"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Woman He Loves

When a man comes home from work after a really difficult day at the office, factory or jobsite, nothing brightens his spirits and makes him feel more appreciated than being met at the door by the smiling face of the woman he loves and an ice cold beer in her hand.



[+/-] Show/hide picture (Somewhat NSFW)

A Funny

An oldie but goodie:
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."





I Hadn't Heard This

Via email:
Let's all shop at Sears!!!
I assume you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up.. Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.

Suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.

Pass it on.

So I decided to check it out before I sent it forward. I sent the following email to the Sears Customer Service Department:
I received this email and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your store. I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item even if it was cheaper at the other store.
Here is their answer to my email:
Dear Customer:

Thank you for contacting Sears

The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback. Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time.

Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care
webcenter@sears.com
1-800-349-4358
Please pass this on to all your friends, Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them, as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military.
Here is the Snopes link.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"see you in vegas"
Possibly.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

If You Get A Chance

Go on over here and check out a new blog I read yesterday.

I think you'll find it worthy of a read, or even a link.

He's Still Alive?

Castro may be no-show at 80th birthday bash

Nov. 28, 2006. 06:36 PM
HAVANA— Presidents, former leaders and Nobel laureates have confirmed their attendance at a five-day 80th birthday bash for ailing leader Fidel Castro. But the host himself has not.
[...]
Hey Castro, know where the party is?!?!

It's in your mouth and we're all cuming!!!

The Cinch Gets Tighter

Supreme Court to hear greenhouse warming case
[...]
The EPA, along with 10 states, four motor vehicle trade associations and two coalitions of utility companies and other industries, maintain the agency lacks the authority to limit emissions of greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide.
[...]
Now let me get this straight: The EPA wants to somehow regulate carbon dioxide?

In case you didn't know, this greenhouse gas - carbon dioxide - is something WE exhale as a normal process of respiration. Also, in case you didn't know, the one thing - along with water vapor - that gets created as a result of the cleanest combustion possible, is carbon dioxide.

What do they want to do, outlaw breathing AND fire? How will trees and plants survive? They need carbon dioxide to live.

This case is a stretch. Another waste of money we could be sending to New Orleans or maybe Africa. The EPA has definitely lost their collective minds. But that much we knew.
Court says U.S. discriminates against blind with currency

Reuters - Tue Nov 28, 9:46 PM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. government discriminates against blind people because American currency is not designed to be distinguishable to visually impaired people, a federal judge said on Tuesday.
[...]
Oh, great. That fucking Bush is wasting money reprinting money. Figgers.

We could be using that money to build homes in New Orleans. Or we could send that money to Africa - a'la Bono - and cure every disease they have running around loose over there.
How about using it to invent alternative fuels? Or maybe resupplying the ozone layer?

Naw, this is a much better project.

Love that word too: 'Discriminate'. We're just never going to please everyone.

Good Gawd

How to prepare a child:

First, you take the child out of the cage and pop them on the head with a hammer. If you're not quite ready to prepare the child right away, they can be put in the freezer and prepared another day.
Otherwise, toss them in the microwave to cook.
Serve piping hot.


Just kidding, of course.


AAAHHHHHGGGGGG!!!! What in the flying fuck is wrong with these people? Fer Chrissakes. If you don't want - or just plain can't handle - your kids, give them the fuck up. There are plenty of people out there who do.

Gawd-a-mighty. What a bunch of idiots.

I'm Shocked! Aghast Even!

Rapper Snoop Dogg arrested, again

AP - 1 hour, 41 minutes ago Sent 174 times
BURBANK, Calif. - Snoop Dogg was arrested for investigation of illegally possessing a handgun and drugs as he left NBC Studios after performing on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," police said.
[...]
Drugs? And a handgun?

Shoulda dropped it like it's haaa-aawt.
What dumbizzle. Fo' Shizzle my Nizzle. On the brizzle.


That'll Learn 'Em

U.S. bans sale of iPods to North Korea

AP - 5 minutes ago Sent 341 times
WASHINGTON - The Bush administration wants North Korea's attention, so like a scolding parent it's trying to make it tougher for that country's eccentric leader to buy iPods, plasma televisions and Segway electric scooters.
[...]
Oh Yeah! Punish those bastards!
The government shuts their power off at 9 p.m. anyway, no need to have music blaring after hours.

But as long as they can still buy plutonium, they should be okay.

Whatta Maroon

Owner: Man tried to hide guitar in pants

Tue Nov 28, 10:48 PM ET
DE QUEEN, Ark. - The guitar-shaped bulge in Morgan Conatser's clothing tipped off a music store owner that there might be a crime in progress. Clifton Lovell, owner of Guitars and Cadillacs on U.S. Highway 71 in De Queen, was talking with a customer last week when he saw Conatser, 29, walking out of the store.
[...]
Johnny-On-The-Spot there, ain't you?

Yeah, I think the idiot stealing the guitar maybe should have thought it out a little. It may be a bit of a challenge stuffing a guitar down your britches.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"hi it's Mayberry"
Cool! Where's Andy and Opie? And Barney?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

A Programming Funny

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


You really need to click on it so you can read it.

Quote Of The Day

From a techie website I frequent:
"I like to think of the ninja's and other sports bikes as Darwin's little helpers, weeding out the gene pool. the problem of course is that these nuts tend to hurt more than just themselves."
Darwin's Little Helpers. I love it!

Tranny Deer?

Man shoots doe with rack of antlers

Mon Nov 27, 10:31 PM ET
MICHIGAN, N.D. - When Carmen Erickson dropped a deer with a single shot in a cattail slough south of here, he thought he'd downed a nice buck. Unlike his shot, he was a little off. The deer was a doe.

"It's got no male utilities," said Erickson, who lives in Minot. "It has teats ... it was pretty unusual."
[...]
Probably just another one of those gender changers. Or should we be blaming this on global warming?

Huh?

IHOP changes policy of asking for IDs

8 minutes ago
QUINCY, Mass. - John Russo has been a victim of identity theft. So when he was asked to fork over a photo ID just to be seated at an IHOP pancake restaurant, he flipped. "'You want my license? I'm going for pancakes, I'm not buying the Hope diamond,' and they refused to seat us," Russo said, recounting his experience this week at the Quincy IHOP.
Yeah. Cold day in hell when I fork over my ID to sit in a restaurant.

Y'all better come up with Plan "B". Which, may be "Close your doors".

From The 'Duh!' Files - Again

All work and no play ... makes kids fat and passive

Tue Nov 28, 6:33 AM ET
Remember when recess was the best part of the school day? Not any more. In some parts of the country, that carefree half-hour - when kids could run, jump, scream and play tag or other games - is on the endangered list.
You're Kidding!
I never would have guessed it.

Maybe we should supply the schools with PS-3 boxes and a "My Little Pony' game so they can have a rousing round of video game during recess instead.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Re: scurvie"
SCURVIE?!?! Who you callin' scurvie?!?!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Blogger Beta

I fucking hate it already.

I haven't yet been assimilated, but it seems every time I visit one of my daily reads that has made the conversion, something don't work for me. Can't see something, can't comment, the tab order is all out of whack, etc.

Typical beta shit. Typical free shit.

So one of three things is probably going to happen here:
I will keep my blog as is;
Blogger will come out with Blogger "release" - a working, stable step in the alpha - beta evolution process of software development - at which time I will probably be forced to convert;
Blogger will kiss my ass as I move to a different blog host.

One way or the other, if y'all choose to be drawn in by the great force that is Google, PLEASE!! FOR MY SAKE!! Test your conversion. Make sure it works.

Try clicking the links, posting a comment, sending an email. Put it through some paces before you consider it a wrap.

This free shit is fucked up enough without using fucked-up free shit.



Say that three times fast! I dare you!





Hah! You did, didn't you!

Another Rocket Surgeon

Man on trial for putting baby in freezer
Mon Nov 27, 8:40 AM ET

OTTAWA (Reuters) - A Canadian man who could not figure out how to deal with his girlfriend's feverish 10-month-old daughter put the baby into a freezer to cool her down, a local newspaper reported on Friday.
[...]
What could I possibly add?

BWAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Missing woman found dead behind bookcase

Sat Nov 25, 9:52 PM ET
NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. - A woman's body was found wedged upside-down behind a bookcase in the home she shared with relatives who had spent nearly two weeks looking for her.
[...]
Uh, gee. Didn't happen to think about tracking down that smell either I guess.

Anyway, like they say on Fark: Florida tag. What a way to go.

Another Reason To NOT Watch Soap Operas

'AMC' introducing transgender character - AP

Sun Nov 26, 10:31 PM ET Sent 541 times
NEW YORK - In a story unusual even for a soap opera and believed to be a television first, ABC's "All My Children" this week will introduce a transgender character who is beginning to make the transition from a man into a woman.
[...]
Just what we need.
What's the next scenario? What else can we do to get ratings?
I know! A quadriplegic, midget, transsexual, ex donkey show star, hooker living with their parents in the basement of the convent.

Yeah. That should work.

Yeah, I Know

I'm like a lot of other bloggers. I don't post much if at all on weekends. So a four-dayer leaves quite a gap in the continuum that is 'Curmudgeonims'. Sorry. You keep checking back anyway, hoping I'll entertain a bit but alas, nothing here but disappointment.

But here I am back in the saddle again, ready to inform, enlighten and entertain all three of you faithful readers.

So let's start out the week on a bright note. How was your Thanksgiving?
Ours was great. We had friends and family over to celebrate our victory over the indians our founding of a new land, and newly formed friendships.

We had a bountiful and delicious feast - as is the tradition - and spent time enjoying each others company.

I also took a lot of time and worked on projects in the workshop and around the house. Most enjoyable.

However, all returned to normal this morning. I did my morning 'get ready for work' routine - got up, had some coffee, worked some crosswords and took my shower, while listening to the idiots on the radio.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love the XM radio? If not, I love the XM radio. No idotic and mundane DJ's, many many channels to choose from, and no commercials on the music stations.
Unlike the regular broadcast stations who SCREAM about refinancing my mortgage, cheap lasic surgery, lawyers to get me all sorts of injury money, the plethora of cars available, ...

I guess what I need to do is start out by refinancing my mortgage so I can get a little extra spending money for Christmas, buy a new car, get into a wreck, and sue the bastard that hit me so I can pay off my mortgage. I'll know who it is as I'll be so much more able to indentify them - having new eye surgery and all.
A quick stop through Taco Bell for the breakfast burrito on my way to the courthouse and BAM! No more debt!

Okay, enough of that shit. I hope you all had a good weekend, and for all you politically correct people out there, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Jimmie wrote:"
"Dan wrote:"
"Janine wrote:"
"Leila wrote:"
"Christine wrote:"
"Lucille wrote:"
"Lana wrote:"
"Jared wrote:"
"Alberta wrote:"
"Mamie wrote:"
"Cameron wrote:"
"Lynne wrote:"
"Lorna wrote:"
"Kristin wrote:"
"Byron wrote:"
"Irvin wrote:"
"Guy wrote:"
"Gerald wrote:"
"Allison wrote:"
"Laura wrote:"
"Leila wrote:"
Let me guess. They all wrote the same fucking thing.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Life

Stolen from Bryan:
Life and a Can of Beer

When things in your life seem almost to much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."



Wednesday, November 22, 2006

T-Day

Have a good turkey day all you folks out there.

And remember, us Americans weren't illegal aliens any more than the indians were.

What, you think they just sprouted up out of nowhere?


BWAH!!!

I laughed out loud at this fucking picture. I just had to steal it:



Stolen from IMAO.

For Jean

Just cause she asked for it once:

She lived a full life. A nice life, and was loved by everyone who knew her.

She came into this world unexpectedly and for most of her youth, she was neglected. Ignored. After all, she wasn't really wanted and was very much in the way. Alone most of the time, and yes. Quite lonely.
When others would come around, she would become very excited want to have them near. Smiling and welcoming them, happy to have the company.

When we were told about her, we adopter her and gave her a new home. She smiled even wider, and settled right in, content in her new surroundings. She had a nice yard to run and play with her friends, head held high, her amber locks flowing in the breeze.

But one day, as she became older, we realized she was very sick. Of course we did all we could do, but her poor little heart just gave out. She collapsed and with those big eyes, looked at us as if to say "What's wrong with me? I don't understand." I sat on the floor next to her and she inched over and put her little head on my lap. I knew she was leaving us for good. There was nothing we could do.
The doctor told us there was nothing to be done, and she left us.

She lived a rich life and a happy life. We gave her the best life we knew how to give. I know this. I have no regrets. But every once in a while, I remember that scared look in her eyes, and hope I never have to see it again. And I remember how she tried to get up and couldn't, so she laid her head on "Daddy's" lap for comfort.

Yeah, sometimes I do miss that dog.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Be cool"
Wouldn't have it any other way.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

You're It

Sassy thinks I need to bare my soul a little. List the 5 things most people don't know about me.

Well, let's see. What don't people know about me that I care to expose?
Not a fucking thing.

That was easy. :)



No? Not good enough?

Okay, fine then. I'll come up with some shit here.

  1. I'm really a softy at heart. No, really! I'm not a curmudgeon.

    BWAH! I can't even think it with a straight face!

    Generally speaking, I don't like people. I would never make it as a sales puke or a Wally-mart greeter. I do fine as a boss, but I just don't kiss ass. NOW YOU DAMN KIDS GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!!!

  2. My favorite musicians are Michael Jackson, Barry Manilow and Barbara Streisand.

    As if. Moving targets as far as I'm concerned. All of them.

    Michael Jackson needs to hook up with Bubba in the joint a few years. Get his asshole good and stretched.

    Barely Man-enough needs go crawl off in a corner somewhere so he can twiddle his thumbs, rock back and forth and drool while watching Judge Joe Brown.

    Babs just needs to put a gun to her own head. Or have someone do it for her.

    Fuck that! I like blues (Buddy Guy, Albert King, Stevie Ray Vaughn...), Rock and Roll (Nickelback, Disturbed, Metallica, Megadeth, Tony MacAlpine, Joe Satriani as well as all the classic rock artists), Classical (Chopin, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky...), swing (Glen Miller, the Dorsey brothers, Benny Goodman...). I like a bunch of different music unless it's rap, country or opera. Them there suck big time.

  3. I'm a vegetarian. Or is it vegan. Ted Nugent and all his hunter buddies should be shot, then disemboweled, then shot. How could anyone eat those cute little creatures....

    Just kidding. No, I am really a Vegan. A Las Vegan. Well, I have lived here longer than a good chunk of the current population has. And there are some damn fine steak and lobster meals to be had here. And - I still make my own beef, elk and deer jerky in my own back yard!

  4. What else. Hmm. I have no accent. I guess that's something y'all cain't know 'bout me seein's I don't verbalize on these here internets. But I was born and raised in little hick towns out west in Wyoming and Utah. By little hick towns I mean towns of roughly 5000 people. They all had hillbilly accents, but I hated hearing them talk an was determined to pronounce and spell words correctly in school. I usaulyl do spllel the werds rite to.

  5. Okay, last but not least. Even though people think I'm a grumpy old bastard, I go to church religiously. HAH! Pun! Religiously!

    Woops, once again I lie. I like beer, scotch, a fine cigar, nekkid wimmen, and NOT giving money to someone just so they can buy a Cadillac to drive to the church and tell me how bad of a person I am.
Well, I guess that's all you need to know about me. Not that there's anything else noteworty, but that's enough to get you through the quiz.

Now here's my deal: I won't tag anyone. But if you read this and feel compelled to put up your on damnable list, do it! I like to read them but I don't like to tag.
YOU'RE IT!!!

A Funny



Well, it's almost that bad.

A Question

So your eyes are attached to a bundle or nerves hooked to your brain. That enables you to see. There are also a set of muscles attached to your eyes which enable you to move them around - up, down, left, right, ... All of this so far, we learned in elementary school. This we know. Those are also the reasons your eyes don't just pop out of your head, or maybe turn around backwards.

So my question is, how does someone with a glass eye keep it from just pointing off in some random direction, or maybe pointing straight down, or maybe even backwards?

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Me again Ellis"
"Me again Boyd"
"Me again Tod"
"Me again Ellis"
"Me again Whitney"
"Me again Phipps"
"Me again Quinones"
"Me again Otero"
"Me again Vasquez"
Gee, more of my old friends!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Quote Of The Day

Found over here, in a post referring to what we can expect from democrats taking over congress:

[...]

"Government to control even more of the economy, because government is clearly better at allocating scarce resources, as the Soviet Union, Cuba, North Korea and France have proven."
[...]
Very much more (obvious) enlightenment.

I would that ye go hence and peruse.

You're Kidding. Right?


Man shows up to DUI hearing drunk CourtTV - Fri Nov 17, 5:20 PM ET

A West Virginia man's second time around could land him in even more trouble with the law.
[...]
Another one?

They just don't fucking get it.

Good Gawd

This is just wrong:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Go ahead and click the image. It will be bigger, so you can see what I'm talking about.

That Was Quick

House Democrat wants draft reinstated:
WASHINGTON - Americans would have to sign up for a new military draft after turning 18 under a bill the incoming chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee says he will introduce next year.

Rep. Charles Rangel, D-N.Y., said Sunday he sees his idea as a way to deter politicians from launching wars.
[...]
Yeah, sort of like how if you set a forest fire in California, you'll keep firemen from trying to put it out.

All this time I thought Dems were all anti-war and shit. Funny that.
This ain't the first time he's tried it either. And to top it off, I hear recruiting goals are being met and exceeded.

Now why would he want to up and do something like that? Is he like, trying to get himself kicked out?

So, Did You Hear About Kramer?

He's gone off the deep end:
Michael Richards, aka "Kramer" from "Seinfeld," is in hot water for spewing several racial slurs onstage at The Laugh Factory over the weekend.
Here's a rather poor quality video.

He is doing a comedy show and someone is heckling him. He commences to give a verbal beat-down to the heckler.
I would suggest you don't open it with others around. He uses all sorts of nasty and racial words. Many times.

He'll probably be checking himself into rehab soon. You know, the place where famous people go to apologize?

ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!

When I started this blog, I had no clue just how big of naggers some of you people could become! I post a simple little blurb referring to a news article about some dude in prison streaking around so he could get piece of pie. You all assumed I had done some such evil too, since I said I knew people who had done things like that for much less.

So I get this comment:
Just D said...

"You do plan on posting your streaking story, I assume."
Well, evidently this example wasn't sufficient, because I get another comment:
Just D said...

"So... from this little story, you say you weren't one of the streakers HERE, but you don't say that you never did it. Come on, spill."
Fine dammit! I'll tell another story. The good news - and I do mean good news - is I didn't get caught. But I will leave you with some visuals.

But first, let me preface it with a bit of wisdom: Jack Daniels is the devil's own concoction. If you drink it, handcuff yourself to something.

There I was, I dunno about 21 years of age, sipping on the Jack watching the telly alone in my apartment. I was getting a little bored, so I thought I would take a little spin in my truck.
Now normally, I don't drive after tossing back a few. And I never go for a ride without wearing clothes, or should I say, I haven't since that night. What possessed me to go for a ride I have no clue. Well, yes I do. It was the Jack.
So next thing I knew, there I was, driving around town somewhere around midnight, stark bare-assed nekkid save for my boots. (I had to slip them on before leaving the apartment as I didn't want to step on something going from the apartment to my truck. And besides, I like to wear shoes when I drive.)

So after driving around a bit, cruising main street a time or two, I decided maybe I was better off not being out and about all drunk and nekkid. So I high-tailed it for the apartment - obeying every law, signalling every turn, holding my alcohol laced breath, and got my fuzzy ass back inside whereupon I reflected upon my little excursion.

I turned of the lights, and peeked my now extremely paranoid head between the curtains to see if the gestapo had by chance followed home. Upon heaving a huge sigh of relief at the sight of no police cars outside, I put bottle of Jack in the cupboard, put my stupid ass between the sheets and proceeded to imagine all the possibilities had I been pulled over...

There. Is that good enough?
If not, sorry. That's the best I can come up with.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"it me Billy"
"it me Antoinette"
"it me Albert"
"it me Ivory"
"it me Romeo"
"it me Wade"
Wow! Lookit all my friends sayin' hello!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Sounds Good To Me

Idaho town asks residents to own guns

GREENLEAF, Idaho - After seeing the chaos of Hurricane Katrina, a city councilor in this tiny Idaho town founded by pacifist Quakers came up with a novel idea.

Ordinance 208, passed by the City Council on Tuesday, asks Greenleaf's 862 residents who do not object on religious or other grounds to keep a gun at home in case they are overrun by refugees from disasters like Katrina.
I like the idea. But it makes me wonder if this guy doesn't just happen to own the local gun store.

Oooohhhh!!! Neat-o!!!

Now I never have to leave the basement!



And so the holiday season begins.
Merry fucking Christmas you idiotic line standing assholes.

On the other hand, we have these dickweeds:
1 shot in Conn. Playstation waiting line
Swell. Some punk-assed teenagers robbing people standing in one of those moronic lines.
Serves you dimwits right.

Forgive Me

If I don't get around to much posting or reading y'all's blogs today. My computer decided to take a shit, and I am reinstalling everything. I mean every gawd damn thing.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"it no bumble"
Oh really?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

What A Sweety

I think I'm in love.
(Just kidding Mrs C.)

Somewhat NSFW drawing:



[+/-] show/hide the picture

Okay, I Will

From the comments regarding this post:
Just D said...

"You do plan on posting your streaking story, I assume."

First, let me say that I wasn't one of the track stars. And for that, Allah be praised.

It all started on a dare. The high school girls' P.E. class was in full swing, and they were merrily playing volleyball in the gymnasium. The guys' P.E. class was to begin right afterward, so we were in the locker room getting changed into our P.E. clothes, of which the required equipment consisted of a white T-shirt, white shorts, white socks, gym shoes and a jock.

Being in different stages of dress, some of the guys got to talking shit like "I dare you to run out there now. Just like you are. One lap around the gym." Well, some of the shall we say, braver - no, let's say stupider - guys thought it would be a hoot to take a lap around the gym wearing only their jock and their gym shoes.

So off they went.

The shoes started squeaking, girls started squealing, the guys started yelling, and the coach came out to see what all the exciement was about. Of course, the runners were recognized immediately.
After they were all safely back in the locker room, the coach told them "Well, since you like to run so much, you can run the stairs the entire class."

Now running the stairs NOT something you want to do. It involved running the length of the gym, up the stairs to the top of the spectator seats, around the perimeter of the seats, and back down the stairs, around the gym, back up the stairs,... It was a rough workout which was usually reserved as punishment.

Needless to say, there were no more streakers that I can recall, the rest of my high school years.

Spam Subject of the Day

"yam-yam-yam"
Huh?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

She Blinded Me With Science

Apparently, there is water on Mars:


Groovy

KFC targets extraterrestrials with huge logo:

[...]
The KFC Corp. on Tuesday launched a rebranding campaign with an 87,500 square-foot image of Colonel Sanders in the Nevada desert which the company says makes Kentucky Fried Chicken the world's first brand visible from space.
[...]

The logo was built at the remote Area 51 desert near Rachel, Nevada, which KFC said was known as the UFO capital of the world and famous for its association with UFO conspiracy theories.
HAH! Joke's on them! Area 51 doesn't exist. Just ask the government.

Big Deal

Inmate allegedly urged to strip for pie:

The conversation turned to joking about what the inmate would do for cherry pie, the investigation found, and the inmate said he was willing to streak. Richardson said the inmate was allowed out of his cell and streaked.
[...]
Big deal. I know people who would do that, and have, for much less.

I Agree

Smokers, obese should pay more health insurance: poll:

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Most Americans believe smokers and obese people should pay more for health insurance, but they have mixed views on how to help the millions without any health insurance, according to a survey published on Tuesday.
[...]
If you're going to knowingly do something detrimental to your health, maybe you should pay more for insurance.

But why limit it to smokers and fatties? Shouldn't drinkers pay more too? Booze is bad for you, is it not?
And druggies. Their insurance should be way higher. In fact, everyone should get drug tested on a regular basis, shouldn't they? Make sure they aren't on the verge of killing themselves.
How about snowboarders or motorbike riders? Why should they be let off the hook? Chances are higher they'll hurt themselves than someone who doesn't participate in those sort of activities.
And players on the local softball team - there's a better chance they'll get hurt than someone watching from the bleachers. Especially if they had a quick cheeseburger before the game, have a beer and a smoke break between half innings, then ride home on their motorbike.

See where this is going? Where do we draw the line?

'Nuther Looney

Prosecutors may seek death penalty against fire captain accused of torturing, killing woman:

LOS ANGELES (Court TV) - A veteran L.A. Fire Department captain, who appeared in court Monday shackled and unshaven, is facing a potential death sentence for allegedly torturing and strangling a woman to death before dragging her corpse for nearly a mile from the back of his truck.
[...]
What is the deal with guys dragging their woman behind their truck? I mean, give her a good thumping if she needs it, but good gawd. Isn't dragging her down the street a bit much?

What A Dude

Man admits four burning kittens to death:

HAGERSTOWN, Md. - A man pleaded guilty in the deaths of his ex-girlfriend's four small kittens, which were tossed into a fire pit after the couple argued.
[...]
Okay, he's a little psycho for smaking his woman around in the first place. And I hate cats but that's just mean.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Fatten your man-sausage"
Yeah baby!.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Did you get your tongue stuck to the flagpole by trying to lick off ice on a cold winter day? No problem. Simply have your guy friends urinate on the stuck tongue and it will be released almost instantly.

9. If you have an excess buildup of wax in your ear, a sharp pencil pushed firmly throught the blockage will clear a pathway through the blockage right to your eardrum.

10. And lastly, ifyou've been painting with oil based paint, the best way to clean it off is to fill the bathtub with paint thinner, and take a relaxing bath in it. Soaking yourself for an hour or so will loosen the paint and it will wipe right off.
You may want to avoid the use of candles though.




Spam Subject of the Day

"burlesque aside Mountaineering striptease"
Now THAT sounds like a happening time!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Yup. This Is Going To Go Over Quite Well




Click to see it a bit bigger. (Pops)

LIES! All LIES!

Al Qaeda seeking nuclear kit for attacks: UK official:

LONDON (Reuters) - Al Qaeda is trying to acquire the technology that would enable it to use a nuclear device to attack Western targets including Britain, a senior British official said on Monday.
[...]
Impossible. There are no WMD's over there, right?

Surely, if we up and left Iraq right now and left those rascally little devils alone, they would never have a desire to use them on us, would they? Hell no. They're just a peaceful group of people who want to be left alone.

How To Make A Bad Thing Worse

T-shirt turns air guitar into music :

CANBERRA, Australia - Scientists announced Monday that they have developed a high-tech T-shirt that turns the strumming of an air guitar into music.
[...]
Next thing you know they'll be just moving their lips to pre-recorded music without actually singing.

A Funny

Stolen from Charming Just Charming:
A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.

She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, and she never had time to go out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.

He asked, "How is your friend Mary?" She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA and never studied. She was very popular on campus and went to parties all the time. She often didn't show up for classes because she was hung over.

Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and have 1.0 taken off her 4.0 and give it to her friend with the 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing."

The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."





Ban religion, says Elton John - Yahoo! News

Ban religion, says Elton John:

LONDON (AFP) - Religion should be outlawed because it lacks compassion and promotes hatred of homosexuals, gay pop star Elton John said in an interview.
[...]
That's right. I'm with you there Mr. - er sorry - 'Sir' Elton. Religion is evil. It should be outlawed. It serves no purpose whatsoever except to ruin the lives of queers and ho's.

Maybe we can legislate it out of existence too.

Just imagine there's no heaven. You know, it's easy if you try. No hell below us either and above us only sky.
Imagine all the people living for today. Imagine there's no countries. It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too! Imagine all the people living life in peace. Now you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us and the world will live as one.

Spam Subject of the Day

"How's it hanging?"
Uh, a little low and to the left.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Ultimate Concert - Act I

I have XM satellite radio. I love the shit. They play a decent variety of songs and on the music stations, there are no commercials. I have docks for the receiver in my truck, in the garage and on my desk at work. So between those three places, my radio is playing pretty much non-stop during my waking hours.

On a road trip a week or so ago, whilst of course the radio was playing, the wife and I were daydreaming about what some of our favorite songs were. We started talking about how if we were stranded on a deserted isle and had with us one CD containing our favorite, bestest songs of all time, what would they be. It's amazing how similar and different we can be at the same time.
Then I got to thinking that given the opportunity, if I were to attend the ultimate concert, what songs would be played by which bands? The concert wouldn't have to be limited to a single act. No, it would be all your favorite songs played back-to-back by the bands that recorded them, either originally or as covers. Whichever you preferred.
So I started coming up with a list of songs and who I would want to perform them, in order more or less of when the members of the band consisted of the musicians I prefer. Here are the first five. I'll add more as I get so inspired:

"Here Comes The Sun" - Beatles, circa 1968
Back when they were the long-haired hippy freaks. Before anyone was into religion and Yoko

"Old Fashioned Love Song" - Three Dog Night, circa 1970
I've liked this band since my brother played their records. I even have a DVD Santa brought me for Christmas last year.

"Whole Lotta Love" - Led Zeppelin, circa 1972
This is the song that made me decide Rock and Roll was The Shit. Until then, I didn't really care what was on the radio as long as it wasn't static.

"Great Gig In The Sky" - Pink Floyd, circa 1973
From the first time I heard their somewhat non-standard, somewhat spacey music I was hooked. And to hear that solo with that awesome voice...

"Women In Love" - Van Halen, circa 1980
Yes, I like Sammy too. He's just not Diamond Dave. But I must have replayed Eddy's approximately 30 second intro oh, I dunno. 50 times one day.


Care to add to the list?

What's That I Hear? Silence?

Where's the noise? Where's the hubbub? Where are the allegations?

Since republicans didn't overshadow the democrats this election, I haven't heard the wails of voter fraud, the teeth gnashing concerning faulty machinery, the agony of hanging chads, the illegalities of rigged elections, the weaping cries of using names of dead voters, none of the claims normally heard akin to the horrific screams of a whiney brat throwing a tantrum in the toy aisle at Wal-mart.

Funny that.

BWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Man injured after launching firework from bottom:

LONDON (AFP) - A man was rushed to hospital in Britain with severe internal injuries after trying to launch a powerful firework from his bottom, an ambulance service spokesman said.
[...]
Good gawd. I would almost pay money to watch that one.
Whatta maroon. Serves him right.

Yawn

Peace mom Sheehan arrested in Washington:

WASHINGTON - Activist Cindy Sheehan was arrested Wednesday as she led about 50 protesters to a White House gate Wednesday to deliver anti-war petitions she said were signed by 80,000 Americans.
[...]
Whozzit? Whazzis?
Oh, sorry. I nodded of there for a minute.

So she's still at it eh?
Groovy.

For The Occasion

I thought this was worth of a repost.
'Tis NSFW, so look over your shoulder first.




[+/-] show/hide the picture

Happy Blogiversary To Me!

Since I will be outta town tomorrow, which is my real anniversary, I'll post this today so you all can give me your best regards.

I've been posting for two years tomorrow and sadly, the content has not improved one little bit, but you loyal readers keep coming back anyway. For that, I say


THANX!!!!


Spam Subject of the Day

"Small area large"
Sense? Make? Not so much.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A Funny

This post is merely to demonstrate how much we've become dependant on computers.

Okay, here goes:
Question 1: Are you male or female?
To find the answer, look down..
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NOT HERE STUPID!!!




Careful What You Wish For


It looks the dems got what they were hoping for. More seats.
So all you sheeple out there be sure and sit back (like you did when it came to voting time) and relax, enjoy your rights and freedoms while they get slowly eaten away.

I heard a quote by Nancy Pelosi this morning - loosely quoted as I can't remember the exact wording: "We will now govern this country...". Yup, she said the dems will 'govern' this country. She didn't say that the dems would LEAD the country. No, they want to control it. Nice job people.

Here in Nevada, the idiot ex-president Jimmy Carter's idiot son Jack Carter was running for senator. Luckily he didn't get elected.
When I first saw that he was running for office, I'm like "What the fuck? What interest does that moron have in Nevada?" Good question.

And at least 2 of the 3 representatives are republicans. The governor is now not only a dem, but a woman too. [Update: Sorry, I was looking at my county's reults. Statewide, she lost. WOOHOO!!!!!] At least the lietenant governor is a republican male. Sorry ladies, but when it comes to 'governing' the masses, you're just not strong leaders. Just lawmakers. Slap me if you want, but that's the track record so far.

I don't fault dems for wanting a democrat controlled congress or senate. No, I fault the slackers who didn't get out and vote. If you don't like he way thing are, the only way to change it is at the polls. So by not voicing your opinion, you're saying you accept what happens.
"If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen."
- Samuel Adams

Now chains literally of course, mean servitude. Figuratively though, chains can mean excessive laws enacted by rulers to govern and supress the people.
Idiots here in my state voted for question 5 on the ballot which bans smoking in about any place but a casino. This means in restaurants, bars that serve food, WHAT?!?!? Bars? You mean I can't go to the local pub and spark on up?
Yes. That's what it means. You can't sit there and eat your cheeseburger, sip a cold one and afterward fire up a smoke. You can eat prepackaged food like bags of peanuts and candy bars in machines in those places, but bars which allow smoking must now be separeted from food service areas.

Now it don't really affect me, since I don't like people around me to smoke when I'm eating so I go to non-smoking areas anyway. But I still voted against it because I think it should be up to the owner to decide whether or not they want to allow smoking. And as a patron, you or I used to have a choice as to whether or not we would patronize that sort of business. Now it has been forced upon us. And the owner. I'm guessing a pretty sizeable portion of the voting public were hanging out in such bars bitching about how it would affect them if it passed though. Serves you right for not going to the polls fuckwads. I hope you enjoy stepping outside when you want to light up now.

There were at least 200,000 people who voted out of a population of over 2 million. I seriously doubt that is the total number of registered voters in this state. That's probably a very likely sampling of the national average too.
But hey. If that's the way you want it, to have 10% of the population deciding what's best for you, then I don't want to hear a fucking word when something is going your way.

Okay, enough ranting. The people have spoken. Or not, as the case may be.






Nevada election results.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Want to on the top all night"
Nah, I prefer the bottom.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Ain't It The Truth

Stolen from here.
Q. What do blowjobs and flowers have in common?
A. After the first year they are only given on special occasions.

And just for kicks, here's a funny:
A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counselor.
The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about anything the two of you have in common."
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks."






Thanx lf2k.

Spiffy

Check out this new search engine.

Racketeering

Ah, yes. It's fall. That splederous time of year when NFL is on teevee, the leaves are turning all those awesome colors, and the annual smog check and registration for my truck is due. The time where I give more of my hard earned cash to the state.

I usually go to the little smog check shack a mile or so away from my work. Now let me take a pause here and describe the area. The shack is in the parking lot of a little strip mall adjacent to one of the major streets in town. This street is a 6 lane road running parallel to one of the main runways of the international airport. Quite busy during the day, but not so much during the off hours. The smog shack is on the side of the street opposite the airport, but - let's just say a well hit golf ball could clear the fence around the airport, but no way it could hit an airplane.

So I goes pulling in to the little shack in the parking lot, whereupon Mr. Beer Belly wanders around and says most politely "What can I do for you?".
"Time for the sniff test I guess" says I.
From there the conversation goes something like this:
Mr. Beer Belly: Man, I can't believe how nice it is out here today.

Curmudgeon: Yeah, gorgeous. Good golfing weather.

Mr. Beer Belly: (Chuckle) I got my ass ripped by a cop one day.

Curmudgeon: Oh?

Mr. Beer Belly:
Yeah, I got here like, an hour and a half early one day. I have a little square of turf in the shack here (holding arms up as if to give a demonstration of the size) and some old balls and my seven iron in the trunk. No traffic on the street so I thought I would go ahead and hit a few practice balls over towards the fence there. (Pointing toward the fence which surrounds the airport on the other side of the street).

Mr. Beer Belly: So I was swinging away and the cop pulls up and parks right there (extending index finger) in that spot.
He comes over and tells me "Now I was watching you through the binoculars from that hill over there, seeing you hit golf balls, and I ain't even going to start on how many laws you're breaking here.
"But the worst part is besides being a lousy golfer, I had to watch your big, white belly pop out from under your shirt every time you hit a ball.
"So, no more hitting balls, okay?"

Curmudgeon:
(Boistrous laughter). What? He didn't even offer up any pointers?

Mr. Beer Belly:
Nope. Not a one.

Curmudgeon: Well, that wasn't very friendly of him.

Mr. Beer Belly: Alright. You're all set sir.

Curmudgeon: Thanks. See you next year.
Oh, the mental images.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Trojan latex condoms on us"
Eww, gross. I don't want the one on you!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Un-Fucking Believable

I was doing a little surfing, and stumbled across this:

Meth And Love?


"So If My Boyfriend Is A Meth Addict But Him Being On Meth = Incredible Sex, Should I Get Him Help, Or Just Screw Around Till We Break Up."
And she is totally serious.

Here sweety, this is what you do:
Go to daddy's drawer and find his biggest, loaded handgun. Put the open end of the barrel firmly against your right temple and pull the trigger. Do the world a favor and rid us of your sorry ass.

Fucking moron.

Quote Of The Day

From Og:
"Today I have to drive 290 miles to a job. I will be there all week. Because I couldn’t get an absentee ballot I will have to drive 290 miles back home tonight, get up in the morning, and drive 290 miles AGAIN. yes, I feel that strongly about it. So if it inconveniences you to vote, better stay home. I don’t want you influencing the outcome of the elections ANYWAY."
I have nothing to add.

Caption This

Why not? Everyone else does:



Here are my entries:

"I did NOT have sexual relations with that goat!"
"Smell this! Does this smell like a camel's ass judge? Huh? Does it?"

Okay, your turn. What is the asshole saying?

Hey Kids! Want To Join A Club?

See what hate groups are in your area and join today!

Be part of the crowd. Be part of the fun! Kill a commie for Jeebus!

Blue Skies

Heads up, blue sky thinking can alienate staff:

Let's make sure we're all on the same page here.

They say cliches can alienate workers? I would have to agree sometimes, but only if they're a little thin-skinned. Take it from the horse's mouth here, I have been intimidated by jargon before. When the higher-ups start talking lingo I'm not too clear on, I some times end up with my head in the clouds. Sometimes they think they're clear as a bell, but I'm a little fuzzy, clear as mud. Especially if they're coming from left field.

But we usually end up moving forward and hitting one out of the park. We're team players where I work and we don't want one person to get lost in the shuffle. We try to deal from the top of the deck and like to have all our ducks in a row.

Sometimes, someone step out of line, but we usually pull together, put the shoulder to the wheel, our nose to the grindstone and toe the line. There is usually a light at the end of the tunnel. Greener pastures are just around the corner we know that we'll reap what we sow.

Pervs

What's with all these pervs?

First there's this:
Naked man arrested for concealed weapon:

EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.
[...]
Ugh. Okay, he pulls an awl out of his ass?
Who was the luck bastard to drop that in an evidence bag I wonder?

Next, we have this couple:
Nude couple's feud ends at Waffle House:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - No shirt, no service? What about no clothes at all? A couple that began squabbling in a motel room Friday morning carried their dispute over to an adjacent Waffle House restaurant in the nude, police said.
[...]
Book 'em, Danno.

Come on people. Get some clothes on.

Spam Subject of the Day

"so orangeade"
Okay.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Quote Of The Day

From some random picture:
"Voting is like choosing your favorite mosquito out of a swarm."
Ain't it the truth.

Fuck Off Friday

It's here! Fuck Off Friday.

No, not the day where you kick back, take it easy and slack off the remainder of the week. This is the day where I get to tell someone to FUCK OFF!!!

So who gets it this week? Why, these assholes. Go have a look.

Some dickhead dressed up as a terrorist/suicide bomber for Halloween. Staged executions, torture scenarios, the whole shebang. And the best (worst?) part of it is the president of the University of Pennsylvania went along with it.

Yah, sweet. Most people think that dressing up as a murderer - such as Hitler, Saddam or Stalin - would deserve a good ass-beating. Not being all P.C. and shit. But evidently, this was okay.

So, to the arrogant assholes in costume, FUCK OFF!

AAAAHHHH!!!!

Okay, here's the scoop:
Family of slain mailman sues pawn shop:

SEATTLE - The family of a postal worker killed after a 1999 shooting at a Jewish center in California has sued the Washington state pawn shop where the white supremacist shooter got the pistol, saying he did not fill out the required documents.
[...]
Again, follow along with me now, IT WAS THE SHOOTER'S FAULT!!!

The gun didn't go off by itself so it wasn't the gun's fault.
It wasn't the store owner who pulled the trigger, so even if he did sell it illegally, it wasn't his fault.
The manufacturer didn't pull the trigger, so it wasn't their fault either.

Greedy bastards.


Next, again from Seattle, we have this:
Fired over finger, driver wants job back:

SEATTLE - A school bus driver fired after she reportedly made an obscene gesture at
President Bush has filed a union grievance in an attempt to get her job back.
[...]
Nice example for the kids bitch.
I don't care that she flipped the prez off. More power to her. She has every right to do that and I'm sure it ain't the first time he's seen it.

But doing it with a bus load of kids? I say she deserved to get fired.


Now, we have a school getting burnt down:
Chem lab fire destroys N.C. high school:

GIBSONVILLE, N.C. - A fire that began in a chemistry lab destroyed a high school, leaving more than 1,000 students without a school building for the rest of the year.
[...]
And more than a thousand kids jumped for joy!

I was never that lucky when I was in school.


And finally, this idiot:
Teen points BB pistol at the wrong car:

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - A teenager pointed his BB pistol at the wrong car. The car stopped and the two men inside pulled out their real .40-caliber Glock handguns. They were undercover police driving an unmarked car.
[...]
Too bad they didn't blow his punk-ass chest full of holes. Get rid of him and do the world a favor. Stupid shit.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Re: !"
Ah. Short and sweet.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

A Coupla Funnies

Since it's been a while, I'll repost these classics:
Q- What’s old and smells like Ginger?
A- Fred Astaires face.

Q- What’s black, crispy and comes on a stick?
A- Joan of Ark.

Q- What's blue and sings alone?
A- Dan Akroyd.

Q- Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed in the morning?
A- Because they don’t have balls to scratch.




Headcold Haiku

Since you all appreciated my wintertime poem so much, I thought I would post a little more poetry. I wrote this almost two yeasr ago, but it is still applicable:
Sneeze, wheeze, cough, snort.
Feel like shit with no energy
I want to lay down.
You're welcome.

A Winter Poem

Shit! It's cold out there!

Another One Bites The Dust

Stardust casino sees last roll of dice:

LAS VEGAS - The Stardust, the neon-wrapped casino with a mobbed-up past whose 1,065 rooms once set the standard for size on the Las Vegas Strip, witnessed its last roll of the dice Wednesday.
[...]
I happened to have worked there once. I was a busboy on graveyard shift. That was one of the worst jobs I ever had.

Anyway, most - if not all - of the joints that made up the real Las Vegas are gone. Now, it's one big competition to see who can build the biggest, flashiest, most expensive mega-resort with the most unique decorations. It ain't about the players, the great service, comping even the small time players and making everyone feel like a big time gambler having the time of their life. That's a thing of the past.

Nowdays, it's about retention. Keeping you within the walls of their own little city so you will spend all your money in one place. The atmosphere is more intimidating. No quaint little gambling halls anymore. No, it's an arena full of machines, tables, cameras, suits pacing, and high dollar games. No more of the dollar blackjack. You're lucky to find a $5 table. More likely a $25 minimum table. Which, is a bit rich for my blood. I ain't going to toss a handfull of $25 chips out for one hand.

Well anyway, enough of that. I don't gamble unless company comes to town, and I miss the old feel of Vegas. I hate to see all the old places go.

What A Dude

AWOL soldier who returned, flees again:

LOUISVILLE, Ky. - A U.S. Army soldier who fled to Canada rather than return to
Iraq has disappeared again, this time just a day after surrendering to the military.
[...]
Look you chicken-shit mutherfucker. We know you aren't brave enough to do your duty. Why would we think you would be brave enough to face your music? I dunno. No clue.

Stay in Canada you whimp. Or maybe try France. Plenty of cowards there for you to chum around with.

Lard Ass

Wash. woman unexpectedly has baby boy:

'I don't know how I didn't know. I just didn't know,' Brisendine said Tuesday from her bed at Overlake Medical Center's Birthing Center, where she delivered Alexander Joseph Britt by Caesarean section.
[...]
Uh, she didn't know? She sounds stupid enough to not know how she got that way either.
Look. If you're that fucking fat, back awaaaaay from the chalupa once in a while.

Spam Subject of the Day

"strictest, of your coronation slightly can say foah"
Bullshit. I never say 'foah'.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

R & R

So...I guess as is the tradition for bloggers, when one takes a vacation, one comes back and relates the experience. Be it to rub everyone else's nose in the fact that someone took a vacation and you didn't (naner-naner), or just to have something to post about, here is my post-vacation post.

Mark has already touched on it a little, the ill (pun) side effects of said vacation, but allow me to elaborate.

We (a group of 11 of us) set sail upon the balmy sea Sunday the 22nd. We were headed for the "Mexican Riviera" - Puerto Vallarte, Mazatlan, then Cabo San Lucas. But alas, hurrican Paul had otherplans for us. Monday, during one of our "Fun Days At Sea", the captain announced that were we to maintain our current course, we would sail through the middle of Paul. So our intinerary would be changed to Ensenada, San Diego, and Catalina Island. The groan heard resounding through the ship was deafening, as was the sighs of relief by some people who were nervous about having to sail through a storm. But as a group, we collectively decided we would have fun anyway. Even though it wasn't where we had planned on going. And even though I don't care if I ever set foot in California again.

So we ended up in Ensenada as our first port of call on Wednesday, after being at sea since Sunday afternoon.
It was entertaining. We saw a couple of the local tourist attractions, got hounded by the many beggars, and had a couple cocktails while the shoppers shopped. Also included was a free Mexican economics lesson from the tour guide. (Mark may also have to verify some of my recollections but as near as I remember, here are some numbers).

We learned all about how employers provide the equivilent of 'Section 8' housing for their employees (No wonder they come here wanting free room and board). How when they buy a car, it will be at least five years old, as they are not allowed to import cars less than five years old. And how if they do choose to buy a car, they have to put at least 35% down and pay it off in two years.
We also learned why it takes them years to build a house. They do it all themselves. Why? They can't afford a mortage, even though the minimum wage is around $8.50. If they are to incur any financing, it would cost them around 21.5%, and has to be paid in full in 20 years. So they end up doing a little at a time.
Oh, and let's not forget (which I did) about the many fine wines to come from the area. The tour guide let us know quite frankly, and in all seriousness, that were the wines from that area aren't shipped to the United States. The reason? If they were, they would run producers from the Napa Valley out of business.
Uh, yeah.

Now if you've never been to Mexico:
  • Don't drink the water (unless you want the screaming shits)
  • Don't buy the silver (unless you really know your jewelry)
  • Don't bother with the cuban cigars (waaaaaay overpriced and overrated)
  • Don't buy any Chiclets (cheek-lay) from a child (you will be mobbed)
  • Don't offer to buy the child from the mother and offer a better life
The next port of call was San Diego on Friday. Now this was a stop worth making. If you ever get the chance, go to the San Diego zoo. It was great. All sorts of critters from all sorts of climates. Arctic Polar bears to Saharan gazelles. We didn't have time enough to see it all, but we saw a good chunk of it. Well worth visiting again when there is more time.

The last port of call was Catalina. By this time, it was me and Mrs. Curmudgeon's turn to catch the flu most everyone else in our group had suffered through.
Before you say anything, no. It was not "Bottle Flu". I know the difference between a hangover and the flu. I had both on this trip.
Anyway, I ended up staying on the boat all day. Mrs C went to Catalina for an hour or so, but ended up coming back to the boat and taking it easy the rest of the day too.

All in all we had a good time. We were with a fun bunch of people, and there was plenty to eat , drink and see.
There are tons of pictures, but I haven't felt up to posting them yet. I'll get around to it one of these days. I promise. Sometime after I shake this bug.

Tricky-Treat

So yes, I gave out goodies last night.

There was of course, the usual assortment of ghosts, ghouls and goblins. A smattering of satans, a plethora of pirates, and a washtub full of witches. And yes, there were also many children in costumes.

I mean, when I was around say 11 or 12, I thought I was too old to 'trick or treat'. That must have been "back in the day".

There were some young lads and lasses going around last night who probably parked their own cars around the corner! Gee whiz. And some of the costumes? Maybe I'm an old perv, but some of them teen girls looked like they were auditioning for a job at the Spearmint Rhino. They had to have tucked their tits into those costumes with a broom handle.

And to top it off, near the end of the evening, a family of wetbacks er, illegals I mean, mexicans - and I do mean a whole family - came knocking at the door. Everyone had a bag. Including the father, the mother, the two older sons (early twenties, puffing Marlboros) as well as the younger kids - the ones who were of the age where they should actually be trick or treating.
Now I ain't about to deny a family of the spanish persuasion a handfull of goodies. Call me prejudiced if you will, but I figger it's a small price to pay for preserving the integrity of the current paint job on my house.

I just don't get it. Rock crushes scissors, scissors cut paper, and greed covers pride I guess.

Oh, and here's a funny:

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Open Mouth, Switch Feet

Kerry apologizes for "botched" Iraq joke :

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Democratic Sen. John Kerry said on Wednesday he was sorry about a 'botched joke' that drew election-year fire from President George W. Bush and other Republicans who accused him of insulting U.S. troops in Iraq.
[...]
Kerry is the real joke here.

To think he may have been the president still gives me a shiver.

Update: Here is what some of our soldiers had to say about it:

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Click image to see the full size version.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Colmans drew Kilkeel"
How do you draw a Kilkeel?