"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Amazing...

...the stupidity of some people.
Authorities baffled by snowy death of little girl
You don't have to follow the link, here's the scenario:

Dad is taking the 11 year old girl the 12 year old boy to see mom on Christmas day. Dad gets the car stuck in a snowdrift, and lets the kids out to walk the remaining 10 FUCKING MILES IN 27 FUCKING DEGREE TEMPERATURES, IN THE FUCKING SNOW, to mom's house.

Eventually, with the help of his cousin - who must have been with him - he gets the car unstuck, turns around and heads home. BACK TO HIS OWN HOUSE!

The boy, somehow, after walking almost halfway to mom's house, and despite the fact he was delirious from hypothermia - thereby stripping down to his underwear - lives, is treated, and gets released from the hospital.
The girl - who walked almost halfway then turned around and started walking back to where dad was stuck, is found frozen to death, nearly buried in a snowdrift.

So I ask then, what sort of idiot would let their kids out of the car, out of their sight even, to walk 10 miles in the snow and cold? And if you were in fact, stupid enough to do such a moronic thing, who wouldn't care enough to follow the path they had taken to ensure they made it to their destination safely?
On top of that, how stupid is dad's cousin? Not just the one, but TWO supposedly responsible adults failed to ensure the safety of these two children. Unbelievable.

This dumb-ass father turned around and went home. He deserves to be convicted of murder, neglect, abuse, any other charge that can be dreamed up for this monumental act of indifference to the well being of these children.

With any luck, there is a special place in hell for fuckheads like this.



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Why?

Judge awards $65M to men taken from USS Pueblo

2 hrs 10 mins ago

WASHINGTON – A federal judge on Tuesday awarded more than $65 million to several men who were captured and tortured by North Korea after the communist country seized the U.S. spy ship USS Pueblo during the Cold War. North Korea never responded to the lawsuit filed by William Thomas Massie, Donald Raymond McClarren, Dunnie Richard Tuck and the estate of Lloyd Bucher. U.S. District Judge Henry H. Kennedy Jr. entered the judgment against the country.
[...]

The USS Pueblo was seized off North Korea while it was on an intelligence-gathering mission on Jan. 23, 1968. The North claimed the ship was inside its coastal zone while the U.S. Navy contended it was in international waters.
[...]

Massie, McClarren and Tuck each received $16.7 million. Bucher's estate received $14.3 million and his wife, Rose, $1.25 million.
[...]
Too little too late?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying they didn't deserve anything for putting up with this shit, but awarding them or their estates millions 40 years after the fact?

No, I think the money would have been better spent getting them out of there in the first place, bombing the shit out of the country, and blowing the captured ship all to hell.
If it would have come from North Korea, it may have meant something. But any award this many years later is nothing more than an attempt by the judge to get a feather in his cap.

But then, what do I know?


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Praise Allah

I FOUND A VIRGIN!!!!

goat effer

Only 71 more to go!

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Her erogenous zone"
I discovered that years ago. It's the jewelry department.



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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tramp Delivers Tripp

Palin's daughter gives birth to son named Tripp
Tue Dec 30, 5:34 AM ET

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - The daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has given birth to a son, a magazine reported Monday.

[...]

Nothing else to say, I just liked the headline I made up. BWAH!!!




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Swallow or spit?"
I guess it all depends on how bad the cold is.



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Monday, December 29, 2008

Again, From The "No Shit" Files

Many Teens Don't Keep Virginity Pledges
HealthDay - 1 hour, 46 minutes ago
Sent 383 times

MONDAY, Dec. 29 (HealthDay News) -- Teens who take virginity pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens who don't make such promises -- and they're less likely to practice safe sex to prevent disease or pregnancy, a new study
[...]


Study: Family behavior key to health of gay youth
Mon Dec 29, 12:02 AM ET
Sent 240 times

SAN FRANCISCO - Young gay people whose parents or guardians responded negatively when they revealed their sexual orientation were more likely to attempt suicide, experience severe depression and use drugs than those whose families accepted the news, according to a new study.
[...]


Study: Murders among black youths on the rise
Mon Dec 29, 7:14 AM ET
Sent 125 times

WASHINGTON - The number of young black men and teenagers who either killed or were killed in shootings has risen at an alarming rate since 2000, a new study shows.
[...]
In other news, the sky is blue, and water is wet.

Oh yes. It's good to be back in touch with reality.


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Ahhh....

Well, welcome back.
It was a good Christmas and a nice long weekend at Curmudgeonville.
Family together, Christmas movies and shows, good dinners, and of course, good gifts.

I appreciate all the well wishes and hope you all had a good Christmas too!


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Get hung like no one else"
Worked for Saddam!



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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!!!

To my loyal readers, I do wish all of you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!


I do hope you all have a good one, and get to spend it with family and friends. And again, don't forget the ones who can't.


But, let's hope for some good weather so Santa doesn't require the services of his lead reindeer.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Can't find you, darling"
That's the idea.



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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

HO, HO, HOOOoooo...

Photobucket

Every year around this time I feel compelled to post some Christmas stuff.

Here is the archived entry of a poem I posted, which I originally wrote roughly 1978, while bored in high school history class, oddly about this same time of year.

The cadence may be somewhat familiar:

'Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house,

the whole damn family

was drunk as a louse.


The stockings were hung

by the chimney with care,

with hopes that the 'Bud Man'

soon would be there.


I in my scivvies

and she in her drawers

were casually lying,

in drool on the floor


When out in the drive

there arose such a fuss

I got up with a bound

and started to cuss!


I shout "WHAT THE HELL!?"

at the top of my lungs

then up from the floor

almost everyone sprung.


A thud on the porch,

a pound on the door

a voice "OPEN UP!!"

"AND I'LL BRING IN SOME MORE!!"


When what to my bloodshot

eyes should appear,

ten, make it twenty

full cases of beer!


We let him on in

he sat down with a thud

then reached for the stack

and said "Hand me a Bud"


He said "Man it is cold,

and the roads are like shit,

after this year

I'm going to quit!"


We told him how everyone

liked having him so,

and we knew it was rough

driving in all of this snow.


But we'd miss him so badly

if he didn't come,

and they'd prob'ly replace him

with some useless bum.


A tear started to form

in his tired bloodshot eyes,

and he rose from his chair

(after five or six tries).


He said "Merry Christmas"

"I'll see you next year!"

Then he jumped in his truck

and he ground it in gear.


Then off through the night

in his Bud truck he went,

and I thought to myself

he didn't charge us a cent!


So next time you see

that big truck in the night,

wish him 'Merry Christmas',

and 'a wonderful night'!


Okay Jean, I'll lighten up a little. 'Tis the season and all. :)
Oh, and:





Photobucket

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry Christmas!!!

Ahhh, I just love this time of year. The joy, the love, the peace, friends, family, cookies, tinsel, celebrations.

Stupidity, greed, bigotry, murder, rape, ...


2 killed, 1 hurt in Dallas-area road shootings

DALLAS - Authorities pressed a manhunt Tuesday for a gunman in a pickup truck who is suspected of killing two people and injuring another in a series of rush hour shootings on Dallas-area roads.


Lesbian's brutal gang rape investigated in Calif.

SAN FRANCISCO - A woman in the San Francisco Bay area was jumped by four men, taunted for being a lesbian, repeatedly raped and left naked outside an abandoned apartment building, authorities said Monday.


Mass. man melting snow with blowtorch ignites home

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - Fire officials in New Bedford, Mass., say a man using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch ended up setting his house on fire, causing up to $30,000 in damage.



Photobucket


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Spam Subject of the Day

"It's cold, don't keep me waiting"
♪♫♪♪ "Baby it's cold outside..." ♫♫♪



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Monday, December 22, 2008

More Big Brother

WEB EXCLUSIVE -- Local teens claim pranks on county's Speed Cams

By Joe Slaninka

Special to the Sentinel

As a prank, students from local high schools have been taking advantage of the county's Speed Camera Program in order to exact revenge on people who they believe have wronged them in the past, including other students and even teachers.

Students from Richard Montgomery High School dubbed the prank the Speed Camera "Pimping" game, according to a parent of a student enrolled at one of the high schools.

Originating from Wootton High School, the parent said, students duplicate the license plates by printing plate numbers on glossy photo paper, using fonts from certain websites that "mimic" those on Maryland license plates. They tape the duplicate plate over the existing plate on the back of their car and purposefully speed through a speed camera, the parent said. The victim then receives a citation in the mail days later.

Students are even obtaining vehicles from their friends that are similar or identical to the make and model of the car owned by the targeted victim, according to the parent.

"This game is very disturbing," the parent said. "Especially since unsuspecting parents will also be victimized through receipt of unwarranted photo speed tickets.

The parent said that "our civil rights are exploited," and the entire premise behind the Speed Camera Program is called into question as a result of the growing this fad among students.

The Speed Camera Program was implemented in March of this year and used for the purpose of reducing traffic and pedestrian collisions in the county. Cameras are located in residential areas and school zones where the posted speed limit is 35 miles per hour or lower. A $40 citation is mailed to the owner of the car for violating the speed limit in these areas.

The Montgomery County Police said they have not seen or heard of this prank occurring but said they will keep an eye out for people committing the crime.

"I hope the public at large will complain loudly enough that local Montgomery County government officials will change their policy of using these cameras for monetary gain," the parent said. "The practice of sending speeding tickets to faceless recipients without any type of verification is unwarranted and an exploitation of our rights."

Edward Owusu, Assistant Principal at Wootton High School, said that he heard of local students pulling the prank when the school received a call from a parent informing them of its occurrence. "I have not heard of this happening among students at Wootton," Osuwu said. "It is unfortunate that kids have a lot of time on their hands that they can think of doing such a thing."

Montgomery County Council President Phil Andrews said that the issue is troubling in several respects. "I am concerned that someone could get hurt, first of all, because they are speeding in areas where they know speeding is a problem," he said.

Andrews also said that this could hurt the integrity of the Speed Camera Program. "It will cause potential problems for the Speed Camera Program in terms of the confidence in it," he said.

He said he is glad someone caught it before it becomes more widespread and he said he hopes that the word get out to the people participating in this that there will be consequences.
See? That's the biggest issue I have with this camera bullshit. Heresay. A real law enforcement officer doesn't witness the infraction, so how can they possibly know who the guilty party is?
They can't. Every single on of those "revenue enhancement" citations should be flat out dismissed, and deemed unconstitutional.

Either that, or the people in those jurisdictions should man up and get the gawd-damn cameras taken the hell down.




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Christmas in the Trenches

There was a song on the radio a couple weeks ago that I thought was quite neat.
I had heard about the spontaneous temporary truce between Germany and England during Word War 1, but I didn't realize someone had recorded a song about it.

I'm sure there's a YouTube of the song if you care to look, but more importantly, here is an eye witness account of the whole thing. Below, I have posted the lyrics. You would be doing yourself a favor by reading them both:
Christmas in the Trenches by John McCutcheon

My name is Francis Tolliver, I come from Liverpool.
Two years ago the war was waiting for me after school.
To Belgium and to Flanders, to Germany to here
I fought for King and country I love dear.
'Twas Christmas in the trenches, where the frost so bitter hung,
The frozen fields of France were still, no Christmas song was sung
Our families back in England were toasting us that day
Their brave and glorious lads so far away.

I was lying with my messmate on the cold and rocky ground
When across the lines of battle came a most peculiar sound
Says I, "Now listen up, me boys!" each soldier strained to hear
As one young German voice sang out so clear.
"He's singing bloody well, you know!" my partner says to me
Soon, one by one, each German voice joined in harmony
The cannons rested silent, the gas clouds rolled no more
As Christmas brought us respite from the war
As soon as they were finished and a reverent pause was spent
"God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" struck up some lads from Kent
The next they sang was "Stille Nacht." "Tis 'Silent Night'," says I
And in two tongues one song filled up that sky
"There's someone coming toward us!" the front line sentry cried
All sights were fixed on one long figure trudging from their side
His truce flag, like a Christmas star, shown on that plain so bright
As he, bravely, strode unarmed into the night
Soon one by one on either side walked into No Man's Land
With neither gun nor bayonet we met there hand to hand
We shared some secret brandy and we wished each other well
And in a flare-lit soccer game we gave 'em hell
We traded chocolates, cigarettes, and photographs from home
These sons and fathers far away from families of their own
Young Sanders played his squeezebox and they had a violin
This curious and unlikely band of men

Soon daylight stole upon us and France was France once more
With sad farewells we each prepared to settle back to war
But the question haunted every heart that lived that wonderous night
"Whose family have I fixed within my sights?"
'Twas Christmas in the trenches where the frost, so bitter hung
The frozen fields of France were warmed as songs of peace were sung
For the walls they'd kept between us to exact the work of war
Had been crumbled and were gone forevermore

My name is Francis Tolliver, in Liverpool I dwell
Each Christmas come since World War I, I've learned its lessons well
That the ones who call the shots won't be among the dead and lame
And on each end of the rifle we're the same

© 1984 John McCutcheon - All rights reserved



British and German troops mingle in No Mans Land Christmas 1914


German and Russian soldiers together on the Eastern front, Christmas 1914.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Girls do anything for a big hose"
I reckon that's why they like firemen.



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Friday, December 19, 2008

At Least It's Not Nevada

So I hear you Minnesota-ites are about to get a new senator:
Franken opens first lead in Minn. Senate race

By BRIAN BAKST – 1 hour ago

ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — Democrat Al Franken edged ahead of Republican incumbent Norm Coleman on Friday for the first time in Minnesota's long-running U.S. Senate recount.

Franken opened up a slight lead on the fourth day of a state Canvassing Board meeting to decide the fate of hundreds of disputed ballots.
[...]
Good luck wid' dat.



Of course, we still have Harry Reid...


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"For He's A Jolly Dead Felllloooowww"

Man dies after retirement party hijinks
Reuters - Tue Dec 16, 12:24 PM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - A 60-year-old man who was thrown into the air in celebration at his retirement party died after his colleagues failed to catch him and he fell to the floor, a Japanese newspaper reported on Tuesday.
[...]
That would suck.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject of the Day

"Lead your boner to leadership"
You mean like, fuck my way to the top? Sounds fun!



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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Snow Day

Yup, we got dumped on yesterday. Damn that Global Warming™.

People going home from work early, schools closed today, flights canceled, some roads out of town closed, a fair mess.
Yes, roads are closed. We don't have snow plows here any more than you northerners have swimming pool maintenance trucks.

The National Weather Service - which is located fairly low in the valley - recorded an official snow fall of 3.6 inches. We had about 5 altogether, and some parts of the valley about 5 miles from me had about 8 inches.
We set a record for snowfall for the month of December. The last time we had anywhere near this much was back in 1979.

Pics? You want pics? Here ya' go.

My truck after I got home last night:


The front yard:


The plum tree drooping with the wet, sloppy snow:


The rose bushes aren't liking it much either:


The street view.
What's unique about this picture, is I took it at around 6:30 with no flash. The sky should have been way dark, but because of all the cloud cover, it was way bright outside:


The house this morning:


The yard:


A picture from the news:


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject of the Day

"Read about ceos with mba"
Yeah, I read about them all the time. AIG, Ford, Chrysler, Chevrolet, WaMu, ...



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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Because You Need To Know

I saw this post and thought I should pass it on:

12 Most common beer myths exploded

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy

–Benjamin Franklin

Beer gets a bad rap. It’s blamed for so much of society’s ills, when it should be celebrated as one of the finest beverages created.

There are a number of persistent myths and urban legends about beer that are passed around that unfairly distort the facts and confuse beer drinkers.

At LegendsOfBeer.com, we’d like to set the record straight and explode 12 of the most common beer myths, for once and for all. So take a read of these myths and the truth behind them and start spreading the good beer news!

Photo by elkojote

Myth #1: The Guinness served in Ireland is different to the rest of the world

Actually, the Guinness served in Ireland is most likely the same as that served in Boston or Berlin. However, many people will attest that Guinness simply tastes better in Ireland, which is why the myth spread. There’s a certain amount of sentimentality in this myth, but when you dig into it, most of the reasoning is pretty circumstantial.

There are a few reasons why it may taste better in Ireland - most likely freshness and rapid keg turnover (a pub in Dublin will serve the freshest Guinness in the world) - but the actual product is not any different that the black stuff served around the world. Also, a Guinness drinker in Ireland is guaranteed to have their drink poured correctly in Ireland than in some parts of the world, which will have an impact on the quality of the experience.

Myth #2: Lite beers will help you lose weight

On average, a lite beer will have 90-100 calories, while a regular beer might have under 200. In the grand scheme of things, lite beers will contribute very little to your dietary goals, and considering their typical lack of taste, you’d be better off drinking one or two regular beers.

Myth #3: Dark beers are stronger in alcohol

The color of beer has no relation to its alcohol content. For example, Guinness, one of the most popular dark beers has an alcohol volume of 4.2%, while several light-colored Belgian beers have alcohol content of 8%+.

Myth #4: Corona beer contains urine

This was a nasty rumor claiming that Mexican brewery workers were relieving themselves into the beer. Allegedly, the rumor was spread by a Heineken distributor and was only refuted following a lawsuit by Corona.

Myth #5: Imported beers are stronger than American beers

Traditionally, American beers measure their alcohol content by weight, while many other countries (across Europe and in Canada) measure by volume. The alcohol by weight figure will always appear lower than the alcohol by volume - for example, 4% ABW = 5% ABV, hence the myth creation.

Myth #6: Beer should be served ice-cold for best flavor

This is an unfortunate myth perpetuated by the major commercial breweries - especially for their lite beers. The fact is, flavor typically diminishes when beer is served ice-cold. It may make for a thirst-quenching, refreshing beverage, but often bears little resemblance to traditional beer. Several beers are, in fact, best served much closer to room temperature or slightly cool and are considered undrinkable when icy cold - such as Guinness and many of the traditional English ales.

Myth #7: The best beers have green bottles

Another myth that circulated imported beers. Brown glass is the best color to protect beer from light, which is why most beers are bottled with it. A shortage of brown glass in Europe during the last century led to many breweries using green glass to bottle their beer - therefore, green bottles represented imported beer for many years and people incorrectly assumed the color indicated a better beer.

Myth #8: “Beer before liquor, never sicker - liquor before beer, in the clear”

This is common drinking advice shared but not scientifically true. In reality, alcohol is alcohol, and the overall quantity you imbibe will determine your resulting (in)sobriety or hangover. Drinking beer before drinking hard liquor may prolong the onset of inebriation. However, it won’t ultimately matter whether you drink beer first or last; it’s the quantity of alcohol that does the damage.

Myth #9: You can’t get a hangover from drinking organic beer

If only being eco-friendly was this rewarding! This myth is based on the idea that organic beer is cleaner or purer than other beer, but there’s no existing proof that it manages to avoid giving hangovers when consumed in sufficient quantities.

Myth #10: Beer will raise your cholesterol levels

Beer actually contains no fat and no cholesterol! Perhaps this is one reason that Guinness was originally advertised as good for your health.

Myth #11: A good beer must be high in alcohol

Many people unfairly associate low alcohol with low flavor. There are plenty of poor quality beers that are high in alcohol content, and the opposite is also true. Some of the famous Belgian and German beers have traditionally high average alcohol content - perhaps 8% or 10%. However, the alcohol content is only one feature and doesn’t necessarily account for the good taste. In England, many of the best mild ales have alcohol content of 4% or less - resulting from a higher tax on stronger beer. Of course, the advantage is finding good-tasting, lower alcohol beers is that you can drink more of it!

Myth #12: Beer kills brain cells

Possibly the most damning of all beer myths, and we’re happy to explode this for you. An Australian study has determined that beer is not responsible for killing brain cells as was once thought.




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"Attention: It's Snowing"

You know you live in the desert when an announcement comes over your work's P.A. system informing the entire company that it's snowing.

Yeah, I went and checked it out. 10, maybe 15 flakes and it was done.


Update - 1:30 p.m.: It came back. With a vengeance.







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We're All Gonna Die!

Scientists find hole in Earth's magnetic field
Wed Dec 17, 7:07 AM ETRecommended 227 times

LOS ANGELES - Recent satellite observations have revealed the largest breach yet seen in the magnetic field that protects Earth from most of the sun's violent blasts, researchers reported Tuesday. The discovery was made last summer by Themis, a fleet of five small NASA satellites.
[...]
It's all Bush's fault.

Global warming and now a hole in the magnetic field? Algore and Obamm-bamm have their work cut out for them getting this thing fixed.



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Sieg Heil, Daddy

Cake request for 3-year-old Hitler namesake denied

EASTON, Pa. – The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child's full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance. Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the Greenwich ShopRite, but with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article over the weekend on their flare-up over frosting.
[...]
Well, good for them. The cake shop I mean.

"We have the right to refuse service to anyone" is the right of any private business in this free country of ours.

Fucking attention whores. If you're stupid enough to worship psychopathic assholes such as Hitler, and name your child after one, you can expect a LOT of people to treat you differently. Hostile even.
"There's a new president and he says it's time for a change; well, then it's time for a change," the 35-year-old [Campbell] continued. "They need to accept a name. A name's a name. The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did."
What sort of moron would inflict that kind of stigma on their child for fuck's sake anyway? That's a name he's going to be carrying with him the rest of his life. This is only the beginning. Expect your little snowflake to get bullied, teased, beat up, and I would be surprised if he didn't get death threats - if not killed because of it.

Nice parents.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your account was blocked!"
What!?!? I gave you all the info; Social security number, bank account number, mother's maiden name, date of birth, ... everything!



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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

An Appropriate Cartoon





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Who Is Your Role Model

Try this quiz:

Try it without looking at answers.

1) Pick your Favorite number between 1-9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator....)

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....

5) Add the digits together

Click and drag your mouse down between the lines to highlight the answer:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Einstein
2. Nelson Mandela
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Brad Pitt
8. Hitler
9. Curmudgeon
10. George Bush

I know....I just have that effect on people.
One day you too can be like me.... :-) Believe it!

Ps. Stop picking different numbers. I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Funny

Via email:

Pick-up lines:

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up








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Spam Subject of the Day

"Does 8 incches Enough 4 U"
If you're referring to a Subway sandwich, no. I need the footlong or I'll be hungry by 3 o'clock.



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Monday, December 15, 2008

End Of Year Post

The idea here is to post the first sentence from the first post of the first day of the month, each month this year. Now since I start the day with a "Spam Subject...", I won't post the first spam subject of every month, I'll just skip to the next actual post.

So here goes:
01/02/08
Rant
I am disgusted the gods position absolution for themselves because it is their technology conducting this evil upon the disfavored.

02/01/08
Because You Needed To Know
I guess.
Ah, that's the spot: Why scratching brings relief
03/01/08
Housecleaning
Mark was bitching about how cluttered my blog was, so as a favor to everyone I reckon, I cleaned the shit up.

04/01/08
BWAH!!!
I have a handful of regular readers. And I really like you all stopping by here now and then. But occasionally, I get a brand new reader. One who stumbles randomly across this piece of shit using search engines. What brings people to my humble home? Well, phrases like this for example:

05/01/08
Score Another One For The Good Guys
U.S. air strike kills al Qaeda boss in Somalia

06/02/08
Quote of the Day
"Gods don't kill people.
People with Gods kill people."
07/01/08
Caveat emptor
(Latin: “let the buyer beware”), in the law of commercial transactions, principle that the buyer purchases at his own risk in the absence of an express warranty in the contract.

08/01/08
Jason? Freddie? (No, not you Freddie, The other Freddie)
Gunman opens fire on swimmers in Wisconsin

09/02/08

Quote of the Day
"Now I do not wish any ill will upon anyone. I just think that it is rather convenient for George to conjure up this hurricane, just in time to hike up gas prices for Labor Day weekend. Isn't that typical of Bush? Charging people more money for gas to evacuate a global warming created storm?"

10/01/08
Ride The Seesaw
If you've passed by this blog any time in the last couple years, you pretty much know by now who I like or dislike to be elected president.
Fine. Whatever. That's me.

11/01/08
What A Pile Of Shit
So as you may have noticed, I've been off the air for a few days.

Nothing major, I've been working on a project at my job and the final phase of the project was installing it in another state. So I left town Tuesday morning, did what needed doin', and got back today.

12/01/08

Merry Christmas

Obama announces Clinton, Gates for Cabinet

Well, there you go. My year in a nutshell.
May next year be as entertaining.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Dog!

Iraqi reporter throws shoes at Bush, calls him dog
Reuters - Sun Dec 14, 12:57 PM ET Sent 94 times

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - An Iraqi reporter called visiting U.S. President George W. Bush a "dog" in Arabic on Sunday and threw his shoes at him during a news conference in Baghdad.
[...]
Let's talk about this Bush vs reporter shoe throwing thing a bit, shall we?

I was listening to Adam Carolla for a couple minutes on the way into work this morning. He was talking about the reporter throwing the shoe at President Bush and calling him a dog during the press conference in Iraq. The point Carolla was trying to convey was that in different cultures, different insults carry different weight.

For instance, in the camel-fucker culture, calling someone a dog is supposed to be one of the most demeaning insults you can possibly inflict upon someone.

Over here, we call a guy a motherfucker or a cocksucker. We call a woman a bitch, slut, cunt, ... whatever. Asshole, fuckhead or shit-for-brains all seem to be ageless, genderless insults.

So, my point? If you're going to travel abroad, or if you're planning on hosting a visitor from another culture, it may behoove you to learn not only the traditions, habits and cuisine, but also the insults.

Someone telling me "You lie down with dogs." Big deal. The dog crawls up on my lap for a nap almost every night while I'm watching teevee. Some people's dogs even sleep in or on the bed with them.
And to call someone a monkey? Hmmm. Sounds to me like they may be good in the sack.

And if I were to call some middle easterners fat cows, they may take that as a compliment. Since some of them worship cows, being a fat one may mean you're healthy and living beyond your means. Calling someone in another country a goat fucker could be no big deal either, since they do that all the time anyway.

Naw, if you're really going to call Bush a bad name, read some of the lefty blogs and jot down a few notes. You can use those in your press conference while you're hurling your flea infested, smelly, size 10's at the podium.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Give her furnace some heat"
That reminds me of a saying I once heard. An old friend of mine an I were bantering one day about getting older, and how the hair was turning grey. He said "There may be some snow on the roof, but there's a fire in the furnace."



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Friday, December 12, 2008

Yet Another Voice in the Crowd

I just can't help it. I'm compelled to make some sort of comment on the so-called 'Big 3 Bailout'. Why not? Everyone else is.

Whatever the automakers say the cause is, if they made a better, cheaper product, they wouldn't be having these problems.

Chevy has always been my truck of choice. I've owned 7 Chevy trucks, one Dodge, and one Ford. Cars I'm not as particular about, but trucks - except for the one time I was poor and needed a work truck, have always been Chevy's.
Why? Because they have always been reliable for me.
Yes, baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet. 'Murican as as you can get, right? An American company making trucks built from parts manufactured in Mexico, assembled in Canada.

Fairly recently, Japan realized us big, burly, red-blooded American, gun totin' rednecks didn't want some little two-seater we had to shoehorn ourselves into. That even though they were good on gas, for the most part those tiny little Datsuns, Toyotas, and Nissans stayed on the pavement and rode like go-carts.

No, we wanted big, tough, manly, oversized even, high clearance trucks that could take a beating, not fall apart, not to mention, haul one a'them two-seated rice burners in the back. It needed to be tough looking, tough built, rugged. Look like a tank and drive like a Cadillac.

So Japan started making the Tundras and the Titans. And guess what? They gave the big three a run for their money. So what did the big three do then? Why, they added more frills. They started making the Navigators, the Expeditions, the Suburbans, all those huge, expensive, gas guzzling tanks that soccer moms decided they needed because they were safer for their precious little snowflakes, and also because they could more easily haul around them and their friends, and their friends.
They didn't bother making the existing pick-up line better or stronger, making a better warranty, or heaven forbid, offer better or cheaper service or repairs. No, all they wanted to do was get the merchandise out the door so you would drive it, break it, and come in for replacement parts. Sort of like computer printers and ink cartridges, right?

So we have an expensive yet cheaply made product by union members...

Which, I was also one of those for several years, a union hand. I understand where unions came from when Americans needed the protection of a strong union from 'company' abuses, greed, and dangers of the average work day. It wasn't uncommon to take your life into your own hands by showing up for work, just to feed your family. Unions fixed many safety issues before OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) had anything to do with it.

If you were in a 'company' town, chances are, you also had company store where you could get credit the day you were hired. Of course, the interest rate at the company store was such that it was impossible to ever go in the black. You never made enough to pay the company store back, so you basically worked every day to keep company goons from taking your possessions, your knees, your wife, anything of value they didn't already own.

So unions at one time, were beneficial. They made it so it was safe to go to work, and made it so you could actually make money instead of just survive. Non-union companies saw what was going on and bolstered their work areas and pay scales to keep unions out. So everyone benefited.

On the other hand, unions become safety nets for lazies, idiots and crooks.

A union hand doesn't just go to work and have a supervisor tell him to go help in department "A" today. He has a union scale job such as screwing a nut on a bolt, and he gets paid union scale for having that job. Any variance from that particular task - even for a short while - can mean he gets paid extra for doing someone else's job in addition to his own regular pay.

You have to fuck up quite bad to get fired from a union job. You have all sorts of representation and legal counsel that will fight to the bitter end to keep you employed. They don't want to lose out on the monthly dues you pay to stay in the union.

And let's not even get into pensions. Those are definitely becoming a thing of the past. If you're a company owner who gambles with the pension money and wins, you make a killing. If not, you're Enron. You lose, your company loses, the pensioners lose, you make the Titanic look like one big wet t-shirt contest.

So the unions gambled and wouldn't make any concessions - or at least, enough. They wouldn't accept cuts or losses of what they had, so they're going to lose it all if the company does go out of business. Which, I'm guessing is the way they planned it. If they would have taken a cut, they wouldn't get laid off. Therefore, they wouldn't collect unemployment.

It seems anymore, that foreign made vehicles are every bit as good if not better than what we make here in the good ole' U.S. of A., so these companies going down won't rob us of any product, unless you're totally, 100% dead set against buying anything not "American Made" or "Union Label".

I don't like the idea of these companies going under, because I don't like the idea of millions of unemployment people. But I also don't like paying a fortune for a vehicle and wondering just how long it is going to last before I have to start sinking hundreds into it just to keep it running.

The kicker here is that Harry Reid is supporting this bailout. And if there's one thing I do know, if Harry Reid is supporting it - it ain't nothing but another fucking for the American people.






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'Nuther Funny

SVEN & OLE

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota, he is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls... the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, Hey, Sven, come and look at dis her new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat... and the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"
Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"
Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."





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A Funny

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bicycle!"





Fitting for these times.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"I wait you answer"
Well, here's your answer: Fuck Off.



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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Instructions

Very N.S.F.W. in the following paragraph. Look over your shoulder before clicking link!

I know you girls have often wondered, "Do I do a sufficient job of pleasing him?" Well, fear no more. Here is everything you need to know about how to give him the best bj possible.

Asked and answered.


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Optical Illusion

This is a neat trick. Read the caption below the pic:







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Guess They Didn't Have The Balls After All

Day to `call in gay' finds few willing to strike

Thu Dec 11, 12:03 AM ET

SAN FRANCISCO - A daylong work stoppage during which employees were encouraged to "call in gay" to express support for same-sex marriage drew spotty participation nationwide Wednesday, with some gay rights activists praising the concept but questioning its effect.
[...]
Poor downtrodden mistreated fags. Supposedly not getting treated equally.

WAAAAHHH!!!

crybaby


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Well, Shit.

Sorry sweet lady.

This is supposed to be the time of year for family and friends, wassail, cookies, giving and sharing, joy and kindness. But thanks to a bunch of greedy mutherfukkers, there seems to be nothing this year but sadness, worry, anticipation and wonder.

Best wishes for you, and good luck. I hope the new endeavor eventually serves you.


candle


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Spam Subject of the Day

"We Guuaranteees Bigger Pens"
Stutter much there fuckwad?
But, no thanks. The pens I have are sufficient.



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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

She's Even Hotter When She's Bloody

From Weekly World News:






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N.Y.C.'s Finest?



Well, if he is a cop, he should get a pat on the back.
Chances are though, the recipient of the fluids enjoyed it.


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Bummer Dude

Illinois governor's arrest stuns politicos
Wed Dec 10, 12:13 AM ET

CHICAGO - The words on the recording sound as if they were uttered by a mob boss. Instead, the feds say, it is the governor of Illinois speaking.
[...]
This is not really anything new. This sort of shit has gone on for years, in I'm guessing every state in the union, but most certainly political offices in Illinois. He was just not smart enough to not get caught.

Now the question is, when is the media or the law going to research this shit and dig deep enough to where they uncover Obamm-bamm's role in all this?

Just a hunch, but I can't imagine him not being involved somewhere. He was a senator in that state for hell's sake. He can't possibly claim he didn't know anything about it and not be lying.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From The "No Shit" Files

No advance for women in top U.S. jobs
Wed Dec 10, 12:40 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Women in 2008 made no significant gains in winning more top U.S. business jobs, according to a study released on Wednesday, but the head of the study said women are poised to make strides in the year ahead.
[...]
Well, duh! What with unemployment and layoffs skyrocketing, neither are men.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Valium"
Good idea.



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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Quote of the Day

“I was so poor growing up, if I hadn’t been a boy I’d have had nothing to play with on Christmas Day.”

Rodney Dangerfield
B'yuk.

Photobucket


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Now That's An Idea

Belgian car dealer offers second car for free
Reuters - Fri Dec 5, 10:48 AM ET

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Buy one, get one free: it's a familiar sales pitch for happy-hour cocktails or last season's fashions, but now a Belgian car dealer is luring customers with just that line.
[...]
It would be cool if American dealerships started doing that too. I'd go get me a new truck, and maybe a cheap piece of shit to drive back and forth to work.
Maybe that will be in the bailout plan?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's Next?

Calling in 'gay' to work is latest form of protest
Tue Dec 9, 7:53 AM ET

SAN FRANCISCO - Some same-sex marriage supporters are urging people to "call in gay" Wednesday to show how much the country relies on gays and lesbians, but others question whether it's wise to encourage skipping work given the nation's economic distress.
[...]
Oh for fuck's sake. More fucking idiots.

Well, I guess that puts you in the same category as the dumb-ass wetbacks who called in 'sick' a year or so ago. Made us go without our burritos for a day.

This reminds me of a joke I heard a few years back though:

Employee: "Boss, I'm not going to be in today. I'm sick"

Employer: "Just how sick are you?"

Employee:
"Well, I'm fucking my sister. How sick is that?"







Update - 12/10/2008: Let it be known, I did not stay home from work today.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"We wish you a merry Christmas!"
Ah, shucks. Now you've gone and made me all teary.
Asshole.



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Monday, December 08, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"love llove love love love :)"
Uh, sure. Take another toke.



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Friday, December 05, 2008

"Christmas Day, Give Or Take A Week"

This has to be one of my favorite paintings from one of my all-time favorite artists, Bev Doolittle:


Definitely click on the picture to use the embiggenator. This small size don't do it justice.

You should really do yourself a favor and go check out some of her other work. She specializes in 'camouflage art'.
For instance, go here and see how many faces you can find.

Of course, I can't afford any of it unless it's maybe a book of her work, but it is beautiful stuff.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That Stinks

Proposed fee on smelly cows, hogs angers farmers

MONTGOMERY, Ala. – For farmers, this stinks: Belching and gaseous cows and hogs could start costing them money if a federal proposal to charge fees for air-polluting animals becomes law.

[...]

It would require farms or ranches with more than 25 dairy cows, 50 beef cattle or 200 hogs to pay an annual fee of about $175 for each dairy cow, $87.50 per head of beef cattle and $20 for each hog.
[...]
This is about the stupidest idea I've heard come out of the ass of the EPA yet.

Food prices are too high already, and now these fucking idiots want a tax on belches and farts? Give me a fucking break.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"The number of inches down there indicates the number of your male advantages. "
Let's see. I wear a size 10, does that mean I can run faster?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, December 04, 2008

BWAH!!!

Re: Big 3 bailout:




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy Shit!

What are the odds?:
The one that didn't get away yields long-lost ring

BUNA, Texas – The one that didn't get away held an unlikely surprise for a Texas man. The blue-stoned class ring of Joe Richardson, engraved with his name, turned up inside an 8-pound bass 21 years after he lost it while fishing on Lake Sam Rayburn.
[...]
That's just wild. That the ring hasn't totally disintegrated is amazing.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WTF?

This really pisses me off:
NJ girl paralyzed in crash by Giants fan gets $26M

NEWARK, N.J. – A stadium vendor has settled a lawsuit by the family of a girl paralyzed in a car accident caused by a drunken New York Giants fan for $26 million.

The amount of the settlement had been sealed until Wednesday, when a state appellate court overturned a lower court's decision to keep the settlement private.

Antonia Verni, 11, and her mother, Fazila, sought to keep the settlement private because of concerns over how the girl's estranged father handled funds from earlier settlements with other defendants.

The family sued Philadelphia-based Aramark Corp., Giants Stadium's concessionaire, claiming that employees continued to serve beer to Daniel Lanzaro of Cresskill even though he was visibly intoxicated.
[...]
The vendor gets sued because of the stupidity of the patron? Good gawd-a-mighty.

Yes, I understand he was 'visibly intoxicated'. He shouldn't have been served. But the vendor is no babysitter either. You've heard my opinion enough on this here blog to know how I feel about people suing vendors, manufacturers, whoever, because of the stupidity of an individual who don't take responsibility for their own actions. And it's usually because the people bringing charges want a payout and know that they can't get it from the individual.

Take a look at the bolded paragraph again. This ain't their first rodeo. They've done this shit before. They knew who held the purse strings.

CHA-CHING!!! assholes.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Super suggestion for you."
Better yet, I have one for you. Fuck off.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

For The Person Who Has Everything

Here is a web site full of goods that are quite unique:
Stupid Gifts

My favorite is the egg separator:
Or the sperm bank:
But the "Yes We Can" opener is good too:
As is the old favorite - the Hillary Nutcracker:


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Find your perfect match"
I did. My ass and your face.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Hmmm....

'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.'

Thomas Jefferson 1802




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From The "No Shit" Files

It's official: US has been in a recession all year

WASHINGTON – It's official. The U.S. economy has been in a recession for the past year.

The start of the downturn was announced Monday by the National Bureau of Economic Research.

The NBER — a private, nonprofit research organization — said its group of academic economists who determine business cycles met and decided that the U.S. recession began last December.
[...]
Yeah, tell something we don't know.

But now I ask, what are we going to do about it?
Well, throw more of the seemingly endless supply of deficit money! Of course!:
House to push $500 billion stimulus bill

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi met leading governors on Monday to discuss the size and shape of an economic stimulus package that one Democratic aide said was likely to cost around $500 billion.
[...]


Fucking fucked up Pelosi. What a fucking idiot.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject of the Day

"The truth behind 9 inches"
Yeah, it's really 6.




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Monday, December 01, 2008

Why? When? I'll Be Damned. You Dun All That?

Saw this over at the Li'l Ole House by the Parkway. I thought "What the hell, I'll do it. I'm not very interested in doing anything really productive today."

Difference is, if there's something I have not done, I'll substitute it for something I have done.

So here's a bit about me:

1. Started your own blog
Duh. Five actually.

2. Slept under the stars
More times than I can count

3. Played in a band
High school? For years.
After high school? A couple. We sucked.

4. Visited Hawai’i.
Maybe one of these days. If Mrs Curmudgeon has her way.
Substitute Redwood forest here though.

5. Watched a meteor shower
Again, more times than I can count

6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
No, but Obama will be changing that.
But I have given more than I could afford to a family member who needed help.

7. Been to Disneyland
And DisneyWorld. Several times.

8. Climbed a mountain
Many, many, many.

9. Held a praying mantis
They're way cool. Until they jump.

10. Sang a solo
Not something you want me to do.

11. Bungee jumped
Maybe when hell freezes over.
I'll throw in whitewater rafting down the Colorado here.

12. Visited Paris
They talk funny.
I'll change this to Drive through the wild animal park near San Antonio.
Had a buffalo stick his head in through the window. I know first hand where the term 'buffalo breath' comes from. Good gawd - a - mighty.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
Cruise ships tend to avoid them.
You haven't heard a lightning storm until you've had it surround you at 10,000 feet in the mountains.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
Some painting, some sketching.

15. Adopted a child
Just dogs.

16. Had food poisoning
Not something you want to try.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Never been to NYC.
I've been on top of the Sears tower in Chicago. But I didn't walk.

18. Grown your own vegetables
We had a garden every year when I was a lad. I kept up the habit for a spell after I moved out of the house.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Never left North America.
I've seen some of van gogh work though.

20. Slept on an overnight train
A couple times. But it was coach, not in a sleeper.

21. Had a pillow fight
With the strobe light blinking. You should try it sometime.

22. Hitchhiked
Two flat tires and only one spare. Didn't enjoy having to do it.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
I would dare say this is the item on the list bolded by more people than any other.

24. Built a snow fort
Many, many times.

25. Held a lamb
From the front or from the back? ;)

26. Gone skinny dipping
Second most bolded item on the list maybe?

27. Run a marathon
Why would I? I have a drivers license.
I have run for my life during a coal mine cave-in though.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Paddled a rubber raft. Close enough.

29. Seen a total eclipse
Partial eclipse=partial bold. I've seen at least a dozen.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
Both. Often.

31. Hit a home run
Pervert. Always talking sex.
Scored a touchdown though.

32. Been on a cruise
A couple.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
Not yet. I plan to.
I have seen Bryce Canyon. Have you?

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Maybe one of these days.
I've visited Mayan ruins. More than once. Amazing.

35. Seen an Amish community
Nope.
Throw "polygamist community" in here though.

36. Taught yourself a new language
I'll bold this because I started learning German. I can't speak it but I can somewhat understand some.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
I'm about as close as I think I will ever be.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Whoever drummed this thing up seems to have been all over New York and Italy. There is much more than those two places on this planet.
I'll substitute Ansazi ruins here for a poorly designed tower.

39. Gone rock climbing
A bit. With only a rope.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
Nope.
But I have seen many petroglyphs and pictographs.

41. Sung karaoke
Hell no. There ain't enough alcohol in a tavern to get me up there like that.
I have had small parts in stage productions.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
And a few others.

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Once.
I also bought bread, milk, coffee, meat and cheese for a bum outside a restaurant in lieu of a handout.

44. Visited Africa
Probably never will
I have visited Cozumel though

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
And swam in the ocean, while fornicating. Or is it fornicated while swimming in the ocean?
Oh well. You get the idea.

46. Been transported in an ambulance
I hope to never have that opportunity.
But I'll substitute 'Driven a tractor' here.

47. Had your portrait painted
A caricature will have to do here.

48. Gone deep sea fishing
Never been so sick in my life. Bad, bad waves.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Nope.
As for religious buildings though, let's use the mormon temple in Salt Lake City, along with the tabernacle. (Where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings).

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Again, nope.
I'll substitute the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas. It's a half scale replica. Fuck it. Close enough.

51. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling
In Cozumel and Xcaret. Very nice.

52. Kissed in the rain
Huh? Nope.
Ran nekkid through the snow when I was a teenager.
It was a bet. What can I say?

53. Played in the mud
Good gawd. I was a boy once.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater
And wired the stereo in my truck so I could plug it into the bogus speaker that hung on your window. Only way you could hear what the hell was going on.
At least during the movies where no date was involved. ;)

55. Been in a movie
'Fraid not.
Made the news once though.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China
Nope.
Been 5 miles underground in a mine for several years.

57. Started a business
Stupidest thing I ever did. Wrong people.

58. Taken a martial arts class
Uh-uh.
Watched 'Kung Fu' when I was young.

59. Visited Russia
Nyet.
The United States is going that direction though.

60. Served at a soup kitchen
Nope.
I was a bus boy for a while. That sucked.

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Never have.
Swam with the sting rays in the Caymans once. What a trip.

62. Gone whale watching
We saw some by being in the right place at the right time. Not on a planned excursion.

63. Got flowers for no reason
A cookie bouquet is the same thing - for a guy.

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
They call me every time I am eligible, and I donate. I'm up to about 60 donations now.

65. Gone sky diving
No reason to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
I've flown through the air on a snowmobile a couple times.
Exhilarating.

66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
I would like to.
I'll substitute visiting a dinosaur quarry for this one.

67. Bounced a check
Got my checkbooks mixed up once. The closed account with the newly opened one in a different town. Wrote three or four bad checks before I realized it. Made good on all of them though. One while sitting in the sheriff's office.

68. Flown in a helicopter
No, although it would be a hoot.
I've flown in a six-seater and landed atop a mesa though.

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
A couple. :)

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Nope.
Visited Yellowstone park in the winter is a good choice here.

71. Eaten caviar
Atop some sushi.

72. Pieced a quilt
Helped my mother do it.

73. Stood in Times Square
Not something I ever care to do.
I've cruised the Las Vegas strip and Fremont street. Which is something you can't do any more.

74. Toured the Everglades
No. Driven by.
Hauled hay when I was a kid. A lot of people have never had that 'pleasure'.

75. Been fired from a job
The boss was a dumbass. It was a boiler room operation and I didn't know it at the time, but he had planned on only keeping me around while I finished a particular project. I worked myself out of a job.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
No.
Been in huge underground caverns though. Stalagmites and stalactites are most awesome.

77. Broken a bone
My pinky toe on my right foot. Sunuvabitch that hurt.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
I'll substitute ATV here. Love them things.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
A couple times. Everyone should see it.

80. Published a book
Sounds like a pain in the ass to me.
I'm a programmer. Some of my applications are used around the world. Close enough.

81. Visited the Vatican
No.
A Mayan sacrificial temple. Same thing, right?

82. Bought a brand new car
Several.

83. Walked in Jerusalem
Nope.
Walked in the Nevada desert though.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper
Again, a few times.

85. Read the entire Bible
And several other religious works. Yaaaaawwwwn.

86. Visited the White House
I'll definitely stay away from there for at least four years.
I've been to the San Diego zoo. That can last a couple days.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
And fish.

88. Had chickenpox
I was a wee bit of a lad. Don't remember it but my mother told me stories.

89. Saved someone’s life
I drug a friend out of the garage after he left the engine running and the door closed. Yes, it was on purpose. After he shafted me in later years, I realized I should have left the asshole in there.

90. Sat on a jury
I've always gotten out of jury duty.
Had to show up as a witness once though.

91. Met someone famous
Had a nice conversation with Robert Goulet while painting inside his house once upon a time.

92. Joined a book club
No freaking way. Nor a record club.
I'll put here that we have probably 10 magazine subscriptions. More than we need.


93. Lost a loved one
I don't think there are many people who haven't.

94. Had a baby
I didn't. She did. My first wife. I'm not absolutely sure it was mine.

95. Seen the Alamo in person
I did. Neat place.

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
"Float like a cork" it says on the billboard. Trust me. You don't want to swallow any of that water.
You don't really want to swim in it if you get the chance either.

97. Been involved in a law suit
Does divorce court count? Does for me.

98. Owned a cell phone
Good gawd. In this day and age?

99. Been stung by a bee
Yeah, I was up about 20 feet on a ladder, spray gun in one hand, shield in the other, and right in front of my face was a hole in the awnings where the hornets came in and out.
Ever try to climb down a ladder with tools in your hand while being chased by a hornet? Not fun.

100. Read an entire book in one day
Big deal. When you're laid up, the last thing you want to be is laid up. Something has to occupy your time. And it ain't going to be daytime teevee.


So there you have it. A little slice of my existence.



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