"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Hiatus

So, what's the deal? Is it the latest fashion or what?

I go to visit just_d, and I read this:
"This is my last post. I may, at some point, start up another blog elsewhere. If I do I'll email you and let you know."
Fine, can't blame someone for wanting to take some time off.

Then I go to Erica's blog, and here's what she had to say:
"This blog, until further notice, will be going on temporary hiatus..."
Okay then. Two of you in the same day?

I must be missing out on something here. When I can't post for a while, I just don't. And you folks don't really miss out on much during those times either.
Sure, it's a habit I've gotten into. Spouting my shit out there, but if I miss a few days, no biggie.

Oh well. I think I'll take a hiatus too. Just for the hell of it.


















Updated @ 12:38 p.m. PST
I'm back. Miss me?




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Just A Thought Here

Maybe y'all should just go ahead and either embalm or bury the bitch before there's nothing left but a pile of silicone and bones. Don't ya think?


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Maybe You Need More 'Cheerio'(s) Mate

Prince Charles says ban McDonald's food

AP - Wed Feb 28, 3:32 AM ET

LONDON - Prince Charles suggested Tuesday on a visit to the United Arab Emirates that banning McDonald's fast food was crucial for improving people's diets, a British news agency reported.
[...]
Horseface is jumping in with the rest of the world-wide nannies now too, eh?

Blimey! People aren't smart enough there to make their own decisions either?

What's the world coming to?





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Another Useless Survey

Many U.S. high school students bored in class: survey
CHICAGO (Reuters) - A majority of U.S. high school students say they get bored in class every day, and more than one out of five has considered dropping out, according to a survey released on Wednesday.
[...]
Gee. Do ya' think?

In the meantime, let's just take away anything to distract them from their studies. Useless things like art, band, shop, sports, ... All those things that aren't necessary to learn readin', writin', and 'rithmetic.
Things that may help them learn to compete or increase their creativity. Maybe learn them to work with their hands a little and learn them to not rely on other people to do things for them.

After all, kids need to learn to be P.C. Learn that there are no losers, everyone is a winner. Everything must be fair. Can't burst anyone's ego.

No politician left behind, you know.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Is it rust"
I ain't that old!




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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

'Nuther Funny

Let's hope so:
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with
President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".

The Marine aga in told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you just fine. I just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."






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A Funny



A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at A gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am, just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations And said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a Conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out And quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."






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I Guess I'm A Goner

Man aged 107 forsakes sex for longevity

What's the point of living that long if you don't enjoy it?




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Oldie But Goodie

This is one of my all-time favorite documentaries.

It requires speakers, but you may want to be discreet.

NSFW!




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I Found Jesus!

Filmmaker shows Jesus "relics"
NEW YORK (Reuters) - "Titanic" director James Cameron presented on Monday what he said was evidence the tomb of Jesus had been uncovered, but some scholars dismissed it as a publicity stunt.
Uh, yeah. How convenient.
The two small caskets were part of 10 found in 1980 during construction in South Jerusalem.
Publicity stunt? Ya think?

Time for a DNA test. Now all he needs to do is find God and get a swab to compare.

All kidding aside, I thought tombs and pyramids and statues and idols and all that sort were built for wealthy rulers or other royal family. Last I knew, Jesus and his ilk were fairly dirt poor. What makes these clowns think they would be privy to such a residence as that?




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"An shasta is barette"
Yup. And an lawnmower is turnip.



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Monday, February 26, 2007

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Why be an average guy any longer"
I've never been just average.



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Friday, February 23, 2007

Eye Bleach Anyone?

I stumbled upon this picture and nearly spat coffee on the screen.

Look over your shoulder before doing so, but I warn you. You would be better off NOT clicking here:
[+/-] show/hide the picture



Very NSFW.


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Fuck Off Friday

It's been a while since I've done a Fuck Off Friday. Sorry. I know you all are feeling slighted. But what can I say. I've been remiss.

Anyway, the news is full of bullshit media whores that I really don't give two - or for that matter, even one shit about.

Take Butch Brit for instance:

She ended up looking like an old familiar face:
Hell. The only reason she did that shit is so she could pass a drug test and keep her kids. Which - I feel sorry for the little brats having to grow up around that fucked-up bitch.
In and out of rehab? How many more times is she going to play that game? I hope her dumb-ass ex gets the kids and she ends up paying him a fortune in alimony and child support.
He's a loser too, but maybe not as big of one as she is.


Then we have the late Ms. Smith:
That coked-up, opportunistic slut was doomed anyway. If she didn't die when she did, it wouldn't have been much longer.


And last but of course, not least, we have the Oscars!:

This is when every phony phukk in Hollywood dresses up in rented jewelry, overpriced clothes, and shit-eating grins and struts their shit down the so called 'red carpet' to receive their bogus award and waste an evening of air time on the teevee.

I hate award shows anyway, won't even be in the same room if they're on. So I defintely ain't going to be wasting my time watching that shit.

So to all of you celeb types out looking for attention, I say:

FUCK OFF!!!


I don't need your shit. I have a life.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Hayid detikHot Garafola smacka"
Oh yeah? Jlaew osdf kwmdf irte to you, asshole!



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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ask The Curmudgeon

In this post, I mention the word "libtard".

I'm sorry, nut I thought everyone knew what a libtard was. Most of you know one - and in fact, you may even be one!

Well, I thought it was self-explanatory, but someone mentioned they didn't know what a libtard was. So in my never ending quest to enlighten, here is the definition:
1. libtard
72 up, 29 down

(Lib-Tard) 1) Combination of the words Liberal and retard (see also: Libterd, libturd, libnerd, libsurd, libdiot, libored) 2) The result when a tree hugger successfully mates with a tree and the offspring is born with an extra chromosome. 3) Any helpless society that must always be liberated by the blood and sweat of others yet are too arrogant and stupid to realize that they owe their entire existance to others.(see also: French-tard, French-Tarded, Retarded-Frenchmen).

libtard
1) Hillary clinton and her husband, you know what's his face. You know that libtard that got impeached for going down on that fat chick in the beret that looked like Rosie Odonnel.
2) Look at that tall mongoloid with the vote Kerry T-shirt. Must be one of them libtards.
3) Screw you Frenchie! You freakin' libtard.

*





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Question

I was just wondering: What if the "String Theory" really is a bunch of bullshit?

10 dimensions? More?
C'mon now. Gimme a break.




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This About Sums It Up



Update: Go check out Jim's post on this very thing.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"In a setscrew"
I friggin' KNOW you ain't mechanically inclined. Don't give me that shit.




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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Can You Hear Me Now?


What exactly the fuck is going on here?



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Vouchers

I guess this post is sort of in re to Mark's post about a private school opening up in his neck of the woods.

In my home-town rag, there was a letter to the editor from a public school teacher who - well, here it is:

Letter to the Editor: Voucher Windfall?

By LYNNE ROMNEY

Vernal Utah

Editor,

I am a public school teacher who is now extremely excited about vouchers. I have taught for 30 years in the state of Utah at a salary lower than most teachers in the nation. Now I can start my own private schools and more than double my salary in a single year for each private school I start.

It’s going to be easy to start a private school. The only requirements I must meet are to: 1. teach 40 students (easy, I now teach 180 students) 2. give a standardized test once a year (easy, I now give more than a dozen tests) 3. be audited once every four years (easy, I am accountable every year for every penny I now spend in my six science classes) 4. be college educated and or skilled (I’m better than that I’m licensed to teach and have 30 years experience).

In my private school the legislature is going to allow me to teach anything I want. I don’t have to follow the state core, and I don’t even have to teach a certain number of days or hours. I can see a lot of niches that need to be filled to help our student population, so I may want to start a chain of specialty schools. A private school for gay students, where they felt safe and respected, could be set up in every community. Specialized science schools emphasizing evolution and dedicated to the worship of Darwin would help students value their place in the world and universe. In Southern Utah, schools teaching the precepts of polygamy would be popular. The possibilities are endless. All this at taxpayer expense.

Good points all. What would be the motivation for a teacher that qualified to stick around and teach at a socialistic public school system for shit wages, when there are much better opportunities such as that?

Those schools can't help but be better than a public school.
Unlike public schools, private ones actually have to listen to what the parents say, or the kids will get yanked. They will lose their income.
Everyone knows how the public school system works so I won't go into that. They answer to the government, not parents. The government decides the 'best' way to run things, which is usually cutting back and lopping off what they consider unnecessary programs.

I would love to see the public school system go away. We pay property taxes in two states. This of course means we pay for public education in two states. We don't have kids going to school in either state, so that pisses me off.

Pay as you go? What a novel idea.




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Curious

My sitemeter has been quite busy the last few days, and not from the usual search hits. No, folks are being brought to my humble abode by looking for the following two pictures I posted months or even years ago:







What the hell is up with that?



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"in the disembowel"
Okay, that's just sick.




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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Stories Away From The Mainstream

Word from Iraq:
The following e-mail was sent by 1st Lt. Robert Grabowski of the U.S. Marine Corps to his mother Denise Grabowski in Jeannette. Robert, 25, grew up in Jeannette and has been training the Iraqi army since Thanksgiving 2006.
This may be a little sappy, but I just wanted to show a side of this war that you don't see on the news.

Today I was sitting and talking with an old Iraqi lieutenant colonel. He is very smart and speaks really good English, so sometimes I just stop by his office to shoot the breeze. Somehow we got on the topic of patriotism and what it takes to be dedicated to a cause.

He began describing to me how dangerous his home in Baghdad was. He told me that he couldn't even go outside his house without fearing for his life. He is raising a family in a city that is torn by war and his neighborhood is particularly dangerous, especially for an Iraqi army officer.

Then he went on to say that he was receiving death-threat text messages on his cell phone that basically said: "Quit the army or we will kill you."

The Iraqi colonel's response was one of the most amazing things that I've experienced so far over here. He said to me, "I don' t care if they kill me. I know that I am doing the right thing and I know I am a good man. If they kill me I know that God will be on my side and that is all that matters."

He went on to say the only thing he would be sad about if they kill him would be his family being without a husband/father. There were tears in his eyes. That is courage.

This country is full of people just like this colonel. There are privates in the Iraqi army who go without food, pay or a warm or dry place to sleep just to serve their country. Not to mention that death is around every corner for the average Iraqi soldier. All that the people of this country want is a peaceful home in which to raise a family, just like us. They are true patriots who deserve freedom and peace a hell of a lot more than half of the people in the U.S.

Don't let the media fool you. There are good people in this country.

Robert Grabowski
Iraq



I just thought you should know.



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NBA All Star Game

Yeah, you can take your NBA bullshit and slam-dunk it up your ass until you're elbow deep in your own shit.

I didn't watch it, didn't care to. And I do occasionally like to watch a game on the teeveee. But this shit wasn't no game. It was an excuse for losers to get together to see how much trouble they could cause.

Cops were told that no way were they getting the weekend off. Nope, got to have everyone either on duty or standing by, in case they were needed. And this is why:

Sociology 101: Las Vegas, the NBA and Its All-Star Game
[...]
The arrest total during All-Star Weekend has already far, far surpassed the New Years' period's number - and all the returns aren't in yet. Native and visitor alike are used to crowds and nasty traffic conditions during busy weekends; it's part of the landscape, given the burgeoning population, and the traffic capacities of vital motor-vehicle arteries in the vicinity of the Strip. But the market influx of Los Angeles- area NBA groupies and hangers-on for the weekend show brought a distinct gangsta flavor to the weekend environment - and a meaningful number of their local spiritual bretheren were only too happy to join in the festivities.
[...]
We haven't even touched on the multiple armed robberies and shootings, at rates far higher than normal. And we're not talking about the folks who happened to be in town for Chinese New Year. Those who out of some exaggerated sense of self did little but gawk, take up space and provoke trouble were not the caliber of individual Vegas would prefer to attract - especially when spending little or no money.
[...]
Las Vegas' industry is tourism. But if you only come here to buy overpriced tickets to some fucked up exhibition, and don't plan on spending money anywhere else in town, yet require the taxpayer's to clean up after your shit, then stay the fuck away. We don't need your sorry asses here.


And yeah. On the other side of the coin, what All-Star gig are you talking about? I heard there were some parties last weekend...

You sorry-ass rappers can stay the fuck away too.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Give me ur thoughts"
Okay, here's a thought for you: Go fuck yourself.



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Friday, February 16, 2007

'Average Joe'? Yup, With A Horse Cock

Porn star seeks fame with clothes on

By Richard Leong Thu Feb 15, 10:23 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Porn star Ron Jeremy wants to be taken seriously -- with his clothes on.
[...]
BWAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Yeah. That'll happen.




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Another Hat In The Ring?

I would rather see him there than Hitlary.
Oh, I guess they don't mean the U.S. presidential race.


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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Message subject"
Sorta fucked that one up, didn't you?
The only thing worse than an idiot spammer is a bad idiot spammer.



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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Quote Of The Day

Another one from Dick over here:
Has anybody in the Democratic Party noticed that Pelosi rhymes perfectly with traitorous cunt, and Murtha rhymes with chickenshit coward?
What? You mean they don't rhyme?
They should.
Gave me a giggle.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"fuck fuck fuck her"
Sounds sounds sounds like a plan to me.



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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Blogroll Housecleaning

Well, it's that time again. Time to do a little blogroll cleanup.

First up, we have an addition. Jim H. is back. For those of you not in the know, he used to post as Australopithicus_Africanus. Good reading then, but he sort of fizzled out.
Anyway, he's back. So if you get a minute, go take a look.

Now for a removal.
Natalie over at I Moved Your Cheese, Moron.
We had a spat, I pissed her off, she don't come around any more.
Now I don't think all educators are idiots. Far from it. I have a lot of respect for a many educators. Especially ones who have to work with children or teens.
But once you enter the realm of the "professional student", you enter the realm of dreamers and libtards who really have no concept of reality.
So I don't read that blog any more. May as well not have a link to it.


I guess that's it for now.



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Happy V.D. Everyone!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Though, I'm not quite sure of the correlation between buying a bunch of hearts and candy to celebrate the murder of a bunch of mobsters by another bunch of mobsters.

From History.com:
In Chicago, gunmen in the suspected employment of organized-crime boss Al Capone murder seven members of the George "Bugs" Moran North Siders gang in a garage on North Clark Street. The so-called St. Valentine's Day Massacre stirred a media storm centered on Capone and his illegal Prohibition-era activities and motivated federal authorities to redouble their efforts to find evidence incriminating enough to take him off the streets.
[...]
[+/-] The rest of the story...


Alphonse Capone was born in Brooklyn in 1899, the son of Italian immigrants from Naples. The fourth of nine children, he quit school after the sixth grade and joined a street gang. He became acquainted with Johnny Torrio, a crime boss who operated in Chicago and New York, and at the age of 18 Capone was employed at a Coney Island club owned by gangster Frankie Yale. It was while working there that his face was slashed in a brawl, earning him the nickname "Scarface."

In 1917, his girlfriend became pregnant and they married, and the couple moved with their son to Baltimore, where Capone attempted a respectable life working as a bookkeeper. In 1921, however, his old friend Johnny Torrio lured him to Chicago, where Torrio had built up an impressive crime syndicate and was beginning to make a fortune on the illicit commerce of alcohol, which was banned in 1919 by the 18th
Amendment to the Constitution.

Capone demonstrated considerable business acumen and was appointed manager of a Torrio speakeasy. Later, Torrio put him charge of the suburb of Cicero. Unlike his boss, who was always discreet, Capone achieved notoriety as he fought for control of Cicero and was even tried (unsuccessfully) for murder.

In 1925, Torrio was shot four times by Bugs Moran and Hymie Weiss, who were associates of a gangster slain by Torrio's men. Torrio lived, but four weeks later he appeared in court and was sentenced to nine months stemming from a police raid of a brewery he owned. About a month later, he called Capone from jail to tell him that he was retiring and handing the business over to him.

Capone moved his headquarters to the luxurious Metropole Hotel, where he became a visible figure in Chicago public life as his crime empire steadily expanded. After a prosecutor was killed by some of Capone's henchmen, the Chicago police moved aggressively against his criminal operations, but they couldn't make any charges stick. Capone bought a luxurious estate in Miami as a retreat from all this unwanted
attention.

Capone was in Florida in February 1929 when he gave the go-ahead for the assassination of Bugs Moran. On February 13, a bootlegger called Moran and offered to sell him a truckload of high quality whiskey at a low price. Moran took the bait and the next morning pulled up to the delivery location where he was to meet several associates and purchase the whisky. He was running a little late, and just as he was pulling up to the garage he saw what looked like two policemen and two detectives get out of an unmarked car and head to the door. Thinking he had nearly avoided being caught in a police raid, Moran drove off.
The four men, however, were Capone's assassins, and they were only entering the building before Moran's arrival because they had mistaken one of the seven men inside for the boss himself.

Wearing their stolen police uniforms and heavily armed, Capone's henchmen surprised Moran's men, who agreed to line up against the wall. Thinking they had fallen prey to a routine police raid, they allowed themselves to be disarmed. A moment later, they were gunned down in a hail of shotgun and submachine-gun fire. Six were killed instantly, and the seventh survived for less than an hour.

Americans were shocked and outraged by the cold-blooded Valentine's Day killings, and many questioned whether the sin of intemperance outweighed the evil of Prohibition-era gangsters like Capone.
Although, as usual, he had an air-tight alibi, few doubted his role in the massacre. The authorities, particularly affronted by the hit men's use of police uniforms, vowed to bring him to justice.

With a mandate from Herbert Hoover, the new president, the Treasury Department led the assault against Capone, hoping to uncover enough evidence of Prohibition offenses and federal income tax evasion to bring him to justice. In May 1929, Capone was convicted for carrying a concealed weapon and sent to prison for 10 months. Meanwhile, Treasury agents, like Eliot Ness, continued to gather evidence.

In June 1931, Capone was indicted for income tax evasion. On October 17, primarily on the basis of testimony by two former bookkeepers, he was found guilty on several counts. One week later, he was sentenced to 11 years in prison and $80,000 in fines and court costs. He entered Atlanta penitentiary in 1932 and in 1934 was transferred to the new Alcatraz Island prison in San Francisco Bay. By that time, Prohibition had been repealed, and Capone's empire had collapsed.

At Alcatraz, the syphilis Capone had contracted in his youth entered a late stage, and he spent his last year in prison in the hospital ward. In 1939, he was released after only six and a half years in jail as the result of good behavior and work credits. He was treated in a Baltimore hospital and in 1940 retired to his Miami estate, where he lived until his death in 1947. He was outlived by his rival Bugs Moran, who later died of lung cancer while serving a 10-year sentencein Kansas for bank robbery.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"To tofu"
Or not to tofu. That is the question.




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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Quote Of The Day

Here's another V.D. post for y'all.

I stumbled upon this quote at some random place:
"I won't be giving my heart this year, but I do have another throbbing organ you might be interested in."
Bwah!

Yeah, I know. Groan.




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Dimocrats

I stumbled upon this picture of the Democrat's stance on the implications of pulling out of the war in Iraq early, and just had to post it:







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Light My Fire

Ahh, the memories.

I was driving in to work this morning and Light My Fire came on the XM box.
I always chuckle a bit when it comes on as it reminds of a little incident that happened oh, 30 or so years ago.

My brother used to be in a band. He played keyboards in a little rock and roll garage band most of his high school years and a bit after graduation.
This band and another local band - who was their main competitor - played all the high school dances - proms, homecomings and various other socials, along with public appearances at various other venues around the valley.

They were around in the late 60's - early 70's and played mostly Top 40-type rock and roll for that era. Songs such as "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" by Iron Butterfly; "Suzie Q" and "Proud Mary" by Creedence; "The Pusher" and "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf; "D.O.A." by Bloodrock; and "Hello, I Love You" and of course, "Light My Fire" by The Doors.

I guess he was the one who had the most influence on my music, as far as liking rock music and such. I listened to his records when he wasn't around, (with his permission of course), I played his bands' instruments when they would leave them at the house between practices (with their permission? Not so much), and of course totally dug listening to their band at the dances they played for. I had bragging rights to my friends: "That's my brother on the keyboard up there...".
My friends and I also had an "in" with requests. They would usually play the songs we asked them for, which we all thought was pretty cool.

Now around this same time, we were family friends with the family responsible for cleaning and general maintenance of the church we attended. (Yes, I used to go to church. Shut up.)
This church was a rather large church. It could easily hold 2 or 3 thousand people. If that family left town for a vacation or somesuch, we would take care of the church for them. This was a job I sorely despised, but one of those things you do for friends. And some facets of the job were cool. We had access to all the places most people don't.

The furnace room for instance (Hey, when you're a young kid, that sort of machinery is fascinating!), the tower (roughly 120 feet high), and the organ/sound system. (Hmmm. Brother plays keyboards in a band, and there's a huge church organ here. What could he be leading up to?). Since it was a rather large church, all the support equipment was rather sizey for a regular old church.

Well, one day we're doing the regular stuff there. My mother and I were in the gymnasium doing some puttering, Dad was down in the basement doing furnace stuff, and my brother was in the chapel doing some work.
All of a sudden, we hear the organ fire up. Of course my mother - a veeeeeery religious person - was thinking bro' was going to ease into some hymns we could listen to whilst doing our chores.
Oh, no. Not even close. He had cranked the organ up about half volume, which is way sufficient for an empty chapel, and started belting out the keyboard portion of "Light My Fire".

OH DEAR! The sinfulness! The sacrelidge! The blasphemy!
My mothers dentures damn near flew out of her mouth as she ran into the chapel screaming at the top of her lungs for him to stop playing that heathen-ness on the church organ! "IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THE ORGAN, PLAY SOME HYMNS OR SOMETHING WORTHY OF BEING PLAYED IN GOD'S HOUSE!!!"

Well, I was laughing my ass off, dad emerged from the basement wondering what the hell was going on, and my long-haired, hippy-looking bro' had a shit-eating grin on his face as he quietly shut the organ off, closed the top, and slithered off the bench to go on about his duties.

To this day, any time I hear that song, I see that image and give myself a good chuckle.


Just thought you should know.





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Heartbreaking overcome"
Say what?



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Monday, February 12, 2007

Another V.D. Post

What the hell. I'm lazy, so here is a repeat of last years Valetine's Day post:

It's almost valentine's day everyone! So get an early start and make your own Valentine candies!!!

Here are my contributions:
Image hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by Photobucket
Image hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by Photobucket


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A Picture Is Worth At Least A Thousand Words, If Not More...

I could probably come up with a thousand words or more, but I won't bother.

Suffice it to say, the comparison the media is making between Anna Nicole and Marilyn Monroe is just pathetic. There is no comparison.

Norma Jean was a beautiful and talented actress.

Anna Nicole was a horse-faced, fake-big-titted slut who never did anything except get nekkud for a Playboy spread, then marry into money. Past that, she did nothing but make public appearances a'la Paris Hilton, before or after getting bombed out of her fucking mind a'la Courtney Love.

This little pic I stumbled upon sums her up quite nicely:





No, she couldn't hold a candle in the wind to Marilyn.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"It potatoe-pie warmed up"
I was wondering what it was.



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Friday, February 09, 2007

Quote Of The Day

Lifted from Death's Door
"I walked in and there was Mr. Heavy Metal trying his damnedest to start a friction fire with this eight ball chick.

I know, what’s an eight ball chick? Well, I’ll tell ya. In the metal bars back in the day you had women who insisted on wearing black spandex all the time. No big deal, except that these girls were big, so big and round that the spandex never fit right and they always had this big strip of pale white tummy showing. So from a distance they looked like big ole eight balls, get it? "
BWAH!!
I even snorted a little.




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Big Brother, Big Sister

As a sort of follow-up to this post, just to show you how do-gooder, overprotective, nanny-state governments can be, here is a list of things banned in New York in 2006:
WHATEVER IT IS, THEY'RE AGAINST IT
  • Trans-fats.
  • Aluminum baseball bats.
  • The purchase of tobacco by 18- to 20-year-olds.
  • Foie gras.
  • Pedicabs in parks.
  • New fast-food restaurants (but only in poor neighborhoods).
  • Lobbyists from the floor of council chambers.
  • Lobbying city agencies after working at the same agency.
  • Vehicles in Central and Prospect parks.
  • Cell phones in upscale restaurants.
  • Cell phones in schools
  • The sale of pork products made in a processing plant in Tar Heel, N.C., because of a unionization dispute.
  • Mail-order pharmaceutical plans.
  • Candy or fruit flavored cigarettes.
  • Gas-station operators adjusting prices more than once daily.
  • Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus.
  • Wal-Mart.
A quick Google turned up a bunch of other shit they've banned, but I don't know the year:
  • All personal decorations in firefighters' lockers
  • Lead sinkers for fishing
  • Outside underpants (This includes tights for a Halloween costume)
  • Sweetened drinks - including juices
  • Smoking
  • Pokemon
  • Extreme fighting
  • Christmas beers
  • Assorted snakes and reptiles
Other shit they're trying to get banned:
  • Pitbulls
  • Ferrets
  • Photography on buses
  • And of course, Guns
I gave up after a couple pages, but the list of course, goes on.

All I can say is they let it happen. The people they elected to represent, two of the U.S. Presidential candidate possibilties [cough] Giuliani, Hillary [cough] are doing quite the swell job in their state. Remember that when it comes election 2008 time.

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." -Samuel Adams.


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Spam Subject Of The Day

BWAAAAAAH!!!!
You get the 'from' and 'subject' today:
From: "Bed Rover Bed Rover"
Subject: "Send: Free Hot Singles Right Over"
I don't care who ya' are. Thas' funny.




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Thursday, February 08, 2007

It Must Run In The Family


Anna Nicole Smith dead
[...]
Seminole tribal fire rescue and Hollywood fire rescue workers tried to revive her at her hotel, said Michael Bloom, president of the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida.

She was taken to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood at 2:10 p.m. and died there, police said.
[...]





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"I tole yyoufu - nnnnn - youfuckers I-I nnnn Iwasnnnn, Iwasnnnn, I wasnn't feelunshogood."


Seriously though, hmmm. We all know she was a drunk. Most likely ate every chemical available too. My guess is she partied too hard, and overdid it.

But then again, maybe her late husband's family got tired of her shit:

"Marshall [her late husband] died the following year and Smith spent much of the following decade battling members of his family over his estate. In May 2006 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Smith could pursue her case in federal court."


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More Big Sister

New York may ban iPods while crossing street

Wed Feb 7, 11:53 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New Yorkers who blithely cross the street listening to an iPod or talking on a cell phone could soon face a $100 fine.
[...]
So New York is fast becoming the east coast's California, trying to legislate stupidity clean out of the equation.

Look. If you're that stupid, and you go ahead a walk out into to traffic without doing like mama told you and looking both ways first, There's a Darwin award with your name all over it.

Just what we need. More fucking big brother.
Or as in Hillary's state, more big sister.




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Valentine's Is Almost Here

Yes, another one of those "Hallmark Hollidays".
You know, the hollidays specially created by companies just to convince us we need their shit. Otherwise, we'll either be ignoring or letting the ones we love down.

I'm not sure what - wait a minute, I take that back. I do know what I'll be getting Mrs. Curmudgeon for V.D. this year. It is definitely something she would like to have and will appreciate very much. But rest assured, it won't be anything as extravagant as some companies feel I should be getting. Especially with its 3000% markup. (No, I am not making that number up.)







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Quote Of The Day

I'm sure by now, you're all familiar with the story of the psychotic, diaper-wearing, BB gun armed, rubber hose packing, crazed, jealous lover who took off driving 900-odd miles to meet her competition.

In re: I stumbled upon this quote over at Big Dick's Place:
It looks like there's a new Gold standard of total retardedness set for all of you crazy broads, as it's now been verified by the good folks at Guinness Books.
Just in case you didn't know, the earlier record for driving across the country while wearing a diaper and packing heat in the form of a Red Ryder BB gun was held by one of my former girlfriends, who had gone a total of 838 miles, and was finally apprehended when her '73 Plymouth Fury ran out of gas.

Hey, is it just me or has anybody else noticed that the NASA Space Program never had these kinds of issues when it was only men?
That email address is bigdicksplace@yahoo.com
And just so ya know, cheerleading isn't really a sport, so you can stop pretending that it is.
Good gawdamighty. Coke; meet screen.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"No is eighth"
So what is 'Yes' then?



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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

More Big Brother

Just what we need:
Laying the groundwork for a national database of illegal images

Senator John McCain is expected to introduce a bill that would require ISPs and perhaps some Web sites to alert the government of any illegal images of real or "cartoon" minors. Failure to report these images would result in criminal penalties, including fines of up to $300,000. The proposal is expected to lays the groundwork for a national database of illegal images.
Hmm. Wonder what that will cost us taxpayers?
Will it work? No.
-Where do you draw the line between what is legal and what ain't? A statue of a cherub certainly isn't a statue of an adult. A picture of the statue of the little boy pissing in the fountain - is that another pr0n0graphic image? Naw. Well, maybe of you're that sick you get off on that shit. As for me, naw. I think of it more along the lines of art.

Will it help? No.
-Who is going to actually admit they have illegal images on their site? Yup - no one. They ay just go ahead and remove what they think is naughty, but keep them there as a reference? Naw.

Another stupid waste of money for another idiotic 'feel good' politician looking for votes.

Hey McCain, here's an idea. You represent Arizona, right? How about you start figgering out a way to keep all the fucking illegals from crossing your border and coming up here to NV for me, will ya'?




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The Result Are In [sic] And The Ax Is Swingin'

The ever so kind and gracious girls over at here like to review blogs, so I figgered I would let them review this one.

I would link the actual post, but their shit doesn't seem to work right, or allow you to do that. So just go there and scroll down if you want to read the full review.

Meh, fuck it. I'll post the whole review:

Curmudgeonisms

Up next for the slaughter is Curmudgeonisms

Oh Dave from Hooterville, Nevada. You old curmudgeon.

Or are you?

Curmudgeon: sourpuss, bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous, bitter, full of resentment, stubborn.

I was having a hell of a time figuring out just who you are. Are you a 70-year old man who thought he'd start a blog because no one in his family listens to what he has to say? Or, are you a 17 year old smartass with severe acne and no girlfriend to call your own, so you started a blog?

Turns out, as I read further-- he's around 46-47 years old. (Born in 1960, so it could go either way.) Here's a typical rundown of his posts from the last few months (try and keep up):

One liner
You Tube
One Liner
Joke that someone forwarded to him
Google search results
One liner
Good post
Spam of the day
One liner
Another joke someone sent him
google search results
Spam of the day
You Tube
Fuck Off Friday

yeah, thats pretty much it. A couple commenters per post, but from the looks of it, its mostly all the same people. But with all those visitors, he feels the need to have not one-- but THREE sitemeters??-- what exactly are we tracking here?

Not much to report about the template. Grey background, not much color. But this blog maybe isn't supposed to be a personal blog, is it? It's not like he tells anything about his life, at least not from what I have seen. Mostly just random outbursts every so often when he feels like it. I guess if I had to picture an old curmudgeon, I suppose bird shit grey would be the first thing to come to mind, am I right?

Sidebar? - Here goes. Hold on to your panties, ladies. This is going to be a bumpy ride. It starts out half the time by opening way at the bottom of his page. Probably because its weighted the hell down by all the junk he's got in it. Here's a peek:


Click my logo to get Dave's Bar & Garage Gear
Moon phases (WTF? What are those?)
Visitor map - Yes, i can see the red dot placed strategically where I am from!
Daily Day by Day
some cartoon shit

More ads
Links
All kinds of other wacky shit


Archives are a mess - again, blogging since November 2004, and again, another blog that feels the need to list every single fucking month on his sidebar. What's worse, he has them listed as "01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007" instead of just saying "JANUARY 2007." Puh-leeze.

His "Blogs Worth a Read" include about a gazillion blogs, and some pretty damn good ones. You might actually find some worth reading on a regular basis. But the list goes on and on, with no fucking end in sight. At least have it scrolling, or something so it takes up less space if you don't want to roll it up or hide it altogether.

The home page includes about 40+ posts-- all on the first page! I actually stopped counting at 45, so I could be wrong-- maybe there's MORE. Is that why this guy has a sidebar so fucking long? He wants it to be the same length as his posts?

Would I Return? Um, no. Probably not. Most of the jokes he posts are ones I've had forwarded to me a million times already by fuckwads that have nothing better to do than sit their fat-ass in front of their computer and forward shit. And the only thing he's writing himself is usually only one or two sentences per post. Everything else is copied from somewhere else.

(edited to add: hardy-fucking-har, before all of you haters blast me with comments about THAT comment, I'll go ahead and say it myself, to save you all some time. "Isn't that the fucking pot calling the kettle black?" Dur-hur-hur, really, you guys are hilarious.)

I was going to give this one a rating of 2, but I was feeling nice. So I'm adding a bonus for his disclaimer at the bottom of his site, which made me literally snort with laughter when I read it. So much so, that I think I killed the last few brain cells I have allocated for this week.

Here's his disclaimer:


All opinions expressed on this weblog are those of the author.
The author's opinions do not represent those of his employers, friends, or relations, unless posted by them personally.
Presentation of content never will imply endorsement unless specifically stated as such.
All contents copyright ME ("curmudgeon") 2004-2005, all rights reserved everywhere, with the exception of original material not created by me which is copyrighted and property of the author.
Void where prohibited.
Batteries not included.
Use only as directed.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
This is neither an offer to sell nor an offer to buy.
Apply only to affected area.
May be too intense for some viewers.
For recreational use only.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Subject to change without notice.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
For off-road use only.
One size fits all.
Colors may, in time, fade.

...there's more. Go check it out for yourself. It's actually good!

So, I'll go ahead and give this a 3 out of 10.

Thanks for letting us review your blog.

BWAH!!! They hate me! Or rather, my blog.
I feel so, so, inferior. So hurt. So sloppy with all my extra 'rolls, dates, site meters, useless shit, forwarded emails, mundane posts, ...
You name it. If it sucks, it's here. But that's always sorta been my mantra: "If it sucks, post it!"

So you all keep coming back, why exactly? Thanks anyway ;) .

So yeah, I know. I settle for some of the default blooogger settings instead of making my template all purdy'd up and classy.

I don't spend money on my own host or pay someone to do art and templates for me. I'm a cheap bastard that way.
And I really ain't interested in making my own art and templates. I'm a lazy bastard that way.

I list the dates for MY OWN sake, so I can go find something when I want it. No one reads archives anyway, so feel free to ignore the looooooooooooooong list of dates.

I have three site meters because, well, I was testing a few different ones and neglected to get rid of the ones I don't like. Which incidentally, I don't even use. I actually prefer Analytics.

But whatever. I think they gave their honest review. Not that their opinion really matters any more than any other blogger who gives me their opinion.

If I was trying for a Pulitzer or something, I may be insulted. But as it is, I'm in it for the entertainment value. If I happen to entertain a passer-by, so much the better.
If not, feel free to leave and never come back.

Just don't expect any real content, and you won't be disappointed. Deal? Deal.


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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Sabrina told me to email you"
Hmm. Don't know no Sabrina.
Well, wait a minute. Back in high school I knew this girl named Sabrina. Yeah! Maybe that's her!
I dated her little sister. Hmm. I really liked that girl too. She was HOT!.
Dizzy bitch though. Got knocked up by some other dude and married him. He used to slap her around on a regular basis.
Oh well. Hope she's happy.


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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Funny

Via email.
Okay, it's rather sick. Don't blame me, I didn't write it. I only copied it:
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard, was she pretty?"

"Dunno . . . Never found the head!"





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"some primacy a preparative may warmonger"
Sense, you lot make of don't.



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Monday, February 05, 2007

Da Bears - Lost

Bummer.
But at least THEY got to go to the big dance.

How they got there is beyond me, but they were there nonetheless.
And just wait until next year...


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Spam Subject Of The Day

"I'll be your man"
Uuummm, no thanks. This gate don't swing that way.




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Friday, February 02, 2007

A Funny

Via email:
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."




Quote Of The Day

From a techie software site:
BeerWare:
"If our work saved you some hassle, feel free to pay us a beer when you meet one of us at any conference...

Kind regards,
(Name of company here)"
Now that's a licensing fee I can afford.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Don't Damage Your Penis With Scams"
You mean like this one?




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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Oops!

This gave me quite a snort when I saw it:






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Olfactory Overload

Mark and Freddie sort of tag-teamed a couple posts that upon reading, really brought back some memories. And some not very good ones at that.

They got to talking about odiferous aromas, and it started me thinking what the worst smell I ever encountered was, and the first thing which came to mind - which I threw in the comment box - was the rank smell of accumulated pig shit.

The pig farm...

Now I grew up in a farm community and was around cows, horses and sheep a good portion of my young life. I helped out on some farms to earn pocket change which at times required walking, or even driving a tractor at feeding time through many a barnyard where animals such as cows, horses or sheep were corralled.
I also used to work as a maintenance guy at the county fairgrounds where I would have to shovel animal shit from the livestock pens after the county fair, or any of the many livestock shows or auctions, into a manure spreader to use for fertilizer in the fields.

But I had some distant cousins we would occasionally visit, and their house was quite near a pig farm. Now that was - for a few years anyway - the worst smell I had ever encountered.
Even worse than maggot filled dog shit in the back yard in the middle of a Las Vegas desert summer day.
We would be out and about doing what boys do when they're out and about. We made sure to hasten past the pig pens or avoid them all together. The stench was quite the deterrent.


Then there was the city dump...

I was helping a buddy of mine take some things to the dump. We ended parking to unload the trash fairly near an automobile sized pile of some sort of gray colored mass that the devil himself must have squat and shat.

With runny eyes, I turned to my then buddy and stated something like "What in THE fuck is that stench?!?!? Let's get this shit outta the truck and get the hell outta here STAT!!"
He said he had asked one of the dump 'caretakers' once that stuff was. He was told it was sludge from the sewer treatment plant which was unable to be processed. You know, shit, mud, used kotexes, rubbers, cigarette butts, chunks of food from the garbage disposals from the many hotels and food service joints in the city, and whatever the hell else people would flush down the toilet that wasn't able to rot and be returned to the ecosystem.
Take my word for it. Rotted garbage disposal leftovers and sewage is not something you want to linger near for more than about, well. Never if you can help it.


Then there was the freezer...

I was visiting my mother one day who was in town staying at my my sisters' house. She asked me if there was something I could do about the terrible smell in the house.
Upon inquiry, the smell was apparently coming from the freezer in the laundry area, which was not actually in the house, but in a small room which had been walled off from the garage. Therefore, not really in the house, but more like in the (un-air-conditioned) garage.
Why was there a smell coming from the freezer? Because my stupid fucking niece - thinking she needed to listen to a radio whilst catching some rays - unplugged the freezer full of meat to have a place to plug her radio into. Now obviously, since she was outside catching some rays, it was the middle of summer. And in case you didn't know, I live near Las Vegas. Which is the middle of the desert. Which in the summer, is very hot.
Now granted, a freezer will stay cold inside for quite a spell without being plugged in while niece catches some rays, or if it just up and loses power. But not in Las Vegas, in the summer, after being unplugged for several days.

I donned the gloves and rounded up some garbage bags and a shovel, with the intention of removing the spoiled meat and cleaning out the freezer. Upon opening the door though, I had to jump back to avoid the flood of rotted flesh, rotted blood, assorted rivulets of rotted slime, maggots and cockroaches that was pouring out of the freezer.
Oh, and let us not forget what brought us to this point in the first place: The stench.


Now I've smelled the feed lot down by Mark's house, I've smelled the pig shit down by the cousins' house, I've smelled the sewage at the city dump, I've smelled the livestock pens after three days of county fair, and I've smelled the outhouses at the campground. But I'm here to tell you, a couple hundred pounds of animal flesh rotting in a freezer for several days in the Nevada desert is enough to knock the balls off a pool table.

Sooooooo, I said "Forget it, I ain't touching that thing" and called some junk guy to come and haul it off.

THAT has to be the worst smell I've ever encountered, and by the grace of Allah, I will never encounter that aroma again.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Tide or Cheer. It matters"
Not to me it don't.




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