"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"You'll be every woman's idol"
Sorry, already am.



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Thursday, January 29, 2009

You've Coma A Long Way Baby

Obama signs equal-pay bill
WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama signed an equal-pay bill into law Thursday before cheering labor and women leaders who fought hard for it and the woman whose history-making lawsuit gave impetus to the cause.
[...]
Good job, dear. Now where's my supper?

Next thing you know, they'll be putting a man on the moon.


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"Good Job, Men"

That's some good police work there:
Poker aficionados watching SC Texas Hold 'em case
[...]
As the cards flew during a night in April 2006, a half-dozen police officers burst into the home, seizing several thousand dollars in cash and a small amount of marijuana. They ticketed Chimento and about 20 other players for breaking the conservative state's 200-year-old prohibition on games of chance.
[...]
Nice to know the authorities are keeping us safe from the bad guys.




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BWAH!!!

The tally is in!

2 million people attended the Inauguration of our new president.

Only 14 missed work!




Thanks Sherri. :)


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Have you ever tried pheromones?"
No worries there. After a day of yard work, I have plenty emitting from my pits.



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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Stimulating

With all the talk of another stimulous plan in the works, if another check gets sent to taxpayers, here are some things to keep in mind.

Via email:
Stimulus Payment Info.

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.





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Attention Geeks, Nerds, And Other Assorted Basement Dwellers

Okay, it's bad enough to hear someone yammer on about their kids, their cats, their exes, or their favorite game the prior weekend. But if you can stand up and talk for an hour about your armor, your weaponry, your abilities, your level and your conquests the prior evening during your on-line gaming experience, you need to get a fucking life.



Ahhhh.... Nothing beats cubicle life.


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The New Look of Food Stamps

We've had quite a tradition of printing the mugs of presidents or other people who have made a significant change to humanity in general, on our national currency. Thing is, we've always done it posthumously.

Why wait until they're dead I say. Let's get the ball rolling right now for the new president. Get his picture on there while he's in office:




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Vibrator - Meet Power Drill"
Now you're taliking!



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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Then On The Other Hand

Quote from a random blog:
"Ugh I have no idea what I should do my friend alex still likes me and I still like him but ugh Noah keeps ditching me at school and he'll act all sad and I'll ask him what's wrong and he won't tell but yet he says he don't care if I know and he getting all pissed when people say anything about me being bisexual even when it's not bad and I don't care and he showing pics of me and him from the movies and it just pissing me off ugh then today I did scene hair and like he was being a jerk about it like saying what your even more scene now and Erg he's just making me mad and he called me fat the other day and he gets high like every day grrrrrrr am I fat???????"
No, just stupid.

Reminds me of a T-shirt I saw once on a somewhat LARGE-ish girl in college:
"I may be fat, but you're stupid. And I can diet."





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Unbelievable

Senate OKs 4-month delay to digital TV changeover
Mon Jan 26, 8:14 PM ET

WASHINGTON - People who have not gotten their TV sets ready for the changeover to digital signals could earn a four-month reprieve under a bill making its way through Congress.
[...]
I already mentioned this in a post a spell back, but ... why?

Why delay another four months, something that has been in the works for several years now?
Sweet bleedin' shit people. Unless you've been living in a remote corner of the country totally isolated from the news, you should have known for a couple years that this was going to happen. And the senate should be worrying about more important things than who can watch a fucking press conference.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Re: my birthday suit"
No thanks. I have one of my own.
Fuckwad.



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Monday, January 26, 2009

Thought For Today

I've heard stories from some people who were "lucky" enough to get tickets in a drawing for the presidential inauguration.
I've also heard others mention "Wow! That person must have donated a lot to the campaign to get that close!".

With that, I had an epiphany: If one's relative proximity to the presidential inauguration hoopla is directly proportional one's support given to Obamm-bamm during his campaign, I am proud to announce that I did not move even one millimeter nearer.



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Teachers, Where Is Your God Union Now?

A Stark Warning
[...]
The Saturday rally marked the one-year anniversary of the announcement that the diocese would not recognize the teachers union as a collective bargaining unit. The diocese instead created an employee relations program to address wages, benefits and other similar issues.

House Bill 26 would allow lay teachers and employees at religious schools to decide by a majority vote if they want to be represented by a union. Unions in religious schools could then bring grievances to the Pennsylvania Labor Relations Board — which currently has no jurisdiction over workplace issues in parochial schools.
[...]
Teachers' salaries suck. I do feel bad for anyone so committed they are willing to condemn themselves to a life of a sub-level salary for the benefit of their students. They have my respect.
As compared to other occupations with the same level of degree required, teachers are the lowest paid people in the country. And unions have fixed this, how?

Yeah, maybe they help with grievances and whatnot which aren't salary related, but if I were to ever think about getting into a career in education, I would definitely be looking for a superintendent job or somesuch. Something with a decent salary.


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Rap Sucz

Well, here I go again. Another post about music. Really though, this post is not so much about music, but more about rap. Even more specifically, rappers.

Seems every time I make a post about music and musicians, or rap and rappers, I get called to the carpet. Well, so be it. If you don't like my commentary, don't bother posting a comment letting me know how uninformed or stupid I am, or how I don't understand what it's all about because rap sucks, rappers are a bunch of talentless, racist hacks, or because a a particular musician or entertainer I thinks sucks or is ugly. Just shut the fuck up and move along. I've heard it all before.

So the background is that I got wind of some shit the fucknut Jay-Z was yammering on about from Mrs. Curmudgeon as we were enjoying a dinner out. She mentioned that she had watched a Bill O'Reilly show last week there he and Dennis Miller - wait a minute. Mrs. Curmudgeon watching Bill O'Reilly? Blow me down matey. She always shakes her head when I mention anything I've watched on O'Reilly's show.

Anyway, she mentioned she that was watching O'Reilly interview Dennis Miller last week and they were discussing some of the racist shit the idiots Jay-Z (wtf?) and Young Jeezy (again, wtf?) had been spouting off at the inaugural ball.

Now notice I said this was on O'Reilly's show, which is of course, on the Fox network. There was no mention of it that I know of on any of the other major networks. Why do you suppose that is?

I snagged these quotes from other sources, so they may be misaligned or disjointed, but you get the drift:
Young Jeezy:"I know ya'll thanking a lot of people right now...I want to thank two people. I want to thank the motherfucker overseas that threw two shoes at George Bush, and I want to thank the motherfuckers who helped them move they shit up out the White House. Get it moving bitch! My president is motherfucking black!"

Jay-Z: "My president is black, in fact he's half white/So even in a racist mind he's half right/If you've got a racist mind it's alright/My president is black, but his house is all white!"

"Never thought I'd say this shit, baby I'm good. you can keep your pussy because I don't want no more Bush. No more war. No more Iraq. No more white lies, my president is black"
Nice. You rap fans have yourself some real role models there.

And these fuckers call us crackers racists? Now that's fucking funny.
Yeah, It's a real honor to be a racist drug dealer. A real honor to glamorize "the 'hood". Poverty, drugs, gang violence, filth and unlimited children on "The Man's" dime.

Good for you, you rappin', hip-hoppin' fucks. You made it to the big time. You have a career, unlike the people whose lives you ruined by selling them the drugs that made the money that got you your start in life.

But you Obama, I never heard a rebuttal from you. If in fact you and your following are not racist, why did you allow this bullshit ease on by without any denouncement from your staff?

Let's say that next election, a white man gets elected. Let's say that oh, Ted Nugent gets on stage and says something like "No more black lies! My president is white again!" Does anyone believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, BBC, CBC, ... even fucking Pravda, wouldn't go totally apeshit and rip 'The Nuge' a new asshole?
Damn right they would. They would make it perfectly clear how big of a gun-totin' white racist he was, and from that point on he wouldn't make it through another day without round the clock Secret Service protection and a new identity.

Yeah, racism still abounds, but I don't hear it coming from whitey any more.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Som aBlly No\/.!"
Okay, you got me there. No clue.



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Friday, January 23, 2009

HE HAS RISEN!!! HE WILL LEAD US!!! CHANGE!!! HOPE!!!

Doug Ross has put up a tidy little quite a comprehensive list of the fucking losers we can look to as leaders and lawmakers for the next few years:
Obama's Posse o' Change

Well, this seems an inauspicious start. No, not the oath of office (that appeared to be a gaffe by the Chief Justice). It's the crew that President Obama assembled to serve as his Cabinet.
[...]
Do yourself a favor and go read it. Stew on it a bit, then feel free to do as I did. Sit back in your chair, legs propped up a bit, arms crossed, and shake your head in disbelief.

Fuck me. It's a good era to be a crook.



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[snicker] [chuckle] [snort] BWAAAAHHH!!!!

Texas girls hoops team seeks forfeit of 100-0 win
DALLAS - A Texas high school girls basketball team on the winning end of a 100-0 game has a case of blowout remorse. Now officials from The Covenant School say they are trying to do the right thing by seeking a forfeit and apologizing for the margin of victory.
[...]
[snicker] [snort] [chuckle] [snicker] [giggle] [chortle] BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!...

[snort] [chuckle] BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! OMG!!! ROTFLMAO!!!

100-zip?!?!

BWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!

BWAH!!!

Good gawd-a-mighty. My stomach hurts.
Uh, maybe y'all shoulda considered packing it in about - oh, the end of the half? First quarter even?


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What A Blow-dried Fuckwit

Ill. gov tells AP that strain is like Pearl Harbor

[...]
"Dec. 9 to my family, to us, to me, is what Pearl Harbor Day was to the United States," Gov. Rod Blagojevich told The Associated Press in an interview Thursday. "It was a complete surprise, completely unexpected. And just like the United States prevailed in that, we'll prevail in this."
[...]
What a pompous, arrogant, fuck.

How can he even take his little kerfuffle and compare it with the magnitude of death and destruction of Pearl Harbor?

May the sperm of a thousand ejaculating pron stars paint his face.



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Quote of the Day

Seen on a bumper sticker on my way into work:"
"God bless our troops...
Especially our snipers"
Now THAT is a classic.



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Spam Subject of the Day

From: [?var=TAGMAILFROM]
Subject: [?var=cssubj]
Fucking idiot. If you're going to spam me, at least debug your fucking spambot first.



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Thursday, January 22, 2009

WOOHOO!!!

Score one more for the good guys:
Anti-porn online law dies quietly in Supreme Court
WASHINGTON – A federal law intended to restrict children's access to Internet pornography died quietly Wednesday at the Supreme Court, more than 10 years after Congress overwhelmingly approved it.
[...]
No, I'm not saying kids should have unlimited access to smut. What I'm saying is first, it's up to parents to monitor their child's behavior, not the courts or the web sites.
Second, this would have been one giant leap into the foray of court rulings limiting internet content to what they deem appropriate.




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Too Little, Too Late

Parents' group protests Spears song
Wed Jan 21, 8:56 PM ETRecommended 183 times

NEW YORK (Billboard) - The Parents Television Council is warning parents about the Britney Spears song "If U Seek Amy" and urging radio stations not to broadcast it because the nonprofit organization believes it "would violate the broadcast indecency law" if aired between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m.
[...]
Oh no!!! Is that cussin' on the radio and teevee?

Sorry you bleach blonde bitch. It's already been done. A few times.

I remember listening to this song back when I was 'young, dumb, and fulla cum'. And it gave me a good giggle, it did.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Message from President"
Lovely.



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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Say What?!?!

Yup, it's done. We have a new President of the United States, Commander in Chief, World Leader, blah blah blah, whatever you want to call the dude.

Some folks say the country is/has/will go completely and unobtrusively to hell. They're almost giddy waiting...just waiting for the chance to see him fuck up. Big time. Just so they can say "I told you so."
I think I fall into that category somewhat, in that I'm sure he ain't "all that", and he isn't going to be the savior so many people think he is.

Others are saying that he's now our president and love or hate him, whether you voted for him or not, he is our president and it is time to swallow the pride and support him.

Fuck that. If he does a good job, fine. I'll say "good job". He still has to get congress and the house behind his ass to make anything happen. And since the majority of those being demo-socialists, it won't be much of a task. And since they are, well, it's going to be a 'taxing' four years for a lot of people.

Anyway, after spending one hundred and seventy million dollars yesterday on his big hoe-down ... wait a minute. How much?
That would be $170,000,000.00.
See all those commas?
How many commas do you have on your paycheck? How much of it went to the big show?

Anyway, after showing us how fiscally responsible he is by spending about the same on his hoe-down yesterday as what 850 - get that: 850 - "Joe the Plumbers" make in a year, everyone should rethink what the coming years hold in store for us.

I didn't have the opportunity to listen to his spiel speech yesterday, but I did hear a clip or two of it here and there. Whatever. Usual do-good shit every other president has said with the words switched around a bit.

Look it up if you're interested. There are probably hundreds of web sites that have it, or I'm sure a few hundred youtubes of it.

I once said I would support whoever was president. I guess I changed my mind. People have to earn my respect. It isn't automatic.

Oh, and by the way, I don't give a flying fuck what the fuck Mrs. Obamm-bamm is wearing, who the fuck her hairdresser is, where the fuck the fucking kids fucking go to school, or what sort of fucking dog they fucking get for the fucking White House.

Jeezus Kryst you fucking media. Enough with the fucking Camelot bullshit. Quit trying to make celebrities out of these fucking people. Is there no fucking news from anywhere besides the fucking entertainment industry?

FUCK ME!!!!



I think I just set a personal record.



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My Hero

Texas senator blocks Clinton's state confirmation
WASHINGTON – The confirmation of Hillary Rodham Clinton to be secretary of state will be held up for at least a day due to the objection of a single senator. Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, said he wanted "a full and open debate and an up-or-down vote on Sen. Clinton's nomination."
[...]
Hey. Every little bit helps.
The more they pry, the more time they have to think.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Make your King-Kong twice larger"
Dude. He damn near took out the Empire State building. Imagine what he would do if he was twice as big!



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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Small Town Raised

This is way too true. Via email:

Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this. Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't understand how true it is.

1.) You can name everyone you graduated with.

2.) You know what 4-H means.

3.) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6)

4.) You used to 'drag' Main.

5.) Most people went by a nickname.

6.) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.

7.) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.) Besides, where would you get the money.

8.) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to by cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.

9.) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.

10.) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.

11.) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

12.) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, to 2 blocks to Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field.

13.) The golf course had only 9 holes.

14.) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend's/girlfriend.

15.) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

16.) The town next to you was considered 'trashy' or 'snooty' but was actually just like your town.

17.) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1950 as the 'rich' people.

18.) The people in the 'big city' dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.

19.) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the drive-in.

20.) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.

21.) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

22.) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference.

23.) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.

24.) Your teachers called you by your older sibling's names.

25.) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.

26.) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.

27.) There was no McDonalds.

28.) The closest mall was over an hour away.

29.) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.

30.) You've pee'd in a corn or alfalfa field.

I would not have wanted to have been raised any other way!!!!

"Tough times don't last... Tough people do!!!"




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I'm Back!

WOOHOO!!!



Well, that's where I was anyway.
A bunch of us make an annual trip up to Utah to go ice fishing. Maybe I'll get some pictures put up on here some day, but in the meantime, we had a good time.
Not a lot of fish caught, but plenty of socializing and card playing at the end of the day.

So I guess today's the big day, huh? Obamm-bamm gets put in office, the city of Washington D.C. is a cluster fuck, and the news on teevee seems to care more about what his wife will be wearing to the big inauguration ball than what the new prez will be doing in office. But I guess they only report on what the majority of sheeple in America want to hear.
Yes, history is being made. A muslim in office, a fag choir singing a hallelujah, and it looks like the lying, cheating, two-faced bitch will be the secretary of state.

Oh yes. It should be a fucking wonderful four years.

Democratic Party



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Ride her like a cowboy"
That reminds me of a joke:

Q- What is "rodeo sex"?
A- As you're screwing her doggie style, call out someone else's name and see if you can hang on for eight seconds.



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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Outta Here

Well, I'm off outta town for a few days. I won't be back until Tuesday.
Chances are real slim I'll be doing any computing, so HAVE A WEEKEND!!!


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A Funny

You know, I keep hearing the word 'service' when referring to big businesses, government red tape and so on.

A few examples:
Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
State, City & County Public 'Service'

This isn't exactly what I thought 'service' meant. But recently I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing.





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Just So You Know

How long would it take for a Tyrannosaurus Rex to digest your corpse?


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BWAH!!!

So I noticed a hit on my Sitemeter from Technorati.
I reckon Technorati is some sort of blog meta-search slash analysis thingy people use to either find or see whuzzup on blogs.

Whatever.

What gave me a good giggle though, was this:
Seems there a lot of people I dislike.

Good times. Damn good times.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Oprah Winfrey Endorsed No.1_LoseWeight Superfood"
What is it, the Twinkie™ diet?



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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Good Question

Why Does Your Devalued Home Have Such a High Tax Rate?

Are your property taxes rising while the value of your house falls? Join the multitudes of Americans in the same predicament.
[...]
See, that's why you don't vote for even the slightest little percentage of tax increase. A quarter percent here, an eight percent there, they all add up. And government just don't let taxes fall after an increase is voted in or mandated. They don't try to budget more. They have more money - our money - to play with so they just spend more.

It's a racket.

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Another Worthless Study

Finger length may predict financial success

Mon Jan 12, 6:05 PM ETSent 210 times

WASHINGTON - The length of a man's ring finger may predict his success as a financial trader. Researchers at the University of Cambridge in England report that men with longer ring fingers, compared to their index fingers, tended to be more successful in the frantic high-frequency trading in the London financial district.
[...]
Yeah. Right. And the middle finger is an indicator of how long your dick is too. Blah blah blah.

That must mean the execs from the closed up or bailed out banks with the golden parachutes have longer ring fingers than the poor saps working for them or investing with them.

Study these folks and give me an indicator of how successful they are:













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Spam Subject of the Day

"Life is too short to have a shitty watch."
BWAH! I like it. Honest and to the point.



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Monday, January 12, 2009

No Surprises There

More on the raghead v. raghead war.
Iran warns Hamas not to accept truce
[...]
"The Iranians threatened to stop weapons supplies and funding to the Palestinian factions if they agreed to a cease-fire with Israel. The Iranians want to fight Israel and the US indirectly. They are doing this through Hamas in Palestine and Hizbullah in Lebanon".
[...]
And to think there are actually people who refer to the United States military as baby killers.



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Happy Friggin' Anniversary To Me!!!

Just thought I would let you all know that as of today, me and Mrs. Curmudgeon have been married 24 years.

Now I know that some folks have been married a lot longer than we have, and congratulations on that. But there are many, many more who don't last near that long. So I say we deserve a pat on the back. :)




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your 9 inch tool will drive her nuts"
If she's got nuts, I don't want nothing to do with her.




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Friday, January 09, 2009

Oh For Fuck's Sake

Obama Team Seeks Delay In Digital TV Transition

WASHINGTON - President-elect Barack Obama is urging Congress to postpone the Feb. 17 switch from analog to digital television broadcasting, arguing that too many Americans who rely on analog TV sets to pick up over-the-air channels won't be ready.

In a letter to key lawmakers Thursday, Obama transition team co-chair John Podesta said the digital transition needs to be delayed largely because the Commerce Department has run out of money for coupons to subsidize digital TV converter boxes for consumers. People who don't have cable or satellite service or a new TV with a digital tuner will need the converter boxes to keep their older analog sets working.
[...]
Good gawd. The fucking idiot is getting his priorities all lined up here I see.

Look PrezElect, the digital conversion bullshit has been in the works for 10+ years, and has been a major focus of the news for around 2 years. Folks who don't have those government subsidized converter boxes are obviously not fucking interested in teevee enough to get one, or they would have already.
Them po' folks you're talking about who can't afford one? Well what did they do with their "Economic Stimulus™" check? Maybe they should have set aside forty lousy, fucking dollars for a converter.

Yeah, I know. You're going to "HOPE!!!" take care "CHANGE!!!" of everyone now that you're in office. Everyone will have enough money, enough food, enough insurance, and by god - enough teevee.

The election is over. You fucking won. You aren't campaigning anymore, so they don't need to see you on television. How about you just shut the fuck up?



Teevee


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Spam Subject of the Day

"3 inches can be yours"
Really? WOW!!!



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Thursday, January 08, 2009

Sorry

HOLY BATSHIT, ROBIN!!! THIS GIVES ME A FUCKING HEADACHE!!!!!

HOLY BATSHIT, ROBIN!!! THIS GIVES ME A FUCKING HEADACHE!!!!!


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WAAAAA!!!! [glub] [glub] [glub]

Wash. teen charged with drowning newborn in toilet

Wed Jan 7, 9:34 PM ETSent 343 times

PORT ANGELES, Wash. - A 16-year-old girl suspected of drowning an infant boy in a toilet and throwing the body in the trash was charged with murder Wednesday.
[...]
Well, at least the sick bitch won't be collecting extra welfare for the kid.

This begs the question then. Which costs the taxpayer less; paying for her welfare check or three hots and a cot?


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Damn That Global Warming™

Extreme Alaska cold grounds planes, disables cars

JUNEAU, Alaska – Ted Johnson planned on using a set of logs to a build a cabin in Alaska's interior. Instead he'll burn some of them to stay warm.

Extreme temperatures — in Johnson's case about 60 below zero — call for extreme measures in a statewide cold snap so frigid that temperatures have grounded planes, disabled cars, frozen water pipes and even canceled several championship cross country ski races.

Alaskans are accustomed to subzero temperatures but the prolonged conditions have folks wondering what's going on with winter less than a month old.
[...]
Yes, Algore. Tell me more. Tell me all about the greenhouse effect and how we're all going to die...

Gorezilla



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Nice Figure, Eh?

Just a random picture:






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Spam Subject of the Day

"Being nine inches will never be easier"
Always after me Lucky Charms....



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Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Good Gawd

Australian police hunt blow-up doll sex bandit
Reuters - Tue Jan 6, 8:28 PM ET

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man broke into three adult shops, had sex with blow up dolls named "Jungle Jane" and then dumped his plastic conquests in a nearby alley, local media reported on Wednesday.
[...]
Jeebus Kreebus, dude. Take one of them home for later at least.

What a slut.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Even Brad Pitt used this"
You talking about the phone in the picture below?



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Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Interesting

Sort of a spiffy picture.
Follow the link and move your mouse from top to bottom on the picture. Or move it from bottom to top if you would rather:

Daytime or nighttime in Hong Kong...



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Just Grand

The news is abuzz with the "Him" moving into the White House, his kids going to the uppity private school - you know, the one Chelsea Clinton went to - and the upcoming inauguration. Not to mention all the shithead democrats being sworn into office today.

Well, good luck you fucked up pack of socialist losers. It would be just swell if you all can indeed live up to all the promises you made during campaign time.
Without us all having to hand over our entire paycheck, that is.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Spice up your bedroom life"
Are you talking about putting a teevee in there?



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Monday, January 05, 2009

E.T.

Phone home:



Sorry, it made me laugh.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Taking her by the scruff"
Ooga booga bom-bala ooga booga.



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Friday, January 02, 2009

It's That Time of the Year

Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year Contest

Headline of the Year: Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY
(submitter: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener)

Runner-up: "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male
(submitter: slim pickens)


Sports tab Headline of the Year: After hours of squealing and grunting, a sweaty Maria Sharapova finally licks Ana Ivanovic Down Under
(submitter: I_Approve_Of_This_Message)

Runner-up: One armed swimmer nearly completes swimming the English Channel until someone waves at him
(submitter: daveinaz)


Geek tab Headline of the Year: Scientists create rubber that repairs itself. Your parents wish they had had this
(submitter: GoGoGo)

Runner-up: Three steps to get drugs out of your drinking water. Cool, but what do we do with all the leftover water?
(submitter: time2sow)


Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: George Takei to marry long term partner. Wedding planner sets phasers to stunning
(submitter: Taleya)

Runner-up: Queen guitarist Brian May completes his doctoral thesis in astrophysics, proving link between rotation of the Earth and human females with ample gluteal regions
(submitter: Cordwainer Deathbird)


Politics tab Headline of the Year: "Obama tax plan will retard growth, job creation" as opposed to Palin's plan of job growth and retard creation
(submitter: Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude)

Runner-up: Alaska's black population says he has felt ignored by Palin
(submitter: cfffffgagffacfacfacfacfacccccfcaaffff)


Business tab Headline of the Year: Toyota recalls 90,000 of 90,001 Highlanders for obvious reason
(submitter: NetOwl)

Runner-up: Blind CEO first to lead blind organization. The only things he can't do are A) drive a car, B) fly an airplane and C)
(submitter: Sique)

Pun/Wordplay Headline of the Year: Harsh winters drive away all but heartiest birds. Won't somebody please think of the chilled wren?
(submitter: wegro froestu)

Runner-up: Man dies in monkey attack as primates tear him into rhesus pieces
(submitter: 40below)
They crack me the hell up, they do.


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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Motorists' habits spur call for tax increases
1 hour, 24 minutes agoSent 427 times

l WASHINGTON - Motorists are driving less and buying less gasoline, which means fuel taxes aren't raising enough money to keep pace with the cost of road, bridge and transit programs.
[...]
So let me get this straight - gas prices go sky high causing people to drive less. On the one hand, greenies and Algore love it because we're burning less fossil fuels. On the other hand, governments lose tax revenue for building more and better roads. And on the other hand, there are fewer vehicles to make roads for. But on the other hand, mass transit systems get more business, but their rates will go up because of higher taxes.

What's going to happen when we start using so-called "alternative fuels"? That shit is going to be taxed so bad to compensate for the lack of gas taxes, it will be unaffordable.


Fuck me.


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Happy Friggin' New Year

Yup. it's a new number on the calendar. A new year.

A time for people to think about all the shit that has gone wrong in their lives and talk about doing something different this coming year. Same old song and dance.

Like a skipping record, every year it's "Last year was shit, let's hope this year is better." Well, I got some news for you. You'll be saying the same fucking thing about 363 days from now.

And yes, every year, people make resolutions. They try them for a while and when they tire of it say "Fuck it, this ain't no fun."

That diet? Bah. Maybe a pill will do the trick.

Stop smoking? I'm sure the maker of Nicorette has a nice spike in profits for a month and a half, then back to normal by Valentine's Day.

Treat people better? Yeah, a nicer attitude at the water cooler until they deal with the usual asshole customer or boss, then - you guessed it - back to the grind.

This is why I don't make actual New Year's resolutions. It's bullshit. If you really want to be a better person either towards others or to yourself, just fucking do it. Don't put it off until New Year's and make some bogus milestone out of it. If it's within your control and you want it done, it's up to you to do it. And there's no time like the present.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Being 9 inches will never be easier"
No thanks. I'm content with 6' 1".



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