were force-led by a psycho doing inhuman things to further their own agenda. Eventually, it was going to end. Badly. Very badly. Which it did. but not before a lot of innocent people had a lot of inhuman things done to them.

So where did they go? They are most likely smoldering right now in the most unimaginable hell we could possibly hope for, with any luck at all.
Maybe Little Kim Il will join them in the near future.

~I wonder why our media outlets haven't mentioned anything about this speech?

*A snippet of this speech, via LGF:

This Just Keeps Getting Better

"Yo Brian. Will ya'll give me a hand over yonder? Y'all owes me fifty bucks."
"'Fraid not. But I can give y'all a fanger. Reckon we'se ayvun?"
"U-yuh. I reckon we'se ayvun."

...at home...
"Look ri-cheer honey. I got this here fanger at work. Brian done lopped it clayn off'n the tailgate u that damn truck."
"Wow! Ima goin' to californy this here weekend. I can stick it in a bowl of chili at Wendy's, then say I found it there. We'll sue and make a fortune!"
The man whose severed finger was planted in a bowl of Wendy's chili in an apparent scheme to swindle the company had given the digit to a co-worker to settle a $50 debt, the San Francisco Chronicle reported on Wednesday.
What a maroon.

Star Wars

Okay, here's my obligitory Star Wars post.

I've seen them all, some not more than once, so I'm not a major fan. But I do like them.
So from what little I know about the latest movie, here's a brief intro to get you stoked:
  • Anakin Skywalker turns evil
  • Leia is born
  • Death Star begins construction
  • George Lucas buys a new yacht

Spam Subject of the Day

Here's a few from today's mail:
is Carol leaving him
Margie said leave tomorrow
tell Leland not to come over
Ruth said leave tomorrow
Carol is leaving Leland, I think. But Margie thinks Carol should wait until tomorrow, then leave. Maybe things will settle down a bit. So tell Leland not to come over, because Ruth also thinks they should wait until tomorrow.
I think I've got it.

Is this like, a spam soap opera?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

What A Ladie's Man

Just how stupid is this guy anyway?
Trooper: DUI Suspect Tried to Hit on Me:
WOODVILLE, Maine - A state trooper says she's baffled by the behavior of a suspect who displayed amorous intentions as she was taking him into custody for getting into a car accident and failing three roadside sobriety tests

"'What did he think I was going to do? Go out on a date with him?' asked Trooper Jennifer Fiske, who arrested Peter Bradley Murray early Sunday morning on Route 116"
Oh well. He'll get plenty of action where he's going.

Hah!













Your Deadly Sins



Sloth: 40%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.


"You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek." ?
So what's wrong with that?

Like an old friend of mine used to say:
"When I die I'm going to have my dick in one hand and a bottle in the other."

A Pat On The Back

From the AP:
Jane Fonda Film Banned From Ky. Theaters :

Tue May 17, 7:47 PM ET

ELIZABETHTOWN, Ky. - The owner of two Kentucky theaters has refused to show the new
Jane Fonda film 'Monster-in-Law' because of the activist role the actress took during the Vietnam War.

Ike Boutwell, who trained pilots during the Vietnam War, displayed pictures of Fonda clapping with a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft crew in 1972 outside the Elizabethtown Movie Palace to show his disapproval. The marquee outside Showtime Cinemas in nearby Radcliff reads: 'No Jane Fonda movie in this theater.'
Good for him. I'm right in line for a Hanoi Jane boycott. The bitch.

This Day In History - Mount St. Helens

From historychannel.com
MOUNT ST. HELENS ERUPTS:
May 18, 1980

At 8:32 a.m. PDT, Mount St. Helens, a volcanic peak in southwestern Washington,
suffers a massive eruption, killing 57 people and devastating some 210 square
miles of wilderness.
If you care to keep tabs on the latest activity, go see the St. Helen's web cam here, or seismic activity here.

Spam Subject of the Day

"where did Lorna go,"
"where did Connie go,"
With Antoinette?
"Antoinette is going in july"
That's nice.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Less Beer, Less Cheeseburgers?

Preventing Stretch Marks

Imagine a balloon that has been blown up and then deflated. No matter how much you blow it up again, it has lost much of its original elasticity and will never look quite the same. So it is with stretch marks. They don't go away entirely.
Six-pack? I'm working on a keg.

Korea Anyone?

I just don't get it. There are some crazy motherfuckers in this world.
We at least got rid of the maggot Hussein, now we need to get Lil' Kim (Kim Il Sung) and his ilk the hell out of Korea:
There are 23 million people living in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea), and all of them – men, women and children – suffer every day under the heel of the most repressive regime on Earth. Their plight has been abandoned and ignored by most of the world for nearly 50 years.
Let me see if I can come up with a short list of things I think are not quite right:

The Korean government:
  • starves its people
  • oppresses its people
  • denies them basic civil rights
  • denies them access to food
  • denies them access to health care
  • does not permit international inspection
  • does not respond to inquiries
  • does not fulfill its United Nations obligations
  • concentrates on keeping the world from North Korea
  • concentrates on keeping Koreans from each other
  • does not tolerate opposition of any kind
Those who are assumed to be less than loyal:
  • are arrested
  • are imprisoned
  • are starved
  • are executed
  • Entire families are detained or "resettled" because of the supposed political deviation of one relative
  • children are punished for the political sins of their parents
  • denied education
  • socially ostracized

What makes them less than loyal? Here are a few things they can't get away with:

  • Any unauthorized assembly or association is regarded as a "collective disturbance" that is punishable.
  • There are reports of severe repression of people involved in public and private religious activities, through imprisonment, torture and executions
  • Many Christians are reportedly being held in labor camps
  • Travel within the country is severely restricted; attempting to leave it is likely to result in beatings, imprisonment and, in some cases, execution.

So what happens if you get busted:

Hundreds of thousands are held in a system of prison and labor camps.

The victim, along with his immediate family, is shipped off in the early hours of the morning to an interrogation facility. He is only permitted to bring the clothes on his back. The presumed offender is then tortured in order to make him "confess" before being sent to the political penal-labor colony.
On arrival at the camp, the victim is issued a pick and shovel, simple cooking utensils and a used army blanket. All contact with the outside world is blocked: he is now a non-person; no question will be asked about him by friends or relatives.
Shortly after arriving at the gulag, it becomes immediately apparent that the most salient feature of everyday life is the combination of below-subsistence-level food rations and extremely demanding labor quotas.
Prisoners are provided just enough food to be kept perpetually on the verge of starvation. They are compelled by their hunger to eat, if they can get away with it, the food of the labor-camp farm animals, as well as plants, grasses, bark, rats, snakes and anything remotely edible. In committing such desperate acts driven by acute hunger the prisoners simultaneously incur the extreme risk of being detected by an angry security guard and subjected to a brutal, on-the-spot execution.

As prisoners eat rats in the camp, rats were almost depleted and became harder to find. The surviving rats are wary. Rat tastes strange and somehow unpleasant at first. The revolting taste, however, soon disappears. The children never lost opportunities to catch rats, as they watch so many other prisoners dying of undernourishment and pellagra. Rat is the only source of meat for prisoners for 10 or 20 years."

Not surprisingly, the prisoners are quickly reduced to walking skeletons after their arrival. All gulag survivors said they were struck by the shortness, skinniness, premature aging, hunchbacks, and physical deformities of so many of the inmates they saw upon arriving at the gulag. These descriptions parallel those provided by survivors of the Holocaust in infamous camps like Auschwitz.
But wait! There's more!

  • Torture and ill-treatment are widespread in prisons, detention centers and labor camps Conditions in prisons
  • Inmates are made to work from early morning until late at night
  • Minor infractions of rules can be met with severe beatings
  • Public executions are carried out before large crowds, with advance notice given to schools, enterprises and farms
  • Some prisoners have reportedly been executed in front of their families
  • Executions are carried out by hanging or firing-squad

So you don't like it, leave:

...hundreds of thousands have escaped to seek a better life in China. At least 150,000 people, most women and children, live in wretched conditions on the Chinese side of the border.
As many as 50,000 Korean refugee women have been sold into domestic servitude and sexual slavery.

Can't leave? So then stay:
  • They are subjected to a constant barrage of propaganda
  • All communication media are controlled by the government and the purpose of all programming is to glorify the leadership.
  • Radios receive only government broadcasts; loudspeakers in gathering places blare government programs.
  • Indoctrination is supported by neighborhood associations and schools at all levels
  • The opinions of all North Koreans are constantly gathered and reviewed
  • Telephone calls and mail are monitored
  • Apart from a few state-sponsored Buddhist and Christian services, all religious activity is discouraged
  • There is no artistic freedom; all art and entertainment serves to extol the leadership.

13 million people in North Korea – over half of the population – suffered from malnutrition.
Aid agencies have estimated that up to 2 million people have died since the mid-1990s as a result of acute food shortages caused by natural disasters and economic mismanagement.
Several million children suffer from chronic malnutrition, impairing their physical and mental development.

I just find it hard to fathom that in the modern day world, where some countries are so advanced, that some country's leaders can be such morons.

Sources: Here. Here.

Steaming Pile Of Shit Award

I guess I haven't let go of this yet.

Just for the record, I have clogged the toilet before simply by trying to condemn an excessive amount of Charmin to the treatment plant.
Now I'm no sanitary engineer, but I do know that were I to attempt to doom a book - any book, not to mention one the size of a Quran - to the same fate as the Charmin, using any more than a few pages at a time, it would be an effort in futility. It just wouldn't fit.

Now I'm sure there are no sanitary engineers on the editing staff of Newsweak (at least in the literal sense. Although they do shovel a lot of shit), but anyone above the age of oh, about 6 would know you can't flush a book.

So, in honor of the editorial staff, this Steaming Pile Of Shit award goes to Newsweak* magazine for their lame-ass story on the flushing of the Quran by guards at Guantanamo Bay.


Image hosted by Photobucket.com


*Yes, I do know the proper spelling.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Drug turns a normal guys into studs!"
What if you're already a stud? Vegetables maybe?

Monday, May 16, 2005

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-track: "It's been such a long time, I think I should be goin', yeah"

Curmudgeon: "You in some sort of hurry?"

8-track: "And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'"

Curmudgeon: "So then, what's the plan?"

8-track: "Sail on, on a distant highway"

Curmudgeon: "I see. Why, what's up?"

8-track: "I've got to keep on chasin' a dream, I've gotta be on my way"

Curmudgeon:"So that's it? You're leaving just like that?"

8-track: "Wish there was something I could say."

Curmudgeon:"Well, good luck then. You better hurry, it's getting dark."

8-track: "Well I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' on"

Curmudgeon:"I'll miss you..."

8-track: "You'll forget about me after I've been gone"

Curmudgeon:"You all packed?"

8-track: "And I take what I find, I don't want no more"

Curmudgeon:"Where'd you park your car? Need help loading it?"

8-track: "It's just outside of your front door."


~~~~~

Idiots / Main Stream Media


id·i·ot Audio pronunciation of "idiot" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d-t)
n.
  1. A foolish or stupid person.
  2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.
  3. Newsweek. CBS. Most mainstream media outlets.

From Roto-Reuters:
Muslims skeptical over Newsweek back-track on Koran:

The report in Newsweek's May 9 issue sparked protests across the Muslim world from Afghanistan, where 16 were killed and more than 100 injured, to Pakistan, India, Indonesia and Gaza.

Newsweek said Sunday the report might not be true.
Yet another screw-up by a major news source who, it would appear, rushed a story to press before validating the data. These folks should really stop embarrasing themselves this way.

Not to mention:
The report in Newsweek's May 9 issue sparked protests across the Muslim world from Afghanistan, where 16 were killed and more than 100 injured, to Pakistan, India, Indonesia and Gaza.
I hope they're right proud of themselves.

Retractions do nothing for credibility. And right now, there isn't a news source we can really trust at all, save for BLOGS.
Sure. You'll definitely get opinion leaning right or left, but at least you'll know it up front.


Update:
Let me just clarify one thing. Even though Newsweek screwed up, I think the towelheads are causing a big raucous just as an excuse to cuase a raucous.
They'll come up with any excuse to go crazy and try to kill people or blow themselves up.

Morons.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Fast solution to your problems in a bed!"
My wife will be happy to learn that they have found a fix for my snoring.

Friday, May 13, 2005

No, It's Not Dan Rather

DETROIT (Reuters) - A Michigan court apparently has ended the television career of a talking penis.

A three-judge panel of the Michigan Court of Appeals declared that the talking penis, nicknamed Dick Smart, telling "purportedly humorous" jokes on a Grand Rapids, Michigan, public access cable television channel constituted indecent exposure.

Ah, the one-liners.
I would have loved to see that.


Allah be praised.

Fingered!

And fucked. Highlites:
Finger Traced to Woman Who Blamed Wendy's:

The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident...
[...]

Anna Ayala, the woman who said she found the finger, was arrested last month at her suburban Las Vegas home and is charged with attempted grand larceny.
[...]

Ayala's husband, Jaime Plascencia, was arrested earlier this month on a fugitive warrant at the couple's home to face charges unrelated to the Wendy's case.
[...]

The man who lost the finger, whose name was not released, had given the finger fragment to Plascencia[...]
This is just too funny. And not, all at the same time.
These people are moronic criminals who really fubar'ed this time. What a racket.
Let's see now:
  • A guy loses his finger working on the job, who then
  • Gives it to his buddy, who
  • Gives it to his wife, who
  • Goes to Wendy's and tosses said digit in a bowl of chili, then
  • Sues Wendy's, who
  • Loses a ton of money from the scam, then
  • Turns around and presses charges against the fool,
  • Who goes to jail
Too bad the woman can't get charged with a bigger crime for costing Wendy's all that business along with the charges she's already facing.

The American Dream

From the AP:
FBI Nabs Soldiers, Police in Drug Sting:
FBI agents posing as cocaine traffickers nabbed 16 current and former law enforcement officers and U.S. soldiers who had accepted more than $222,000 in bribes to help move drugs past checkpoints, the government said.
Hey, everybody wants to make a buck, huh?
Those charged include a former Immigration and Naturalization Service inspector, a former Army sergeant, a former federal prison guard, seven members of the Arizona Army National Guard, five members of the Arizona Department of Corrections and a police officer, officials said.
Maybe we need more minutemen to keep an eye on these idiots as well as chasing down mexicans trying to sneak across the border.

Spam Subject of the Day

"The new bulgari repliccas gen has come boylston"
Now bulgari! Good. I was beginning to tire of the rolaxes. boylston

What's a bulgari?

Thursday, May 12, 2005

A Joke

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued. "When we pulled her up she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs on her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.



"You Vill Show Me Ze Papers"

This is just so wrong:
REAL ID:

The United States is getting a national ID card. The REAL ID Act (text of the bill and the Congressional Research Services analysis of the bill) establishes uniform standards for state driver's licenses, effectively creating a national ID card."
This is supposed to curtail illegals from driving, working, flying,...
What's next - A bar code on our forehead? A RFID chip embedded under our skin?
These will be forged eventually, just like current forms of ID are being forged.
Or if your card gets stolen or lost? Someone will have access to every facet of your life.

On top of all that, eveytime the thing is scanned, the record of the scan will be retained.
I know it sounds like 'Big Brother', and it is. Excessive government control has never done anything for any country.

Illegals drive and work now without any sort of ID. This nubnut idea won't change that.
Maybe we ought to spend the ridiculous amount of money this will cost on more security on the borders.
Maybe we should redirect the money we spend on education and indigent care for illegals to hiring a few more border patrol officers. Or pay the minutemen.
How about putting forth a little more effort on rounding up illegals and kicking their asses out of the country. Tighten up visas a little.

Mmmm. Stylin'

WOOHOO!
New Vespa "LX" scoots into US market:

The diminuitive Vespa, the chic scooter typifying European elan, is aiming to zip into a market niche in the United States -- the land where the gas guzzling auto is king.
[...]



CHECK THAT BEAUTY OUT!!!
Riders can hit the road on a Vespa LX starting at a cool 3,199 dollars. The machine is available in eight colours, and in a 50cc and 150cc version. Top speed is advertised at a perilous 65 miles per hour (104 kilometres).
Eight colors? WOW! 150cc? JUST DAMN!
65 mph? Yeah, right.

As a rush of pimply faced dweebs drop the X-box controller, rush from their mother's basements and storm the streets...

This guy is already in line:



Spam Subject of the Day

"what did Shanna find"
Her asshole? Using two hands and a funnel?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Just What We Need

I won't even bother posting a source on this one. I believe this story made every news outlet in the country, not to mention about half the blogs on these innerwebs:
Deputy, Car Chase Suspect Wounded After 95 Rounds Fired At SUV

MONTEREY PARK, Calif. -- A car chase suspect in California was wounded after deputies fired more than 90 rounds into his SUV.

Deputies were responding to a call about shots being fired in a troubled Compton neighborhood when they tried to pull over an SUV that had been reported loitering.

The car fled, and police ended a 15-minute chase by using spikes to flatten its tires.

Videotape showed 10 Los Angeles County deputies surrounding the vehicle -- and then opening fire after it lurched forward and hit a squad car.

The driver was hospitalized with non-life-threatening wounds. A deputy was treated for a bruise after a shot hit his bulletproof vest.

No gun was found in the SUV.
Couple things here.
I personally heard the roar of millions of gun fearing wussies screaming with simultaneous orgasms as the images of these 10 deputies firing with reckless abandon at stalled vehicle with an unarmed citizen inside were broadcast around the country. These images will definitely add some fuel to their fires of paranoia. That pretty much goes without saying.

However, I wasn't there. I don't know exactly what happened short of what was shown on the teevee. But hey, I watch sci-fi on teevee too. I don't believe everything I see just because it's on that box.
All details haven't been released yet. The cops may have seen him waving something around which may have appeared to be a weapon. I won't fault them shooting at the guy without knowing why.

I will fault them for not knowing how to shoot worth a piss. Come on now. 10 deputies firing close to 100 shots at a parked car? They only give the guy minor wounds?
These people need a little range time. They shot up the truck, the 'hood, houses, trees and even each other, but failed to fatally hit the bad guy?
Yeah, I would really want them serving and protecting me.

I'm guessing you won't even be able to get within a half mile of that neighborhood today. There will probably be a line of lawyers reaching all the way around the block.

Update: Sorry, I was mistaken. Evidently, there were closer to 120 shots fired.
Oh, and guess who shows up:
"The Rev. Al Sharpton arrived in Los Angeles on Wednesday and met with Hayes, 44, and his family at the hospital where he is recovering. Sharpton said Hayes was in "intense pain."
Sharpton also called for an investigation, saying an apology from Baca was inadequate."
Anyone have an extra soapbox laying around?

The Rolling Geriatrics

From Roto-Reuters:
Rock megastars Rolling Stones announce world tour:

"The Rolling Stones, well into their fifth decade of playing rock 'n' roll, on Tuesday announced a global tour that will stretch into next year and laughed off suggestions that it would be a farewell tour."
[...]
I'm sure there'll be all sorts of jokes made along the lines of polished-up walkers and wheel chairs, but you gotta hand it to them. They're still going at it after all these years.
Even if you don't care that much for their music, they're still legends.

Too bad it costs so much to see them.
Their last tour, they came to my area and the tickets were right around $300. Too rich for my blood.

Spam Subject of the Day

"hey girl"
Who you calling a girl? You shit!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Those Crazy Kids

From the AP:
Woman Killed in Michigan Golf-Cart Crash:

"ROBINSON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Two souped-up golf carts collided as they sped down a rural road at night, killing a woman and badly injuring a man, authorities said Monday.

The occupants of the modified carts spent Saturday night riding trails. Shortly after midnight, one cart was being driven along the shoulder of a road when the driver of the other, Mathew Krimmel, tried to pass, said sheriff's Sgt. Steve Austin.

As Krimmel pulled ahead, the carts collided, causing Krimmel's vehicle to veer out of control and roll over, throwing the driver and two passengers."
Did I say kids?
Teresa Fergison, 42, who was riding in the rear of Krimmel's cart, died later in a hospital. Krimmel, 42, was listed in critical condition Monday. Another passenger, Diane Davis, 35, was treated for cuts and bruises and released.
Yes, alcohol was involved.

Spam Subject of the Day

"decontaminate Cardiovascular Support"
Okay, I don't get it.

Monday, May 09, 2005

My Five Favorite Letters of the Alphabet

1- S
2- D
3- Z
4- (tie) M N
5- V

There's Just No Winning

From nature.com:
Earth's air is cleaner, but this may worsen the greenhouse effect.:

"Our planet's air has cleared up in the past decade or two, allowing more sunshine to reach the ground, say two studies in Science this week.

Reductions in industrial emissions in many countries, along with the use of particulate filters for car exhausts and smoke stacks, seem to have reduced the amount of dirt in the atmosphere and made the sky more transparent.

That sounds like very good news. But the researchers say that more solar energy arriving on the ground will also make the surface warmer, and this may add to the problems of global warming. More sunlight will also have knock-on effects on cloud cover, winds, rainfall and air temperature that are difficult to predict."
Something else for the doomsdayers to bitch about. First we were going to pollute ourselves into oblivion, then we're destroying the ozone, and now that we've gone and cleaned ourselves up we're doomed anyway.

Well, I try to do my part. I drive a pickup, cook on the smoker and the grill a lot, and light the occasional fire in the firepit.
If this planet gets too warm, I'll not be to blame.

Joke

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
The third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."




Spam Subject of the Day

"Cheapest V�AGRA!! 70% D�scount!"
My, my. Look at them purdy graphics.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Idiot + Keyboard = Comments

So I get this comment:
I like this pic.
About you and your blog: you are probably an intelligent guy but you hide it well behind that stereotype GOP vulgarity, racism, sexism, hate and general ignorance. For instance, what do you know about how the Iraqis feel? And do you really give a fuck? Of course not. Inform yourself. It's people like you that remind me why I'm not living in USA even though my wife's from SC.
Mike Moore says hi.

Anonymous
I guess I've been told, huh?
Well, not really. This FuckWad evidently doesn't have a clue.

First of all, this person (hereto referred to as FW) obviously hasn't read all that much of the blog or they would know that I'm not stereotypical GOP, racist, sexist, hateful or generally ignorant.

Sterotype GOP? My aching ass. I vote for whoever I think is best for the job and has the same views as I have. I'm non-partisan and will remain that way until well, there aren't any parties anymore, but only individuals who cater to the population, not parties. Inother words, when FW gets a brain hell freezes over.

Yes, I'm vulgar at times. I cuss when I talk. I cuss when I write. I write how I would talk. Don't like it? Get the fuck out of here. Write your own G-rated fluff.
Talk about your dog or cat. How loving and gentle your significant other was because they came home with flowers and drew you a nice bath with candles around the tub, whispered sweet shit in your ear.
Talk about how we should all sit around and sing kumba-ya, eat granola, hug a tree, kiss a whale, and suck on the bong. I don't give a shit. But I damn sure will skip right by that shit. It don't interest me at all.

Racist? FW hasn't read the blog. I have never on this blog been racist. I may have been idiot-ist a few times. Like when I think some people are inferior or stupid because they have barbaric beliefs. Or because I don't think some assholes should ruin peoples lives because of those beliefs.
Anyone who hasn't been brainwashed since birth, who has actually been raised with any sort of scruples should be able to see that some people are not treated as human beings. I merely point that out on occasion.
If I'm a racist because I think idiots following ridiculous traditions and barbaric laws are inferior, then by God so be it. And fuck you if you choose to follow that shit.

Sexist? Again. FW has jumped to a conclusion. There ain't nothing on this blog sexist. Unless maybe FW read one of the jokes. Hey, if you don't have a sense of humor, then again. Leave. Don't come back. You're not welcome here.
I love women. They smell good. They feel good. I married one of the smartest and nicest ones I know. I wouldn't trade that for any male companionship.
Again, I may tell some guy jokes, but believe me. I've read a few guy-bashing jokes in my day too. I'm not that thin-skinned.

Hate? I refer FW to the 'racist' paragraph above.
Yes, I have a hatred for idiots and assholes. Those sort of people I would just as soon take out to the desert and use for target practice as to even look at them. May they all go to the worst flaming hell imaginable.

And general ignorance?
I bee a sumwhut edumacated feller. I dun growed up ant livd alla these here years all buy mu dam self. I reckon I learnt a thing or three along the way.
And yes, I watch and read news. I have a little information tucked away with which to form my opinions.

Do I know how the Iraqi's feel? Of course not. I've never been to Iraq. I've never even met an Iraqi who wasn't already somewhat americanized by living here for a few years prior to our meeting. So no, I don't know how they feel.
I do know the way I was raised and my values would be totally unacceptable there.
I also know how I would feel if I were in their place. I'm emphathetic.
I know how I would feel if my friends or family were treated the way Iraqi's were were/are treated. The tortures, rapes, killings, mutilations, ... I really shouldn't have to elaborate.
FW
should maybe do a little research and find out what really goes on there. At least there isn't as much of it now - now that we've removed one of the biggest idiots from power. Along with his idiot sons.
Good Gawd FW. Just open your eyes and enlighten yourself. Can you really think those people were treated fairly and justly under Sadaam's rule?

And yes FW, I give a fuck. Otherwise I wouldn't post about it here.
I totally support the task my government has taken and the effort they have put forth so far in trying to restore some semblence of civilization to that part of the world. I'm proud of them, and I'm proud to live here.

My guess is FW don't give a fuck. My guess FW is happy hiding under the name of Anonymous and under the safe umbrella of a 'conscientious objector'. Well FW, I'm glad you don't live in the USA. We don't need candy-assed, cry-baby, diaper soiling wussy-boys here. Stay the hell where you are. Make your American wife proud.
Then you and Mike Moore go fuck yourselves.

Celebrity News

Of which I don't give a fuck about, but feel compelled to write about anyway, just because it's just so - well so 'Who gives a fuck about it' - esque.

Apparantly, the lame-assed Farrah Fawcett made a lame-assed remark on her lame-assed show about lame-assed Anna Nicole Smith:
Anna Nicole Considers Reality Show with Farrah

Anna Nicole Smith is considering a TV show concept with Farrah Fawcett after the two blonde reality stars kissed and made up after a war of words in the press.

The former Charlie's Angels actress called Anna Nicole a "train wreck" in her new TV series Chasing Farrah, leading Smith to blast her one-time heroine in her National Enquirer gossip column.

So this reality show. Whaddya s'pose it'll be about then? Maybe who gets voted the ugliest loser on the planet?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

"I'm Annnicole dammittthhh...Iwanna other mart-martinini NOW dammittthhhh!!!. Thebitch F-F-Farrahbeen chasin' - chasednnnnn - they been chasin'Farrah annnow theycaught hernnnn. I wanna chase thebitchnnnnn...trainwreck? Trainwreck? I'll show ya't-t-train wreck bitchnnnn. Bitch been train wreckednnnnnn...she gotna train wrecknnn HAH!nnnnnn. Where's mygotnnnnn My goddammmartininnnn..."

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

"Shuddup skank. I was an Angel. You know, 'an Angel'. Reality show with you? Hah! I'll be pretty again before I do a reality show with you. Bitch."

"Gimme that goddamm bottle of Oil of Olay! And that mirror. No, I don't want to look in it. Lay it flat. I got something I need to do."

Spam Subject of the Day

Today, we have multiple mails with the same subject:

Subject:
  • "Your Password"
Sender(s):
  • register@yahoo.com
  • postmaster@lcps.k12.nm.us
  • postmaster@dodo.com.au
  • service@mx7.boston.juno.com
Nice to know plenty of assholes are keeping track of it for me.

Eh?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Get your mind out of the gutter. It's a picture of a mouse for chrissakes.

Binary

There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I Told You So

Referring back to this post, I mentioned the numerous untapped natural resources we had just in the western states, not to mention ANWR. We could get by for who knows how long without importing oil from other assholes oil rich countries.

Apparently, someone else has been 'poking' around in Utah and found a huge oil field.
From the AP:
Wildcatter Strikes 1 Billion Barrel Oil Field in Central Utah

A tiny oil company has snapped up leasing rights to a half-million acres in central Utah that it says could yield a billion barrels or more of oil.

Geologists are calling it a spectacular find - the largest onshore discovery in at least 30 years, located in a region of complex geology long abandoned for exploration by major oil companies. It's turning out to contain high-quality oil already commanding a premium at refineries.
[...]

The sooner we stop suckling the crude flavored teat of the middle east, the better off we'll be.

So what in the hell is keeping our lips wrapped around that OPEC nipple when we have so much here?

Big Deal

From Space.com:
Butterfly's Navigation Secret Revealed in Flight Simulator

The monarch butterfly is known to use the angle of sunlight as a navigational guide on its annual fall migration from across North America to Mexico. But how it processes the information has been a mystery.
Not that most people even give a shit, but someone got paid a lot of money to take a look at that.
Anyway, the air force was testing/developing this sort of navigational system back during or soon after WWII. From KLAS-tv Las Vegas:
[...]
It was July 1948, three years after the end of World War II, a B-29 bomber conducting classified atmospheric research was returning from the Grand Canyon, heading toward California, when it experienced engine trouble over Lake Mead.

"According to reports, the lake was glassy," says Rosie Potito of the National Park Service. "They felt they were 100 feet above the surface. Little did they know they were a lot lower. They hit the water; the number 2, 3, and 4 engines were ripped off from the crash."
[...]
The entire crew survived and whichever ones wanted to cooperate were later interviewed. I forget which channel I saw the documentary on, either the History Channel or Discovery, but the long and short of it was that the plane wasn't just doing atmospheric research. They were conducting tests on solar navigation systems. I.e., navigation by using the angle of the sun.

Them monarchs ain't got nothing on the air force.
Shee-it.

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

You know, the day similar to St. Paddy's Day where us here in America have an excuse to drink too much and act like we're familiar with traditions of another country.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Theron said hi"
Hi.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Not Such A Bad Idea

From The Standard (Kenya):
Parliament passes castration Motion:

A Motion that could lead to the castration of rapists was passed in Parliament yesterday.

Members of Parliament unanimously supported the Motion allowing the introduction of the Sexual Offences Bill and harsher penalties for sexual crimes."
Kenya may be on to something there.
Of course, that would never happen here - the ACLU would be all over it like flies on shit - but it would curtail the repeat offenders.

The biggest caviat I see: You better make damn sure they're guilty. There's no turning back.

Why, That's Just Terrible

I feel so sorry for people like Michael Jacksoff who make a gazillion dollars and yet, seem to run out of money. Stupid fucks.

From Roto-Reuters:
Court hears Jackson was in debt, faced cash crisis:

Michael Jackson owed more than $230 million and was spending his way deeper into debt at the time he is accused of molesting a 13-year-old boy at his Neverland estate, a forensic accountant hired by prosecutors said on Tuesday.

Mr. Jackson's financial condition was deteriorating up to (February of 2003),' O'Bryan said. "Expenditures were exceeding income, liabilities were increasing and there was a liquidity crisis."
I'd guess that's why he got busted. He was running out of hush money.

Update: Look sweetie, he hasn't seen a mirror for years. Otherwise, he'd puke.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Spam Subject of the Day

"Stop renting adult dvds!........."
What? Are you crazy?!!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

What's Wrong With This Picture?

So I just saw an ad on teevee for the Nevada Dance Theatre. They are our local ballet troup.
Anyway, the strange thing about it is the show is called 'Rodeo'. Something about a 'cowgirl' finding herself amongnst all the 'cowboys'.

Yeah right. I'm sure there's cowboys a-plenty in that production.
Good gawd.

Speaking Of Ugly

We're familiar with Lynndie England, the Iraqi prisoner 'abuser'.



To think someone actually screwed that. Ngah!
Well, several guys really.

Safety 101

A new trend? From the AP:
N.C. Man Finds Finger in Frozen Custard

WILMINGTON, N.C. - A man who ordered a pint of frozen chocolate custard in a dessert shop got a nasty surprise inside — a piece of severed finger lost by an employee in an accident.

Unlike a recent incident at a Wendy's restaurant in California, no questions of truth have been raised about the finger found in a package from Kohl's Frozen Custard.

State officials went to the shop Monday, and the owner confirmed one of his employees lost part of a finger in an accident with a food-processing machine.
Come on now people. Don't be sticking your damn fingers in the machinery.
Good gawd.

Now my question is why didn't the idiot who lost the finger find the finger?
I'm thinking that if I was to lose a big old chunk of flesh, I wouldn't leave it floating around in the food for some poor bastard to come along and find for me. That's just sick.

Joke Of The Day

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by the proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."




Spam Subject of the Day

"Copies of swiss watches"
First rollaxes and now swiss watches. Yeehaw.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Is This The Future?

From MSNBC:
Out-of-work man gets the scoop on poop
Former programmer makes living cleaning up after dogs

DELMAR, N.Y. - Computer programmer Steve Relles has the poop on what to do when your job is outsourced to India.

Relles, one of a rising number of Americans seeking new opportunities as their work shifts to countries with cheaper labor, has spent the past year making his living scooping up dog droppings as the “Delmar Dog Butler.”
Ah, the many benefits of outsourcing our jobs.
Since I am a programmer, this does concern me. I really don't want to be picking up dog shit for a living.

DROP THE CHALUPA!

From Yahoo! News:
School Mistakes Huge Burrito for a Weapon

CLOVIS, N.M. - A call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school. All over a giant burrito.

Someone called authorities Thursday after seeing a boy carrying something long and wrapped into Marshall Junior High.

The drama ended two hours later when the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos and wrapped inside tin foil and a white T-shirt.
What in the hell? What sort of pinnacle have we reached when we have to be so uptight that an eigth-grader packing a burrito sends the school into lockdown? Good gawd.
Reality: It's been nice knowing you. Bye now.

I'm sure there would have been danger of an explosion. But probably not until after the kid ate the thing.

This Day In History - Nessie

From The History Channel:
[Sorry, once again no permalink]
LOCH NESS MONSTER SIGHTED:
May 2, 1933

Although accounts of an aquatic beast living in Scotland's Loch Ness date back
1,500 years, the modern legend of the Loch Ness Monster is born when a sighting
makes local news on May 2, 1933. The newspaper Inverness Courier related an
account of a local couple who claimed to have seen "an enormous animal rolling
and plunging on the surface."
Aye laddy. I'll be havin' another sip from the jar now.

Union Funny

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las
Vegas and decided to check out the nearby brothels. When he got to the
first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she
replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off
down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam
responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union
rules." "The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls
get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a
stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a
92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority
and she's next."



Spam Subject of the Day

Ahh, monday. AFter the too short weekend, we're greeted by this:
"cExttendder has arrived! Dont waise your time canny"
As opposed to uncanny?