Happy Birthday To Me!

Yup, I'm another year older today. Time to go celabate.
Wups, I mean celebrate.

Desert Rain

We here in the Las Vegas Valley don't get much rain. The average is about 4" per year. It's a desert after all.
But when we do get rain, we get it all at once. In a day, we may get a half inch of rain. Not much by most standards, but that half inch we get will come down in the space of about 5, maybe 10 minutes.
The desert floor has a lot of clay, caliche and rock, none of which provide very good absorption or drainage. So when it rains, it pours. Then it floods. Roads and gutters swell beyond capacity, and the streets become flooded washes. Drivers become idiots, and emergency personnel become backlogged. Traffic pretty much grinds to a halt.

So as I was in the check-out line at the grocery store yesterday afternoon, we had a storm. Wind, rain, fire, brimstone. Well, not really but there was wind, rain, lightning and thunder. I loaded wet groceries into my truck as the streets became flooded and the drivers became idiots. It took me twice as long to get home, following and dodging those idiots, and splashing through the 8 to 16 inches of water on the roads.

I just wanted to point one thing out, in case any of you come to Las Vegas and encounter a storm.
Don't be like the car I passed while I was spewing 15 foot rooster tails of rainwater from under my tires. Roll your windows up before I get there!

That is all.

Joke of the Day

Okay, here's another classic.

The guy is sitting at the bar, when in rushes another gentleman who in a very loud voice, hurridly asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.
He quickly downs the shot and requests another immediately.
That one gets tossed back just as quickly and yet another is requested.

The guy sitting there can take it no longer and asks "You're slamming those shots pretty fast, what's the occasion?"

His reply is "My first blow-job." as he tosses back the third shot.

"And you're trying to get drunk because of that?"

"No, I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

Monte

From courttv.com:

June 16, 2005
Drunken man tries to ride lawn mower to grocery store

Late-night cravings are nothing unusual, but Joseph Mundy's munchies landed him in trouble.

The Ohio man was arrested and charged with DUI after attempting to ride his lawn mower to the grocery store.

According to Delhi Township Police Lieutenant Richard Ideker, Mundy, 23, and a friend had allegedly been drinking. At about 3 a.m., they decided that they were hungry and planned a trip to a local grocery store.

Mundy, who had a suspended license, drove the lawn mower without headlights and almost collided with a police vehicle patrolling the area.

The officer conducted a field sobriety test, which both men failed, Ideker said. Mundy reportedly told the officer that he was heading for the store because he had the munchies.

Mundy was taken to the police station, where his blood-alcohol level was recorded at .189. The legal limit in Ohio is .08.

The suspect was charged with driving under suspension and operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol. He was cited and released, while his lawn mower was impounded. His friend was not charged.

Yeah, I know. This is not all that recent. But whilst perusing these, I stumbled upon the story and it reminded me of Monte.
I've mentioned Monte to a few people before, but I'll go ahead and write a post on it. What the hell.

Fresh out of high school, I worked at a small service station. You may remember those, where you would pull up to the pump and someone would pump your gas, clean your windshield and check your oil for you.

I worked in the back of the station as a tire man.
There were four of us tire guys working in the back, along with one mechanic, and every now and then, when the fuel delivery guys had a break from deliveries, they would help us out.
We repaired and sold tires of all sizes, from car and truck tires to tires for semis, tractors and even underground mining equipment.

In the front of the station, were the owner, a highway patrolman who worked part time to supplement his income, and Monte. These guys waited on you when you pulled up to the pump.
All three front men spent most of the day sitting around bullshitting amongst themselves, or with any of the townfolk who happened by for service, gas, or just to talk a spell.
There was no local store with a pot belly stove in the middle of the floor with the checkerboard sitting on a cracker barrel, there was "Tracy's". This was the place where the menfolk came to chat, bond, gossip, whatever you want to classify it as.

But when a customer pulled up to the pump interrupting their 'conversation', one of them would go outside and wait on the customer.
There was a pecking order involved though. The part-timer always had to go out first, of course because Monte was "old, and tired", unless another car pulled up at the same time. Then Monte would go out. It really goes without saying that the owner would be last in line to wait on a customer unless he knew them real well or wanted to talk to them personally.

Anyway, Monte was a serious alcoholic. He had spent many a night in jail. He was the town's version of 'Otis Campbell' (Mayberry).
Monte was a farmer, living a short 3 or 4 blocks from the gas station. He would drive to work every day to supplement his farming income, and park his station wagon out front near the main drag going through town. He would work all day, then head home to work on his farm, or head to the bar after work, especially on payday. After the bar, he would then head home to the farm.
That is, unless a deputy saw him leave the bar. He would then get to spend the night, a few days or even more in jail. The next morning, after he had slept it off, he would raise such a rucous they would kick him out.
He was known for such antics as taking off his jail shirt to stuff in the toilet, then flush repeatedly until his cell was sufficiently flooded that the jailer would open his cell and send him home so they could clean it up.
Of course, he would always have a job at the station when he got out.

But Monte would lose his license on regular basis, eventually gain it back only to lose it again.
Keep in mind this was a small town, before drunk driving became such a major issue, and all sorts of laws were put in place. At the time, it was much easier to pay your penance, spend the night in the lockup, whatever, and you could get your license back. If you even lost it, that is. Cops were just as likely to let you spend the night in jail for your own safety or someone else's, then let you go the next day.

For those of you unfamiliar with rural ordinances, you don't need a license to drive a tractor on the road. In fact, there isn't even an age restriction. If you're physically able to operate the tractor, you can drive it on public roads or highways. See where this is going?

Well, we could always tell when Monte had lost his license again. Instead of the station wagon being parked out front, there would be a tractor in its place.

As we would get to work, and even for several years after I left that job, we would see the tractor parked out there and say "Looks like Monte lost his license again."

Spam Subject of the Day

"do leave the almighty retrogressive"

Heathen! Blasphemer!

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions blah blah blah.

YIPPEE!!

From Roto-Reuters:

Gun control backers thwarted in Senate debate

Gun control advocates in the U.S. Senate, unable to halt a bill that would shield the firearms industry from some lawsuits, tried unsuccessfully on Wednesday to put some gun safety measures in the measure.
[...]
But Senate Republican leaders used procedural moves to swiftly block amendments for most of Wednesday. In the evening, they agreed to a vote on one measure involving child safety locks, but it remained unlikely that the Senate would vote on any of the more controversial initiatives.
[...]
But critics said that the bill goes much further and would prevent action even against distributors who supply guns to criminals. They said it would halt lawsuits by policemen shot on the job or families who lost loved ones to the 2002 Washington-area snipers.

"The real effect of this bill would be to prevent victims of gun violence from pursuing even obviously valid claims in state or federal courts," said Sen. Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat.

Sen. Mark Dayton, a Minnesota Democrat, said the bill provided the industry "almost complete immunity from lawsuits" for negligence.

As well it should.

Once again, say it with me people:
"It's not the weapon. It's the person holding the gun, knife, axe, hammer, baseball bat, steering wheel, ..."

I don't want to see a cop get shot on the job any more than I want little Billy to shoot his friend Timmy while they're sneaking around dad's sock drawer.
But it isn't negligence of the gun manufacturer causing either to happen. It is a purposeful act by a criminal or a negligent act of an irresponsible gun owner.
And neither Timmy's parents nor the cop's family should be able to bankrupt the gun manufacturer because of either scenario.

Fart Science

Another one from the animal kingdom, via yahoo from the AP:

Researcher Measures the Gases Cows Emit:

[...]
The ladies,' as they're called by University of California researcher Frank Mitloehner, are doing their part to answer a question plaguing one of California's largest agricultural industries: How much gas does a cow emit?

A question which has kept me awake many a night.

[...]
The findings will be used to write the state's first air quality regulations for dairies and could affect regulations nationwide.

But before he explains how it works, Mitloehner wants one thing to be clear.

'We're not talking about flatulence,' he says.

He emphasizes the point because his research has been dismissed as 'fart science,' a label he says doesn't do justice to the seriousness of his work."
[...]

Not flatulence? What is it then?
Call it what you will, but it's still fart science.

Nevertheless, we better get busy on a catalytic converter which can be easily strapped to Bessie's ass. We'll then be moving on to a device for horses, pigs and sheep.

But beware - WE'RE NEXT!!! No pesticides, no smoking, and especially no farts!

We need to clean up the atmosphere. Global warming and all that.

Update: So I was on about my business when I started thinking: How does one go about performing these measurements?
I don't want to know.

Evil Sheep

From courttv.com, comes this:

Police: Man attacked 'evil' sheep statues

David Brian Madison may have done a very baaaaa-d thing.

Police in Billings, Mont., arrested the 40-year-old man July 6 after he allegedly vandalized four sheep statues displayed in front of local businesses.
[...]
According to the newspaper, the Billings Gazette, Madison told officers at the scene that he attacked the statues because 'sheep are evil and destroying our country.'
[...]

Evil, infidel sheep. They all must be destroyed!
I'm glad this maroon shed the light on what is really evil in this country.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Be sing a reset vandalism"

Uh.

WOOHOO!

Discovery has been sucessfully launched.
Cool.

Update: "Now traveling faster than a bullet from an assault rifle...".
Leave it to our unbiased media. Good gawd-a-mighty.

Update 2: Newsflash from SpaceflightNow:

SHUTTLE FLEET GROUNDED AGAIN BY FALLING FOAM
--------------------------------------------
NASA's shuttle program manager says the spaceship won't fly again until the agency understands why a large section of foam peeled away from Discovery's external fuel tank during yesterday's launch. Discovery's mission is the first shuttle flight since Columbia was lost in 2003 after being struck by falling foam.

So it wasn't fixed after all.
I could have sworn while I was watching the video of the separation of the external fuel tank, that I saw some stuff fly off. And it appeared to come from the same spot as where the engineers determined the chunk fell off of Columbia, when it met its fate.

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

Curmudgeon: So tell me something you remember from high school.

8-track: School girl sweety

Curmudgeon: Go on. Tell me about her then.

8-track: with a classy kinda sassy little skirt's

Curmudgeon: I see. Short skirt?

8-track: climbin' way up her knee

Curmudgeon: Ok, go on

8-track: There was three young young ladies in the school gym locker

Curmudgeon: Three girls in a locker? Doing what?

8-track: When I noticed they was lookin' at me

Curmudgeon: You took advantage of the opportunity, no?

8-track: I was a high school loser, never made it with a lady

Curmudgeon: Never?

8-track: Till the boys told me somethin' I missed

Curmudgeon: Hell yea!

8-track: Then my next door neighbor with a daughter had a favor

Curmudgeon: SHE had a favor?

8-track: So I gave her just a little kiss, a-like this

~

European Union

From Roto-Reuters:

Iran says will resume key atomic work despite EU

Iran will resume some key work on its nuclear fuel cycle regardless of what European diplomats might propose to defuse a dispute over its atomic ambitions, Iran's president said on Wednesday.

"Whether Europeans mention our right to resume activities at (the uranium conversion facility at) Isfahan or not, we will definitely resume it regardless," Mohammad Khatami told reporters.

See this is why the U.S. shouldn't worry so much about what the E.U. thinks. Other countries don't respect them either. In fact, many countries sucked into joining this farce don't respect their own decision.

The E.U. may have been a good idea for tourism and monetary reasons, but as some sort of body of conscience or political umbrella, they are useless.

This Day In History - Bugs Bunny

From historychannel.com:

July 27

1940 Bugs Bunny's debut

On this day in 1940, Bugs Bunny first appears on the silver screen in "A Wild Hare." The wisecracking rabbit had evolved through several earlier short films. As in many future installments of Bugs Bunny cartoons, "A Wild Hare" featured Bugs as the would-be dinner for frustrated hunter Elmer Fudd.

Another one of my heroes.
Call me old-fashioned, but cartoons nowadays just ain't as good as the classics.

Spam Subject of the Day

"why didnt you say hi"

Why didn't you go fuck yourself?

Here's A Quickie Chuckle

Some people are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

A Homey

From the AP via yahoo, regarding the bombings in Egypt:

CAIRO, Egypt - Las Vegas native Kristina Miller took time out from celebrating her 27th birthday with her British boyfriend in Egypt to speak with her father by phone, telling him that she loved him.

Hours later, she was dead — killed along with the boyfriend in the bombings Saturday at the Red Sea resort of Sharm el-Sheik.

"She was telling me about all the gifts she was bringing everyone, how she was going to spend her birthday that Friday going horseback riding and then going out to dinner with her boyfriend," Tony Miller told The Associated Press.

"I told her I loved her, she said she loved me and that she'd call me the next day. That was the last time I heard from her," Miller said Monday.

Ragheaded cocksuckers. Allah be fucking praised my aching ass.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Which hurt he purple ladylike"
I feel sorry for the poor bastard.

Rauchen Verboten

So I hear New Jersey is fixin' ta ban smoking in vehicles.

Not just cars with kids in, as some states have threatened, but anyone sucking on a cigar, pipe or tailor-made could be subject to a $250 fine for a FIRST OFFENSE.

This isn't anywhere near a smoking v. non-smoking issue. Second-hand smoke cry-babies be damned. No relevence whatsoever.
The issue here is supposedly, safety. Smoking is a distraction.

Well - here it is: Bullshit.

This is a lame assed attempt by the legislators to make themselves look like they care about 'the people'. This will only open the door for more restrictions. If this passes, do-gooders supposedly protecting The Children (tm) will be coming up with more and more things to help us all live safer and fuller lives.

What other distractions can we come up with. How about (obviously) cell phones. Also radios, tape and C.D. players. Constantly switching channels or recordings.

No movies for the kids. Someone may be watching your teevee in your car.
But wait a minute here - kids? Can't have them in the car. They can surely be distracting.
Any passenger for that matter. No car pooling! Can't be distracted with conversation. Everyone must have their own car. Their own car? That may be a bad thing.

On to makeup, razors, clothes, shoes, diapers...
What about an ice cold soda. Coffee. Bottled water. Gone.
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL BUB!!! 10:00 and 2:00!!!

It don't matter whether you smoke or not. A restriction like this WILL affect EVERYONE sooner or later. This horseshit is only the whitehead portion of an enormous boil on everyone's the ass if it is allowed to pass.

Update: I dunno what I did, but never trust your clipboard. It's fixed now.

Windows VISTA

So Microsoft has named their new operating system "Windows Vista".
What is the relevence of 'Vista'?

V=VIRUSES
I=INFECTIONS
S=SPYWARE
T=TROJANS
A=ADWARE

Makes sense to me.

Spam Subject of the Day

"The Stock Trading Gunslingers"

Yeah, uh-huh.

By The Campfire Circa B.C. 4927, Give Or Take A Century

Glog: "Look! Me make fire. Me not cold."

Throg: "Throg like fire - cook yak on fire."

Glog: "Throg sear yak meat on fire Throg die."

Throg: "Throg no eat yak meat raw"

Glog: "Cause cancer when sear meat"

Throg: WHOMP!!

Glog:

Throg: "Bother Throg damage brain."

Effin' OW!

From the AP via Yahoo:

"USA's Chelsea Davis hits her head on the board during a preliminary round in the women's three-meter springboard diving competition at the World Aquatics Championships Friday, July 22, 2005 in Montreal. Davis required stitches after hitting her head."

She's going to have a shiner.

'Cheep' Entertainment

I forget why, but as I was driving to work a couple days ago, I was thinking about my home town.

I grew in a small town in Wyoming. I'm guessing a population of about 5,000 in the winter, and 6,000 in the summer. The extra thousand consisting of tourists, who would on their way to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone, stop at the businesses, hotels, whatever.

The town was in the middle of a large valley, surrounded on all sides by the Rocky Mountains. It was an agricultural community with not much industry save for a couple cheese factories and a cheese puff factory. Any other money to be made was from tourism.

Being born of agriculture, this town still had ample pastures, barns and assorted farm structures to house various animals kept within the city limits. In fact, directly behind our house was a family who raised chickens for sale and hens for laying eggs to sell. We used to buy eggs from them on a regular basis. Why go to the store when you can walk across the back yard and have them sized, candled and packed, gathered fresh from chickens that morning?

As I mentioned, this family also raised chickens to sell. In fact, that's how they paid some of their bills. In trade. I don't remember the circumstances now, but my mother had performed some sort of task for them and the debt was repaid using chickens.

These chickens however, weren't wrapped and frozen. No, they were still wandering around the chicken coup pecking when we acquired them. The rest was up to us.
But the neighbor, being the gentleman he was, and also realizing we didn't really have the facilities for 'preparing' chickens for the freezer, volunteered to 'prepare' them for us.

My friends and I were probably about 12 years old at the time, and we were playing around in the back yard when the neighbor brought his chopping block and axe over to get the chickens ready for the freezer. What an adventure! At least to kids our age. I'm sure the girls in our neighborhood would not have enjoyed the spectacle near as much as we did, but then, boys will be boys, and we were expected to help so we could learn how it was done "Just in case we had to do it sometime".

Well, the next thing we knew, chickens were getting their necks stretched, a quick thud from the axe, and well...you've heard the expression "Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off." We were watching this phenomenon with our jaws agape until we couldn't take it anymore. Which is when we started laughing our asses off, at the same time trying to not get run into by one of these freaks.

Now THAT's entertainment.

So yes, I know how to hatch, raise, slaughter, draw, pluck, cut and prepare a chicken.
I'm just glad the neighbors didn't keep pigs.

My Brief Conversation With The Coffee Maker at 7:10 a.m.

Curmudgeon: "All set"

Coffeemaker:

Curmudgeon:

Coffeemaker:

Curmudgeon: "Hurry the hell up already!..."

This Day In History - Lady In Red

From historychannel.com:

DILLINGER GUNNED DOWN:
July 22, 1934

Outside Chicago's Biograph Theatre, notorious criminal John Dillinger--America's "Public Enemy No. 1"--is killed in a hail of bullets fired by federal agents.

[...]Anna Sage, a Romanian-born brothel madam in Chicago and friend of Dillinger's, agreed to cooperate with the FBI in exchange for leniency in an upcoming deportation hearing. She also hoped to cash in on the $10,000 bounty that had been put on his head.

[...]At 10:40 p.m., Dillinger came out. Sage's orange dress looked red under the Biograph's lights, which would earn her the nickname "the lady in red." Dillinger was ordered to surrender, but he took off running. He made it as far as an alley at the end of the block before he was gunned down, allegedly because he pulled a gun. Two bystanders were wounded in the gunfire. Public Enemy No. 1, as FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had deemed him, was dead.

See the Dillinger gang mugshots here.
Read the FBI case here.

John Dillinger and Anna Sage

Spam Subject of the Day

"in look by caught"

You keep telling me I won't get caught!

Joke of the Day

AT THE PEARLY GATES

A man appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers.....

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, 'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me."

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

Here It Comes

From the L.A. Times, we have a couple opinions on John Roberts. Go read if you wish.

Of course, he's going to be made out to be a piece of shit by any Bush hater, that goes with the territory. It don't matter who gets nominated, they're going to get slammed.

But in reference to the story, here's a little snippet:

'Eating a Single French Fry in a Metrorail Station':

Hedgepeth vs. Washington Metro Authority

In a zero tolerance case, the court upheld the arrest and booking of a 12-year-old girl for eating a French fry on the Washington, D.C., subway system, where consuming food is prohibited by law. Her lawyers challenged the legality of her arrest. In October 2004, Roberts wrote the majority opinion rejecting her contentions:"

No one is very happy about the events that led to this litigation. A 12-year-old girl was arrested, searched and handcuffed. Her shoelaces were removed, and she was transported in the windowless rear compartment of a police vehicle to a juvenile processing center, where she was booked, fingerprinted and detained until released to her mother some three hours later — all for eating a single French fry in a Metrorail station.

The child was frightened, embarrassed and crying throughout the ordeal. The district court described the policies that led to her arrest as "foolish," and indeed the policies were changed after those responsible endured the sort of publicity reserved for adults who make young girls cry.

Roberts is going to made to be the bad guy here. How could he convict this poor little girl on such a minimalist charge? What's wrong with him, is he crazy? What an asshole!

Well, maybe. But he upheld the law. He convicted the girl, which is what he should have done. I'll not fault him.

However, were it not for the idiot "plainclothes Metro Transit Police officer" this would never have been an issue. He's the one who went overboard.
He should never have arrested this girl. He could have done any number of things such as tell her she had to leave to eat or told her to throw away the food. Worst case scenario, detain her until her parents showed up.
But arrested and prosecuting her for such a minor offense is just stupid. He should have been fired.

I'm A Trekkie

James Doohan who as most know played Montgomery Scott (Scotty) on the original Star Trek died yesterday. He was 85.

"She canna take much more captain!"

His wife is going to send his ashes into space. That's spiffy.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Is turnoff no dickybird"

dickybird? I know a few of those people.

Uuunnnn....

Take this post and print it out. Then the next time you feel mother nature's call (if she exists), and you think you'll be sitting somewhere for a few minutes, you can read it. Then you can reread it, and maybe even read it again.

Then maybe someone could explain to me how those education dollars were well spent.

From the comments over at shoes' place:

(1) I find it interesting that you did not care to prove that the distinction between reality and fiction is that reality can be proven. Is that distinction something that we all make up as some sort of crutch so we do not have to believe the spooky stuff we read in Harry Potter books? Or is the distinction between fiction and reality a distinction that exists in reality? You apparently believe that the distinction between fiction and reality is a real (i.e. not fictional) distinction because you assume the reality of the distinction when you call the Bible, The Da Vinci Code, and the Harry Potter books "fiction." If you believed that the distinction between reality and fiction was merely fictional, then all of your ranting would be a little out of place. But if the distinction exists in reality then, by your definition, it must be possible to prove it. That is why I find it interesting that you omitted any sort of proof for the assertion that the provability of reality distinguishes reality from fiction.

"Uh yeah. Can I get a little extra ketchup for those fries please?"

More PC Bullshit

What a crock:

The word "fail" should be banned from use in British classrooms and replaced with the phrase "deferred success" to avoid demoralizing pupils, a group of teachers has proposed.

Members of the Professional Association of Teachers (PAT) argue that telling pupils they have failed can put them off learning for life.

Let's treat little Johnny with kid gloves. Be all nice, soft and tender while he's going to school. Then let's turn him loose in the "real" world. See how he gets along in a world where people are not so PC. See how long he lasts.

Some people thrive on weakness. The business or working world has as much of a food chain as the animal kingdom. A little tough love and failure definitely ain't going to hinder a child's developement. But teaching kids that everyone in this world is all kind and nice is going to get them chewed up and their bones spit out when they try to make it in life.

John Roberts

From Roto-Reuters:
Looks a little young to be a supreme court justice.
Whatever.

Spam Subject of the Day

"And complain my monocle wallpaper"
And ass my kiss.


Update:  Woops.

PICTURES FINALLY!

My weekend? What did it consist of? Glad you asked.

Yes, there is more. Much more. But these are some highlights.
Click for a larger version.


Friday morning, we took a ride up to Potter's Ponds to do a little fishing. Here's what it was like up there:

Friday afternoon was taken up with golfing. No camera required.

Saturday morning, we took a trip out on the desert to have a look at the dinosaur footprint:


Saturday afternoon brought a 4-wheeler trip up into the mountains. Here we are at almost 11,000 feet:


On our way down the mountain, We stopped at another one of my favorite fishing spots, Grassy Lake:


Here is a picture of a small forest fire near the top of the mountains:


Bambi was a little curious about all the traffic:

There are really good quality hi-rez pictures if you so desire. Just send me an email.

Hmmm

Funny, I didn't see this little movie on the news.

Allah fucking Akhbar my ass.


Tip o' the lid to Release The Hounds.

This Day In History - Mike Tyson

1991 Mike Tyson rapes a Miss Black America contestant

Notorious boxer Mike Tyson rapes Desiree Washington, a contestant in the Miss Black America pageant, in an Indianapolis, Indiana, hotel room.

[...]

After attending a Johnny Gill concert that night, Tyson found himself without a date. He called Washington and convinced her to join him so that they could talk and get to know one another. At his hotel, Washington agreed to accompany Tyson to his room so that he could pick up something he claimed to have left in his room. Surprising her as she came out of the bathroom, Tyson pinned Washington to the bed, telling her to relax as he forced himself upon her, purportedly calling her "Mommy."

Washington left the room alone about 30 minutes after arriving. A hospital medical examination was conducted and found to be consistent with Washington's account. Tyson claimed that the sexual encounter was purely consensual and that Washington had made the story up for money and because she was angry that Tyson had not walked her down to his limousine.

On February 10, 1992, Tyson was convicted of rape.
[...]

He's one looney sumbitch. The boxing commission must have seen some major dollar signs from either revenue or bribes in order to reinstate his license.
He is a tough boxer, but the only reason people would watch him any more is just to see what sort of idiocy he would pull in the ring when he starts losing.

Spam Subject of the Day

"A sign to screwdriver"

Screwdrivers are ok, but I prefer scotch.

A Joke

Ok, no pictures yet, but here's a joke:

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending...

Spam Subject of the Day

"Help your love stick to be stronger!"

Do ya' think? Nah.

I'M BACK!

I hope y'all missed me.
(Yeah, right.)

Anyway, it was weekend full of adventure. Full of fun, fishing and four-wheeling. (Damn, I did it again.)
I'll throw up some pictures eventually, but for now I have a little catching up to do.

Sorry Gang

I am going out of town for a long weekend. I probably won't be back on the air until monday, so there won't be any posting until then.

So, see y'all later and have a weekend!

Spam Subject of the Day

"so spend be county fight"

Ok, I'm confused.

Neat-o

For those of you with broadband access and decent CPU power, give this a 'spin'.

Google Earth

Very cool, but I believe they've only gotten working for Windows OS.

Re: Comment. Or, Shit-And-Run

See, this is one of the reasons I usually don't post political stuff. Everytime I post my opinion on a matter, which it is exactly that - my opinion, the roaches crawl out of the woodwork trolls crawl out from under their bridges and start flinging feces at the screen like a gawddamn baboon sitting behind the glass at the zoo.

In reference to this post some brand new and obviously clueless blogger, flinging liberal/lefty/demo/ChimpyMcHitlerBurtonItsAllAboutTheOilBushLied rhetoric which has been passed around the net and beaten past the point of being pureed, posted this comment:

Paul Jamason said...
hmm... bill clinton gets his dick sucked, while bush sends hundreds of our soldiers to die in a war based on lies (where are those wmd's again?). yet you choose to complain about the former. nice priorities... but typical for a conservative like you.

Sooo.... let's think about it a little, Paul.
"bush sends hundreds of our soldiers to die" - Have you bothered to listen to any soldier's opinion on being sent to war or are you just listening to bleeding heart liberals and their opinions on the matter?

If you bother check into some of the thoughts from previous, current, or soon-to-be stationed military personnel, they all have roughly the same thing to say about going to Iraq. They would rather not leave their families and friends behind to go to another country to fight and possibly die. However, they enlisted, they know they must serve their country, and they are proud to do what needs to be done. It doesn't matter which war - including the current one. They are proud to be soldiers and do their duty.
And a 'typical conservative like me' will continue to thank them and praise them for doing it.

It would probably behove you to go here and read up a little on the facts, rather than go to a blog and post a comment repeating the same bullshit you've talked yourself into believing, then take off again like a dog going to the neighbors backyard to take a shit and leave before the pellet gun comes out.

"a war based on lies (where are those wmd's again?) " - I'm not going to bother writing new stuff on this, go here and read some statements from people who did have access to intelligence data: If The Bush Administration Lied About WMD, So Did These People

Take note: Many of them are on your side of the fence.

To me, a 'Weapons of Mass Destruction' doesn't necessarily mean there are piles of nukes stacked outside Saddam's castles. It could be a few hundred pounds of sarin tucked into a spider hole somewhere out on Habib's farm. That small of an amount of sarin could cause mass destruction of lives.
It's not like he has never done this before...

"typical for a conservative like you." - He reads one political post and decides everything about my views. Typical liberal - jump to conclusions about the first thought they read and somehow twist it around so that Bush is a moron.

Holy fuck! Get a grip!

Obviously, the only thing we will ever agree on is that Clinton got his dick sucked.


Update: Ok, I fixed some typos.

Followup

So the dude kills three people in Idaho, kidnaps the kids for sex toys, abuses and kills the boy, and abuses the girl. That's a whole heap of evil by itself.

Now we find out that he's been bragging to the little girl about all of his twisted deeds while he has her captive?

That poor girl is more than scarred for life. She would probably have been better off if he had killed her too.

OW!

From Court TV:

A teenage mother of two was arrested Thursday after pulling a pistol from a diaper bag and shooting her husband in the groin inside a convenience store.

Domestic violence detectives with the Metro Nashville Police Dept. charged the 17-year-old mother with aggravated assault after her 21-year-old husband, Deandre Whitworth, was taken to a hospital around 7:10 a.m.

Witnesses told police that the brutality began when the two pulled into a parking lot across the street from a Mapco convenience store in Madison, Tenn., with their 4-month-old twins in tow.

Police said the young mother told detectives that a heated argument ensued between the separated couple over a request that the husband care for the children for a few days.

Witnesses reported seeing Whitworth strike his wife, whose name has not been released by police, and kick her in the parking lot. He stormed off to the convenience store and asked a clerk to call police because, he said, his wife was acting strangely.

When Whitworth returned to the car to find his wife slashing his tires, he grabbed the twins from the car and went back into the Mapco store.

His wife followed him into the store carrying a diaper bag, police said. She reached into the bag, pulled out a pistol and shot him once in the groin.

The twins were unharmed in the incident, and the 17-year-old suspect remained on the scene until police arrived, when she was taken into custody.

Whitworth is recovering from the gunshot wound at Vanderbilt University Medical Center.
Under Tennessee statute, juvenile suspects are only identified in cases of murder, rape, robbery or kidnappings.

Let's sum it all up now:
They're arguing in the parking lot about him watching the kids for a few days. He smacks and kicks her around then walks in to buy his slurpee. He goes back to the car and finds her slashing the tires, takes the kids in to buy their slurpees and she shoots him in the balls.

Don't sound like no Ward and June Cleaver.

This Day In History - Billy The Kid

From historychannel.com:

1881 Billy the Kid is shot to death

Sheriff Pat Garrett shoots William Bonney, popularly known as Billy the Kid, to death at the Maxwell Ranch in New Mexico. Garrett, who had been tracking the Kid for three months after the gunslinger had escaped from prison only days before his scheduled execution, got a tip that Billy was holed up with friends. While Billy was gone, Garrett waited in the dark in his bedroom. When Billy entered, Garrett shot him to death.
[...]

You should really follow the above link and read the brief history. It is rather interesting.

One of my high school teachers had an opportunity to interview William Bonney's sister. Of course she was at least well in to her eighties at that time. He planned on making a documentary, but I'm not sure if that came to fruition. I would have loved to hear what she had to say.

Spam Subject of the Day

"A shut the mortar"
Huh?

Where's That Bus?

I need to jump in front of it, as I have definitely heard it all now.
Pat Boone singing "Smoke On The Water", on my XM.

Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Levity

Here's one that's been around for a while, but not on my blog:

Alcohol Deficiency and Remedy Chart

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

--

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.

ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

--

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.

--

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

--

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.

FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.

ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

--

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

--

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.

--

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.

--

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.

--

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.

FAULT: The Bar is closing.

ACTION: Panic.

--

SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see anything in your bedroom.

FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.

ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.

Quote of the Day

From Ted Nugent:

"You should be able to put the second bullet in the same hole as the first bullet. That's gun control. I think good gun control is that no felons should have any access to firearms."

Billary - Attention Whore

I usually try to avoid politics, especially whilst blogging. I usually go for more lighthearted stuff. Humor humors me. But occasionally, like when I read articles about psycho bitch from hell, I feel compelled to bleat.

Hillary Clinton is one of the most self serving, brainless idiots anyone could put in any position of power. The only reason she ever got where she is today is because she was riding on the coattails of Mr. Bill, and that isn't a good thing. Especially when he is such an idiot himself. He was busy flip-flopping long before Kerry started doing it. Then he got busy raising taxes and getting his dick sucked while twisting words and inventing new definitions.

So after he leaves the White House, Hillary decides she needs to continue to be invloved in the government, if not more involved.

So what does she do when she starts thinking she needs more clout? Well, what does any insecure bully start doing when they are feeling inferior. Start calling names. That's right, "You...You asshole! You big dummy!" Just like a dog barking on the other side of the fence.

From a speech of hers in Colorado on sunday:

"I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Neuman is in charge in Washington," Clinton said during the inaugural Aspen Ideas Festival, organized by the Aspen Institute, a non-partisan think tank. The former first lady drew a laugh from the crowd when she described Bush's attitude toward tough issues with Neuman's catch phrase: "What, me worry?"

Trust her to make light to bring herself more attention. Yet another voice in the crowd bitching about how bad the country is being run and how shitty of a president dubya is.

However, New York's GOP chairman, Stephen Minarik sums up her statements more profoundly than I do:

"At a time when President Bush and most elected officials are focused on the security of our nation, Mrs. Clinton seems focused on taking partisan jabs and promoting her presidential campaign,"...

Whatever the campaign she is promoting is, it's still her personal agenda. Her self serving rhetoric. She would rather slam the current administration, ramble on about how bad things are, than what she is going to do or how she is going to help make things better. I think she is dangerous and in the long run, would cost us a lot of money if by chance she ever gained more power than she already has.

Darwin Award Candidate

From Yahoo:

Ky. Student Dies in 'Car Surfing' Stunt:

LOUISVILLE, Ky. - A Western Kentucky University student died from injuries he suffered while 'car surfing' on a moving vehicle.

Benjamin Watson, 19, of Louisville, fell off a car and hit his head Saturday night, said Jack Arnold, a Jefferson County deputy coroner. He died Sunday at University Hospital, Arnold said.

[...]

'He was a great kid,' the father said. 'He was starting to mature and say, 'I can use what I've been given to do some good.'

The best part is the quote by his dad: "He was starting to mature ..."
Bwah!

Classic Fishing Funny

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam
consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas
the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam
would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer
after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout.
The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful
fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and
observe. So the next morning the two met at the dock and
took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the
lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see
how it was done.

Sam's approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite,
lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the
lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to
surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When
he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at
Sam. "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You
will be paying every fine there is in the book!"

Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick
of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game
warden with these words, "Are you going to sit there all
day complaining, or are you going to fish?"

Spam Subject of the Day

"Re: Is send by volleyball"
No, it was by email.

Survey Says

Maricopa Mark suggested I throw this out for opinion:

As probably everyone knows by now, Howard Stern is leaving the public airwaves to go to Sirius satellite radio.
I couldn't be happier because now, I won't have to hear "Didja hear Stern this morning? He.... [did something adolescent, racist, stupid, disgusting, ...]".
Note to everyone: I never listen to the idiot, so don't ask me if I heard him this morning.

Not that many people, at least ones I know, have Sirius. So very soon, I won't be asked that question any more. I hope.
I can't stand to listen to that pompous, arrogant, egotistical, self serving bigot myself, but a lot of people for whatever reason, seem to like his vocal diarrhea.

But I digress....

Anyway, rumor has it that Diamond Dave is maybe taking over for Howard Stern.
I just can't picture David Lee Roth taking over as the host of Stern's talk show. But then I couldnt picture him as an E.M.T. either.
But he apparently has the ego required to be the host, so he may do just fine.

Whaddya think?

This Day In History - Coke.

Anyone remember this big fubar?
From historychannel.com:

July 11

1985 Coke's Classic Gaffe

[...]
As one of the officials for Coke's advertising agency noted, "research clearly said we had a winner." However, despite lavishing hefty sums on an advertising blitz, the new product--aptly dubbed "New Coke"--was a resounding flop. America's legion of soft drink aficionados simply despised the new formula.
[...]

The 'New Coke'. That shit was nasty.
Didn't take them long to put 'Coke Classic back on the shelves.

Spam Subject of the Day

"He look go soon encyclpaedia"
He himself go soon fuck.

Cool Pic

I went ahead and added this to my sidebar:

Via right-thinking

Dennis The Mennis

With this shit going on, we may not have to worry about closing down Guantanamo Bay. It may get blown off the map on its own.

My only hope would be that our people get out okay and leave the tortured, malnurished, downtrodden, Quran kissing pieces of shit behind.

Laundry Day

Ever need to know how to properly fold a T-shirt? That's what I thought.
Go here:

All Your Volcanos Are Belong To Us

"I am Xenu of the Galactic Confederacy. I come to Teegeeack in peace."

Forgive me for laughing here, but c'mon now:

In Scientology doctrine, Xenu is a galactic ruler who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes, and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause people problems today. These events are known to Scientologists as "Incident II," and the traumatic memories associated with them as The Wall of Fire or the R6 implant. The story of Xenu is part of a much wider range of related doctrines and beliefs within Scientology; see Space aliens in Scientology doctrine for a detailed overview.

L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, detailed the story in Operating Thetan level III (OT III) in 1967, famously warning that R6 was "calculated to kill (by pneumonia etc) anyone who attempts to solve it." The Xenu story was the start of the use of the volcano as a common symbol of Scientology and Dianetics from 1968 to the present day.

Much controversy between supporters and critics of the Church of Scientology has focused on the story of Xenu. The Church has tried to keep Xenu confidential; critics claim revealing the story is in the public interest, given the high prices charged for OT III. The Church avoids making mention of Xenu in public statements and has gone to considerable effort to maintain the story's confidentiality, including legal action on the grounds of both copyright and trade secrecy. Despite this, much material on Xenu has leaked to the public.

Maintain the confidentiality my aching ass, they're too embarrased to actually admint anything like that in public.

And yet idiots like Tom Cruise* would make us think that they have it all together? Good gawd.

Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of "renegades", he defeated the populace and the "Loyal Officers", a force for good that was opposed to Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of people to paralyse them with injections of alcohol and glycol, under the pretense that they were being called for "income tax inspections." The kidnapped populace was loaded into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The space planes were exact copies of Douglas DC-8s, "except the DC-8 had fans, propellers on it and the space plane didn't." DC-8s have jet engines, not propellers, although Hubbard may have meant the turbine fans.

When the space planes had reached Teegeeack, the paralysed people were unloaded and stacked around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were lowered into the volcanoes, and all were detonated simultaneously. Only a few people's physical bodies survived.

Hubbard was a pretty good sci-fi writer. I know I couldn't make that shit up. (And keep a straight face.)

Good lord am I ever ready for the weekend.


*Some other famous current (supposed) members:
Kirstie Alley
Anne Archer
Karen Black
Nancy Cartwright
Chick Corea
Tom Cruise
Jenna Elfman
Isaac Hayes
Beck Hansen
Katie Holmes
Al Jarreau
Jason Lee
Juliette Lewis
Danny Masterson
Lisa Marie Presley
Priscilla Presley
Kelly Preston
Leah Remini
Giovanni Ribisi
Mimi Rogers
John Travolta
Greta Van Susteren

Original inspiration found here.

Call Me Twisted...

But I would have loved to watch this spectacle:

450 Sheep Jump to Their Deaths in Turkey:

ISTANBUL, Turkey - First one sheep jumped to its death. Then stunned Turkish shepherds, who had left the herd to graze while they had breakfast, watched as nearly 1,500 others followed, each leaping off the same cliff, Turkish media reported.
ADVERTISEMENT

In the end, 450 dead animals lay on top of one another in a billowy white pile, the Aksam newspaper said. Those who jumped later were saved as the pile got higher and the fall more cushioned, Aksam reported.

'There's nothing we can do. They're all wasted,' Nevzat Bayhan, a member of one of 26 families whose sheep were grazing together in the herd, was quoted as saying by Aksam.

Where I grew up, we called them 'range maggots'.
But they sure do taste good.

"Fellow" Blogger

So if you're interested in being creeped out, go visit this blog:

Blogging the Fifth Nail

It is a blog kept by the looney Joseph Edward Duncan III. You know, the dude who 'allegedly'

...took 9-year-old Dylan Groene and 8-year-old Shasta Groene from their Idaho home shortly before their 13-year-old brother, mother and her boyfriend were bludgeoned to death May 16.
[...]
Duncan was arrested Saturday at a Denny's restaurant in Coeur d'Alene when a waitress recognized the girl with him as Shasta and called police. A body believed to be that of Dylan has been found in Montana and awaits positive identification.

Shasta Groene was repeatedly molested by the sicko, after he killed her family and friends.
By the way, you won't find that link in my blogroll.

Spam Subject of the Day

"At finish no repentant spinet"
Uh, yah.

Quick Question

People are making such a big deal about how the bombings in London followed on the heels of the announcement that London had been selected to host the 2012 olympics.
I really wish they would stop.

Does anyone really think London hosting the olympics had anything to do with the bombings?

I do not. These camel fucking assholes could give a shit less who hosts the olympics. They're a well organized - albeit - scattered bunch of crazies who planned a deliberate attack on a deliberate target.
Now granted, they're organized enough that they could have said something like "If New York gets the oplympic bid, we're there." Or China, or whoever.

But I tend to think more along the lines of let's see. Where is this big group of people gathered right now? At G-8. Fairly close by.
What American supporters need to be crippled next? Well, Britain has always supported the U.S., and they have a rather substantial economy, TAG!!!

Quote(s) of the Day

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers"

We're Not Alone

So, it seems ragheaded mutherfuckers may have the ability and organization to attack in other areas besides the United States and middle eastern 'quagmire' regions.
Hmm. Blair and his brits I'm sure, are interested in stealing all the oil from Iraq too. After all, "It's all about the oil", isn't it?

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon the Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions. As they rot in hell.

Spam Subject of the Day

"If you had treated a dog in in the world due to technological advancement and new invention?"

At least it wasn't a cat.

I...I Just Sometimes Cry 'Uncle'

Body of Steelers Fan Viewed in Recliner
Just get a life! Oh. Never mind.

Soda spitting sets bad example
However, tobacco juice spitting, it ain't so bad.

Va. Teen Nudist Law Challenge Reinstated
I hear Michael Jacksoff is available as a chaperone.

Sleepwalker rescued from top of giant crane
"Honest officer. I didn't know it was marijuana."

I Have A Better Idea...

From CNN:

Report: Designer duds for Mickey D's staff? - Jul. 5, 2005:

McDonald's may be ordering up a designer makeover for all of its hamburger helpers, a news report said Tuesday.

According to industry publication AdAge.com, the world's largest fast-food company is interested in recruiting fashion moguls Russell Simmons, P. Diddy and Tommy Hilfiger, among others, to transform employees' mundane uniforms into hip street wear.

'We're looking at how do we make our uniforms more appealing, more desirable,' Bill Lamar, chief marketing officer for McDonald's (Research) USA, was quoted in the report as saying.

Why don't you folks look at how to make your nasty food more appealing?
Shit presented on a silver platter is still shit.

A Little Advice

Spam Subject of the Day

"The find it consanguinity espresso"
Is that a new Starbucks flavor - consanguinity?

PETArds

Okay. We have all these protests by PETA, bitching about cruelty to animals.
I have a question - Why is it I never hear of them protesting at a rodeo?
Are they afraid? Afraid maybe several hundred rednecks, already having drank a couple or so cans of whoop-ass will cloud up and rain all over their asses?

They act fairly 'Holier-than-thou' when they're standing on the sidelines prior to any real action. Like the bull running bullshit in Spain, or on the front lawn of KFC. But I haven't heard any stories about them lining up behind the chutes at the fairgrounds with a line of F-350's marching along.

Just wonderin'.

That's Over

What a weekend.

'Twas good;
Friends, family, food.
Bbq, beer, blow-ups.
Ok, no more items starting with the same letter.

But it was a nice weekend. I could have sworn that many people would have been able to empty one lousy keg, but alas. Not only are there left over hot dogs and burgers, but a fairly sizeable helping of beer too.

And the fireworks? Those were some good 'uns. Not very legal, but no serious damage was done. The fire in the neighbors' tree was snuffed easily enough. No 911's dialed.

The go-cart is probably almost worn out. It got plenty of action between water fights.

Now it's time to start planning the Halloween party. :)

A 'Piece' Of History

From Yahoo:

Infamous Nevada Brothel Back in Business

RENO, Nev. - The Mustang Ranch, the best-known little whorehouse in the West, is back in business at a new location. The gaudy pink stucco buildings and the working girls are there. The only thing missing is the name.

The bordello reopened Friday east of Reno with the generic name World Famous Brothel six years after the government shut it down and auctioned off its buildings and contents.

Ahh. They're back in business. Oh goody.

Spam Subject of the Day

"so begin go levy flapjack"
And the frog croaks and midnight.

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com:

"On this day in 1971, singer Jim Morrison is found dead in a bathtub in Paris. Morrison, 27, was taking a sabbatical from his hit rock band, The Doors, when he died of heart failure, likely caused by a drug overdose. Rumors abounded that Morrison, tired of fame, had faked his own death."

I like their music too.
But his 'poetry'? Kack. What a maroon.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Is can in knowing calm"
And calm in knowing is can.  Yup.

Duck, Duck, Duck..............GOOSE! cont'd....

Peggasus offered up a challenge to me and I figgered, what the hell. Sounds interesting.

So:

Three screen names I've had:

• This is my first crack at blogging, and 'curmudgeon' is the only handle I've used, just because it made for a good chuckle once when someone told me I was being one.
• I've also used DSummZZZ on many a programming site and
  
• 'Sparky' on a couple others.

Three things I like about myself:

• First, that I like to do a variety of things. I would go nuts if my job was my life. I have many hobbies and interests, and enjoy doing a little of each here and there.
• Second, that I'm sort of cool headed. It drives my wife crazy sometimes that I 'm not more open and animated. Like she is. But that's the environment I was raised and it rubbed off on me.
  
• Third, that I've had a variety of jobs. Maybe that's where my diversified interests come from. I've worked since I was twelve years old. It's not like I worked in a shoe factory in Thailand, I started out hauling hay for my friend's farmer grandad on weekends to make a few dollars. But I've always had to pay for anything I 'wanted'. My 'needs' were taken care of, but anything I wanted to spend more than my allowance, I had to earn. I think it made me appreciate work and money a little more.
  

Three things I don't like about myself:

• Sometimes I procrastinate too much. That irritates me.
• Sometimes I get a little lazy and don't do as much around the house or workshop as I should. But then sometimes I feel like taking a break.
• I don't play my instruments enough. I used to play my guitars and drums on a regular basis. I've been slacking on those.
  

Three parts of my heritage:
Like I said here, I'm an American mutt, my blood is Heinz 57. My mother's blood is predominantely irish, and my father's is german and english.
My dad was not very open at all as to where his family came from, did, nothing. So I dunno.
The ancestors on my mother's side were some of the handcart pulling, schooner driving pioneers crossing the prairie back in the early to mid 1800's, moving out west. I'm proud of my family's intestinal fortitude. It took guts to pack up and move out into the wild like that.

Three things that scare me:
Hmm. I don't have too many fears I guess. So I'll combine them with disgusts, enveloped as threats.

• Losing my sight or hearing. I can't think of anything worse than never being able to see rocky mountain sunsets, or listen to music again.
  
• Losing the ability to do the things I like to do. If I had to stop doing all my hobbies, projects, or even my job. Be it physical, monetary, whatever, I would go crazy not being able to work with my hands.
  
• Whiney-assed passifists and what they'd like whiney-assed liberals to make them into using the whiney-assed organizations offering up umbrellas of protection like PETA, Greenpeace, ASPCA, ACLU. They're all a bunch of self-serving, money grubbing, dope smoking, delusioned idiots. And they're trying to make us all equal - like them.

Three of your everyday essentials:

• Coffee - I like to drink the stuff in the morning while I'm doing a
  
• Crossword puzzle - at the kitchen table, just after using my morning
  
• Toilet paper allotment - prior to getting ready for work.
  

Three things you are wearing right now:

• Hawaiian shirt
• Tennies
• Shit eating grin - almost time for the 3 day weekend - beer, bbq, blow-ups!
  

Three of my favorite songs:

• Here Comes The Sun - Beatles
  
• Something - Beatles
  
• Along The Road - Dan Fogleberg
  

It really doesn't take a lot of music or instruments to make a good song. These have a concept so simple, but yet say volumes. I think they're all classics.
But there are oh so many more....

Three things I want in a relationship:

• Truth - Don't even try to bullshit me. When I find out, like the good ump says, "YER OUTTA HERE!!!"
  
• Humor - You must like lousy puns, one-liners, dry humor.
  
• Good company - Don't get on my bad side. I'm passive-aggressive. You will pay.
  

Two truths and a lie:

• I've been known to tell little white lies
• Sometimes a big lie
  
• I never lie

Three things I can't do without:

• Companionship - Friends, family. I dont want to be single again, and I enjoy hanging out with people
• Beer - I really enjoy making homebrew. Of course consuming it s good too.
• Music - XM is the shit!
  

Three places you want to go on vacation:

• Cancun/Cozumel again, maybe another part of Mexico
  
• Alaska again - beautiful up there. At least in the summer.
  
• Germany/Switzerland - Always had a hankerin', but never gone.
  

Three things you just can't do:

• Kiss Ass - I would never survive were I to become a sales puke.
• Walk on water. Unless it's frozen
• Take advantage of other people.
  

Three kids' names:
We don't have any kids, so you get the dogs' names/breeds:

• Heidi - White German Shepherd of our own accord
  
• Buddy - German Shepherd/Akita mix from the rescue
• Jake - Black and Tan Shepherd we were suckered into adopting
  

Things you want to do before you die:

• Move out of Las Vegas, preferrably to my mountain cabin
• Build my mountain cabin
• Be able to retire
  

Three celeb crushes:
I hate celebs for the most part. At least the ones that open their mouths. But I guess there's a couple who I've liked:

• Debra Winger - I've always liked her
• Sigourney Weaver - So good in aliens
• Demi Moore - I liked her in St. Elmo's Fire
  

Okay. That's enough for now. Remeber the shit eatin' grin I mentioned earlier? Well, it's that time.

Have a safe and happy fourth o' July.
And please, remember why we have it. And who's fighting to keep it:

Overheard By A Page In The Supreme Court Building As He Walked Past The Coffee Room Late Yesterday Afternoon

"Fuck this shit! I'm so goddamn outta here!" - Sandra Day O'Conner.

So sayeth David Corn:

[. . .]
Will any good come out of this? It may be entertaining, for a while, to watch the tussle that ensues between social conservatives and the White House if Bush does not nominate a person to their liking.
[. . .]

Bingo.

Can't wait to hear more "Bush = Asshole" rhetoric. Gawd.

Longstanding Mystery Solved

HOLY BAT SHIT ROBIN, CALL THE COMMISSIONER! They've figured out why ice cubes melt!

How Ice Melts:

Until now, scientists could not explain why ice cubes in your drink melt. They've known the basics, but the details remained elusive.

A breakthrough new study, announced today, supports a leading theory that melting starts when the fundamental structure of matter begins to crack.

Melting is considered a basic phenomena in physics. An understanding of how it works is crucial to gaining a firm grasp on the physical world.

I'm glad someone has the time and money to look into this. It's worried me for years.

A Chuckle

Here's an exercise which should be good for about anyone wanting to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. Start by doing it three days a week, then more if you're up for it.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks. . .

Steaming Pile Of Shit Award

I should really have a whole group of folks in this picture. Every big name every actor, actress, singer, talk show host and hostess,... who for some ungodly reason, thinks their opinion means something. But the list as well as the picture would be enough to choke an entire server.

I know I know. "Give it a rest already" you say. I've already mentioned what I think of famous people and their 'wisdom' simply because they're famous or have a lot of money.

But I just want to elaborate on a couple points. First, again, they're idiots. Fame and money don't make them wiser, it makes them - well - famous.
What's worse though, is there are people who listen to what they have to say and hang on to every word like Michael Moore-on hanging on to a double whopper with extra cheese. Those people are even stupider puppets than the idol.

Now don't get me wrong, I won't take anything away from them. A lot of these people are very talented. They're good at what they do, which is performing. They practice, develope skills, and make a very good living at it. And I enjoy watching them do what they do. But please. When you're not in front of the mike, just keep your goddamn mouth shut.

With that, this version of the Steaming Pile Of Shit award goes to none other than Tom Cruise.
This idiot for some reason thinks he knows more about the brain, mind and body than generations of scientists, doctors, and well - chemists.

Give me a break. Just because some whack job sits down and smokes a bowl and decides to create a new religion just so he can make a bunch of money, and another whack job latches on to it like Rosie O'Donnel latching on to her girlfriend's ass . . . with both hands . . . from the front . . . on her knees, they become experts?
I think not.

To quote L. Ron Hubbard:

"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion"

Yup. Those are some credentials there.

So here ya' go Tom. This award goes to you:

Tom Cruise

For thinking you know more about psychology, psychiatry and religion, and have the arrogance to open your dumb-assed mouth about it, you are a steaming pile of shit.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Washer not spinning or agitating? Here's what to do."

Washer's fine, it's you that's rather agitating.