"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Echoes From The Past

Hello... Hello... Hello... Hello... Hello...

Yup, it's started, again:

"If McCain gets in, it's going to be very, very dangerous," she [Susan Sarandon] says.

"It's a critical time, but I have faith in the American people. If they prove me wrong, I'll be checking out a move to Italy. Maybe Canada, I don't know. We're at an abyss."
It's a valiant try by Ms. Sarandon, but the voters are unlikely to be fooled. We'll never know how many cast votes for George Bush in 2004, anticipating that Alec Baldwin, Robert Redford, Janeane Garofalo, Michael Moore, and many others would pack up and move to Canada. Alas, they failed to hold up their end of the deal.

Tell me Ms. Sarandon: how do I know that if I vote for John McCain, you'll keep your promise?
Very reminiscent of the Bush v. Kerry elections, no?

Via The Weekly Standard:

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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I am a young, bisexual, Catholic woman in a heterosexual relationship. However, I have never been particularly attracted to men. I don't want to have sex before marriage, but I'm terrified I'll get married and only then find out that I am not at all sexually interested in my husband. Is there any way to preserve my virginity and also experiment with the different elements of my sexuality?

--- TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT
Dear dumbshit. So you're a slut at heart, but just ain't fucked no one yet. Well bully for you.

You think you may want the sweet taste of pussy, or maybe take on a throbbing cock, or maybe even both but don't know which or whose? What's the problem? Go to the grocery store and buy yourself a fresh trout, spread it open and start licking. See if you like it. Then go buy yourself a dildo and a box of batteries, poke that around a while - not too far now, don't want to pop the cherry - and see if you like that any better.

Hey! I know! Rub the trout on the dildo, suck on that a bit, and get the best of both worlds! Get the taste of some real second-hand action!

Fucking moron. I can't believe some of the stupid questions people want me to answer.


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BWAH!!!

Man accused of spraying woman's shoes with water

Thu May 29, 6:19 PM ET

CINCINNATI - A woman told Cincinnati police that she heard a noise and then felt something cold on her feet. Police said a man crawled under a table at a University of Cincinnati library and used a syringe to spray saltwater onto the woman's shoes.
ADVERTISEMENT

Dwight Pannell, 43, of Columbus, was booked on charges of voyeurism, assault and criminal trespass, court records show.

Pannell was silent in court a court appearance on Thursday. His attorney argued that Pannell's alleged actions didn't warrant the charges against him.

The woman told officers that after she heard something coming from under her table and felt the sensation on her feet, she looked down and saw a man on his knee holding a syringe.

The judge set Pannell's bond at $75,000.
What in the holy hell was this idiot doing that shit for? Other than he's a nut. I mean, just look at his picture:




Good gawd-a-mighty.




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Ain't Technology Wonderful? - Again

Japanese scientists create microscopic noodle bowl

AP - Thu May 29, 3:22 PM ET

TOKYO - Japanese scientists say they have used cutting-edge technology to create a noodle bowl so small it can be seen only through a microscope.
[...]
Swell.

Why?



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RIP

Comic powerhouse Harvey Korman dies at 81

AP - Thu May 29, 10:03 PM ET

LOS ANGELES - Harvey Korman, the tall, versatile comedian who won four Emmys for his outrageously funny contributions to "The Carol Burnett Show" and played a conniving politician to hilarious effect in "Blazing Saddles," died Thursday. He was 81.
[...]
Bummer. For the most part, I thought he was an obnoxious fuck, but I did like him in Blazing Saddles.

Oh well. I guess he paid his dues.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"what a stupid face you have here [my name]"
Again I say, that ain't no way to win me over.



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Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Don't Care Who Y'are...

Tha's funny:

Nude maid accused of really cleaning up

Wed May 28, 10:38 PM ET

TAMPA, Fla. - A nude maid is accused of really cleaning up at a Florida man's home. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said a 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his Tampa home.
[...]
Now on the surface, the poor bastard got shafted by the maid, no doubt. But it gets better:
When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.
BWAAAAHHHH!!! "Look honey, I had someone clean the house so it would be all spic and span when you got home!"

"Nice. Thank you dear! But...where's my jewelry?"

"Uh, the real question is, where did she hide it?"


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Ain't Technology Wonderful?


Tenn. woman who spent life in iron lung dies at 61

By WOODY BAIRD, Associated Press Writer Thu May 29, 1:35 AM ET

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - A woman who defied medical odds and spent nearly 60 years in an iron lung after being diagnosed with polio as a child died Wednesday after a power failure shut down the machine that kept her breathing, her family said.
ADVERTISEMENT

Dianne Odell, 61, had been confined to the 7-foot-long metal tube since she was stricken by polio at 3 years old.
[...]
Now I don't usually wish death on anyone, with the exception of some politicians, ambulance chasers, psychos, and a handful of other people who just piss me off. But I can't imagine living this life.



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From The "Who Gives A Fuck" Files

Speaking of fags:
Rowling offers glimpse into Harry prequel
Wed May 28, 9:01 PM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - The secret of what happened before boy wizard Harry Potter went to Hogwarts will be revealed through the unusual channel of a charity auction next month.
[...]
Lessee now. Didn't he turn into a cocksucker in the last episode?
Maybe Rowling will come up with some bogus bullshit about how he was forced to play with his father's "wand" or some shit as a small child.

However, big fucking deal. It's a fiction story people. Get a life.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"error"
Damn tootin'.



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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Faggotry

California court to hear lesbian insemination case

By LISA LEFF, Associated Press Writer Wed May 28, 3:41 AM ET

SAN FRANCISCO - Guadalupe Benitez claims that after being treated with fertility drugs for nearly a year, her Christian doctors refused to inseminate her because she is a lesbian.

She sued and a San Diego County trial judge sided with her. But an appeals court reversed the ruling, and her lawsuit is scheduled to be heard by the California Supreme Court this week.
[...]
See, that's the biggest issue with this fags getting married and / or raising families business. Besides being physically and morally wrong. There's the separation of church and state thing.

This is not a health or medical issue, this is a pure elective two mommies thing. It goes against the beliefs of Christian doctors to do non-Christian practices such as this, so the law of the land gets called into action.
Along the same lines, it goes against the beliefs of Christian preachers to perform marriages for fags, so what's next? The preachers get sued by the people and are either forced to marry these heathens or face the consequences of the law.

People are designed differently for a reason: For procreation. And marriage has been a union created for establishing a family for eons. To taint it by dragging shit like this through the court system takes away any seriousness or solemness by which this institution was originally conceived.

Why not just start marrying your fucking dog, your elm tree, your lawn tractor, whatever the hell you think you want to live with?

If people want someone to be entitled to benefits or perks that spouses are privy to, maybe a different sort of binding commitment should be invented, sort of like a beneficiary on your insurance. But marriage? That's just stupid. And getting yourself knocked up so the poor little bastard gets to grow up in an abnormal, dysfunctional household is even stupider.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"what a stupid face you have here [my name]"
Yeah? Well fuck you. That's no way to win my business.



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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"Red or blue"
Red. Definitely. My favorite color.




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Friday, May 23, 2008

Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I am a 26-year-old woman in a loving relationship with my fiance. There have been a lot of changes in my life recently, what with graduating college and looking forward to dental school in June. And ... we just found out I am pregnant. To further complicate things, I have had problems with my parents my whole life, and now they have given me their "condolences" about the pregnancy and are treating me like a teenage mother, urging me to get married as soon as possible. When I stopped by their home to get something, I heard my mother on the phone saying, "Well, I'm just ashamed that she has turned out to be so low class." They told one of their friends, and he subsequently called to give his condolences and to tell me that I needed to get married sooner rather than later. I don't have the energy to look for a house, go to work and plan a wedding. I really want to continue with our plan to get married in the summer. I want to be understanding of their position, but I would really appreciate loving support rather than mourning. Any advice for a capable woman in a loving relationship who feels abandoned by her family?

--- WENDY
Well now, WENDY. A fucking dentist? I hate dentists. They suck. They are a necessary evil, but good gawd. What a racket.

I mean, $1,400 for a fucking crown? And my insurance sucks. They pay about half, up to a certain amount, then I'm on my own. Fucking crooks.

You sure you don't want to go to school for something a little more ethical? Like maybe "How To Join The Mob - 101"? They ain't any bigger crooks than dentists are.

Oh, that's right. You're knocked up. Way to go there. May not be too good of an example for your youngin' to have his or her mommy being a gangster and shit.

It might make your mother proud though, you having all that money. Buy her a new house and car, maybe a nice mink stole and a Rolex. That would shut her gawd-damn trap, eh? Even if you don't sign on with the mob and keep pursuing that dentist shit, you could still buy her plenty of shit and shut her up.

And what about the dude you've been fucking? He got any money or is he just some loser hanging on your coattails? Maybe he ought to go out and buy mother some shit. She may not badmouth you so much if her mouth was full of caviar and Dom Pérignon.

Well, it's up to you kiddo. In the meantime though, you ever heard of a rubber? It's one of those things you wrap around your boyfriends' cock so you don't end up in situations like this. Dumb ass.



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Get A Haricut And Get A Real Job

So, about those goofy-ass polygs down Texas way.

Forget for now that they're a self-contained and isolated community consisting of dirty old men and insecure women. Forget their doctrine supports prearranged marriages to barely pubescent girls. Forget that they of course, have more than one wife. Forget that they thrive on another version of Stockholm Syndrome, never allowing their offspring any other life than what the 'elders' arrange for them.

Forget all that, and take a look at their fucking hairdos!

Good gawd-a-mighty. Not only do they get their clothes and material from the same bolt of cloth and the same pattern (yes, they'll make their own dresses), they obviously all have the same barber. And on top of that [pun?], their barber is either Elvis crazy or maybe an astute fan of Johnny Bravo. Maybe both?

Take a look at this shit:















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Spam Subject of the Day

" Hottest college chick at your disposal"
Suweeeet.

I have some laundry I need washed, some shirts needing ironing, and supper needing to be cooked. What are you waiting for? CHOP-CHOP!!



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Thursday, May 22, 2008

I'm Rich!


My blog is worth $3,387.24.
How much is your blog worth?



WOOHOO! I can get more for the blog that I did from the bogus "Economic Stimulus Package"!

Now who wants to buy it?


Yoohoo...
[chirp]




Speak up...




Don't be shy...



You - there in the back.
Yeah, you. Gimme half?
[chirp]




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McHitlaBama

Via email:


John McCain, Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama were walking down a Washington DC street when they came upon a homeless man.

John McCain gave the man his business card and told him to come by his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the man.

Hillary was very impressed so that when they came upon another homeless man she too decided to help. She walked over to him and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into John McCain's pocket and took out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the poor man $5.

When they came upon yet another homeless man, Obama told him to "have hope...change is coming" and gave him nothing.

Now do you understand the difference?





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Just So You Know

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!!!


David Cook wins 'American Idol' by 12 million votes

AP - 2 hours, 35 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES - The grown-up rocker triumphed over the smooth-voiced kid as David Cook claimed the "American Idol" title Wednesday, and it wasn't as much of a surprise as it seemed.
[...]


Good gawd. Will this shit ever fucking end?


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Spam Subject of the Day

"The bigger it is the better"
You know, I've always thought that way about pay raises.



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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Quick Question

What would you do for a Klondike bar?



Leave your answer in the comments please. Or send it to my email. Either way.



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Oooohh, Doody

Obama moves closer to presidential nomination

1 hour, 38 minutes ago

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Barack Obama passed a major milestone to move within reach of the Democratic presidential nomination on Tuesday but rival Hillary Clinton refused to surrender.
[...]
[emphasis mine]

Go figger. She refuses to surrender. Well no shit! She's a lying, cheating, conniving democrapper. Don't be a bit surprised when she heads to the supreme court demanding a recount.

Either that or she'll start sobbing like a two year-old who dropped their freshly licked sucker in the dirt.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"It's driller time!"
Good gawd.



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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

All In The Family

Indian village proud after double "honor killing"

BALLA, India (Reuters) - Five armed men burst into the small room and courtyard at dawn, just as 21-year-old, 22-week pregnant, Sunita was drying her face on a towel.

They punched and kicked her stomach as she called out for her sleeping boyfriend "Jassa", 22-year-old Jasbir Singh, witnesses said. When he woke, both were dragged into waiting cars, driven away and strangled.

Their bodies, half-stripped, were laid out on the dirt outside Sunita's father's house for all to see, a sign that the family's "honor" had been restored by her cold-blooded murder.
[...]



Sunita's father Om Prakash has confessed to murdering his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, police told Reuters. An uncle and two cousins were among four others arrested.
And American companies continue to outsource jobs to these backward-assed motherfuckers when instead they should all be annihilated.

The one good thing that came out of this is that the baby she was carrying won't grow up to be just like them.


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Oopsy-Daisy

Four Philadelphia police fired over filmed beating
Mon May 19, 4:23 PM ET

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Four Philadelphia police officers were fired and four others demoted or suspended after a video showed them beating three suspects after a drug-related shooting, the city's police chief said on Monday.
[...]
Now on the one hand, serves the dumb-ass criminals right for shooting at people and running from the law. I'm glad they got the shit beat out of themselves.

On the other hand, in this day and age of cops getting flack for beating the sense out suspects, and especially with the proliferation of dashcams in cop cars, teevee news crews in helicopters, cameras on lamp posts and businesses, you would think they would be a bit more careful as to who and where they perform their shit kicking.

But then, I wasn't there. I don't know all the details.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Screws in the links, not pins."
What the fuck are you talking about?



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Monday, May 19, 2008

So Much For The Veep Job

Kennedy awaiting test results at Boston hospital

AP - Sun May 18, 8:53 PM ET

BOSTON - Massachusetts Sen. Edward Kennedy remained in the hospital Sunday, awaiting test results that could explain why the 76-year-old Democrat suffered a seizure a day earlier.
[...]
We always knew this fucker was brain damaged.

Maybe he'll spare the opressed citizens of Massachusetts any more grief and quit.



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A Funny

At the bar ... She turns to him and says: ...

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, ''No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'






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Spam Subject of the Day

"A home run in her mouth"
BWAAAHHHH!!!



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Thursday, May 15, 2008

Oblama-bama-bo-bama

So I guess we know why Oblama is so far ahead with the delegate count. It seems he is counting delegates from 60 states rather than just the constriction of 50 that Hitlary is working with. Seems like quite an advantage, no?

[...]
"It is wonderful to be back in Oregon," Obama said. "Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it."
[...]
57 states, with one left to go. Then add Alaska and Hawaii, gee whiz. Our country is growing at an alarming rate!


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BWAH!!!



Good gawd. I'll definitely be glad when this festering, puss-filled cyst of a politician finally just says "Fuck it. It's over."



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Saturday Morning Coming Down

Anyone out there a fan of Bugs Bunny? How about The Roadrunner?

I used to get up every Saturday morning and watch the Bugs Bunny/Roadrunner hour. In fact, since the advent of Nickelodeon, I would still watch that silly shit every chance I got. Marvin the Martian and Michigan J. Frog are my all-time favorites, but there are only few of those. But I still like most of the "old-school" cartoons.

Yeah, I know. Grow the fuck up already.
Shut up.

So anyway, Warner Brothers released a bunch of "Looney Tunes" on DVD, and I have added a couple of those box sets to my limited DVD collection. I watch them on occasion, usually Saturday mornings - and still get a good chuckle out of those.

Where is all this leading? Well, check this shit out:That is COOL I tell you!

Remember the episode with the "Earthquake Pills"?


How about the "Do it yourself tornado kit"?


Or the "Jet Motor"?


Crack me the hell up, they do.

Go check out some of the other stuff, if you're in the mood for a little reminiscing.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Two NIGHTS in vegas on us"
Sweet. And I'll continue to live here the other 363.



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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

When all else fails, play the race card:
‘Curious’ shirt choice

The Curious George cartoon character is getting dragged into the presidential race again in an ugly way - and Boston’s WGBH-TV isn’t happy.

A Georgia tavern owner has been selling T-shirts showing the cartoon monkey happily eating a banana with the words “Obama in ’08” written underneath.


[...]
Uh, let me get this straight. This picture is okay:


As is this one:


Not to mention this one:



But, this one isn't:


Hey folks! I got a announcemunt!!! Obama-rama-fo-fama is in the public eye! he's going to get made fun of. Fucking deal with it and stop yer bitchin'.
If - Fucking IF - that sorry-assed motherfucker does get elected to the office of - ugh, dare I even put these words in print - President of the United States of America, this is only the tip of the shit flinging iceberg, for hell's sake.

Grow the fuck up.



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Priorities

Australian fined for buckling in beer, not child
AP - Tue May 13, 2:57 PM ET

DARWIN, Australia - An Australian man has been fined after buckling in a case of beer with a seat belt but leaving a 5-year-old child to sit on the car's floor, police said Tuesday.
[...]
Another one of these stories? You would think the last Aussie to get busted would have spread the word a little more.

Oh well. Should he have gotten in a wreck, the beer would have been safe. Kids' injuries will heal. Beer busts open and it spills all over the place.



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About Fucking Time

High oil prices rekindle oil production in Mo.
AP - Wed May 14, 1:39 AM ET Avg. Rating: 4.7

DEERFIELD, Mo. - Pumpjacks, the oil rigs that resemble those thirsty bird toys, are going up in Missouri for the first time in two decades, the latest region to revive a long-faded industry as crude nears $130 a barrel.
[...]
Now if the rest of our oil rich states would just follow suit.



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What A Relief

Not that I'm catholic or give a flying fuck what the residents of the Vatican think or say, but:
Vatican: It's OK to believe in aliens
AP - Tue May 13, 4:07 PM ET Sent 2,128 times

VATICAN CITY - Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican's chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday.
[...]
Whew! And I thought all those people were residents!



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Spam Subject of the Day

" I find you interesting"
Can't say that I blame you.



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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Uh-Oh

Maybe it's just me, but being a guy and all, this would have to be one of the most frightful scenarios in the world:





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Spam Subject of the Day

"I caught you naked [my name]"
Doubtful, but oh well. Hope you enjoyed the show.



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Monday, May 12, 2008

So How Was Your Weekend?

Hopefully, better than his:

Driver gets in wreck, sees his home catch fire, gets ticket
AP - Fri May 9, 5:27 PM ET

ROCK ISLAND, Tenn. - One moment, Justin Hill was turning into his driveway. Minutes later he was being flown to a hospital as his home went up in flames. Then he got a traffic ticket.

Hill, 42, got into a crash after turning into the path of an oncoming car Tuesday evening, said Tennessee Highway Patrol Officer Monte Terry. Hill's wife heard the crash and ran outside, leaving the kitchen stove, where she had been cooking, unattended.

Within minutes, their Rock Island trailer was on fire, and firefighters who had responded to the accident found themselves fighting the blaze.

The rural central Tennessee home had extensive damage. Hill was treated at the hospital and released, but he was cited in the accident for failure to yield.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Largest asss in the world"
Wow! I think I got spammed by Oprah!



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Saturday, May 10, 2008

A Funny

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into Downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened; what's the hold up?'

'Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Barak Obama, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'

'About a gallon apiece.'






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Useful Information

After going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems, I have fixed my computer.

NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!





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Friday, May 09, 2008

Niiiiiicccce

Mmmmm, yummy.



Wanna see more:[+/-] show/hide more...










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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your dong must be strong"
BWAH!!!! Now that's funny!




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Thursday, May 08, 2008

Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: My husband of a year, "Michael," is everything a partner should be: generous, caring, supportive, intelligent, easygoing and optimistic. My ex-boyfriend, "George," is none of those things. He's controlling, obsessive-compulsive, inflexible and unhappy. Don't get me wrong, George has his good points; otherwise, we wouldn't have dated for four years. But while Michael fills my days with happiness and laughter, George was more the tear-inducing type. My problem is that when it comes to the bedroom, George really rang my bell. Sex with Michael is very pleasant and usually fulfilling, but George could set me on fire. Please know that I wouldn't touch George with a 10-foot pole. We broke up for valid reasons, and my husband is my one true love (forgive the cliche). I just wish that Michael and I could have the level of intensity that I had with George. How do I get back into that mindset?

--- LONG ON LOVE, SHORT ON SPARK IN THE U.K.
Well now Sparky, or should I say "Sparkless". Grow the fuck up and quit whining. Maybe you're not the most exciting fuck either. Maybe you are a drag in the sack, laying there like a wet dishrag. You don't like the way he fucks you, do something different. Maybe pounce on him a little more. Get kinky. Expand your horizons a bit.
Either that or go find some other poor bastard that could float your boat. You know, a little on the side maybe? Someone who can put up with your whiney-assed shit?

Self centered bitch.




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Good Gawd

What with all the hate for Tibet, that's gotta piss China off:
Tibetan woman holds Olympic flame atop Everest
1 hour, 12 minutes ago

EVEREST BASE CAMP, China (Reuters) - A Tibetan woman took the Olympic torch the last steps to the top of Everest on Thursday, realizing "a dream of all Chinese people," but Tibetan exiles criticized Beijing for politicizing the Games.
[...]
Oh well. Fuck 'em.

It amazes me that the commie, shit shipping, repressed, poor, underpaid, overworked, unhealthy, starving piece of shit country is hosting the olympics in the first place. But oh well. Who am I to say?






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Spam Subject of the Day

"More rod, more action"
Well, fishing season is coming up. I could use some new equipment.




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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"Please respond me"
Me.



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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Shit

Hi there! How's it going?
Good. That's what I thought.

Well, nothing exciting to blog about right now, howzabout a pile of fluff?:
  • Maid in HK court after sex with boss's teenage son Reuters - Tue May 6, 3:58 AM ET

    HONG KONG (Reuters) - A 45-year-old Indonesian maid admitted having sex with her Hong Kong employer's 14-year-old son after watching Internet porn together, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Statutory rape! It's not just for teachers any more!

Good gawd. Get a fucking life man.

  • Illinois man orders custom beer-can coffin AP - Mon May 5, 3:37 PM ET

    SOUTH CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. - Bill Bramanti will love Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally, and he's got the custom-made beer-can casket to prove it. "I actually fit, because I got in here," said Bramanti of South Chicago Heights.

P.B.R.? You want a beer can coffin and you get a P.B.R.? Nice, dude. You will always be remembered as being a lover of piss-water.

  • Japan city suspends official for surfing porn at work Reuters - Fri May 2, 5:03 AM ET

    TOKYO (Reuters) - A city bureaucrat in western Japan was suspended from his job after officials discovered he visited porn websites at work almost every day, often spending hours gazing at nude photos, a city official said.

Why? What's wrong with that?

Karma is a motherfucker, no? I'm sure the cops' bellies are still aching from laughing at that clown.

  • Oil hits record above $121 on supply woes AP - 41 minutes ago Sent 122 times
    VIENNA, Austria - Oil futures surpassed $121 a barrel for the first time Tuesday, the spike fueled by worries about threats to supply and a weakening of the U.S. dollar.
Don't even get me fucking started.

All the problems in the world - gas prices, people starving, cyclone killing tens of thousands, gay marriage - and we're more concerned with the welfare of one fucking bird?

Nice.

  • Former NY DA Pirro gets TV show AP - Mon May 5, 5:19 PM ET
    WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - A former district attorney is parlaying her experience as a legal commentator on television into becoming a judge on a TV show.
Yeah, just what we need. Another gawd-damn judge on teevee.


Okay, that's enough for now. I've made myself sufficiently disgusted for the day. How about you?




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Grow grass anywhere"
Grass? You mean like, the ganja? Or do you mean like, lawn?




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Monday, May 05, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"Sexual rejuvenatorSir/madam,Sir"
From the Department of Redundancy Department...




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Friday, May 02, 2008

Fuck Off Friday

Ahhhh. It's been such a long time since I did one of these. And sadly, I've already mentioned this sorry fuck before, but well, you can never tell him to fuck off often enough.

Sez the Senate Majority Leader:Help Democrats Lower Gas Prices Now
Today, Democrats proposed an amendment to provide immediate relief to consumers. The amendment introduced by Senator Menendez will provide more than $6 billion in relief directly to the American people by eliminating the federal tax for both gas and diesel for 60 days. During the period of this gas tax holiday, the cost of gas will be reduced by $0.184 per gallon and the cost of diesel by $0.244 per gallon. We will pay for this tax cut by eliminating tax breaks and giveaways to big oil.
WOW!!! A whole 18 cents per gallon! WOOHOO!!! A 5% drop in price!!!

I won't even make an extra trip to the hardware store for a 10% sale. Jeebus kreebus.

And on top of that, here in Nevada we have a revised statute that says something along the lines of any cut in federal fuel tax must be made up by an increased state fuel tax. So we here in the Silver State would end up with no price break anyway.

Now it wouldn't surprise me if other states do the same thing too. As greedy as it sounds, the reasoning is this. There are road projects budgeted, funds allotted, and even work in progress that are relying on money being there. Since the federal government matches certain amounts of highway funds for each state (which comes from fuel taxes), that money won't be there. So now it's up to the state to pay the money they budgeted for the shit.

So what it amounts to is just more attempted feel good bullshit from the same old sorry-assed senator from Nevada - who you would think would already know about this statute and know that it would do no good.

This same sorry-assed senator says "It's all Bush's fault" when it comes to fuels costs, but yet is dead set against oil drilling or refining domestically, clean burning coal fired power plants, or even nuclear power.



So with that I say,

Harry Reid
FUCK OFF!

Oh, and did I mention he's trying to do away with term limits? Yup, gone to the supreme court and everything! That's right. He doesn't want to leave the senate because he has too much left undone.

My personal belief is that term limits were designed for a reason. And the sooner he's gone the better.



Prior "Fuck Off"s:
Dubai
Rappers
Halloweenies
Harry Reid
Celebrity attention whores
Gun Fearing Wussys
Cindy Sheethead


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A Funny

Yeah, I know. It's sick, but it still made me chuckle:




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Good afternoon, I have a good software"
Yeah, so do I. I write it myself.




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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Pen Pal Needed

Would you be my friend?



When you have an extra oh, 15 minutes or so, go watch this video and tell me if your blood don't boil.

If you don't have the time, here's a quick synopsis of the story she tells:
A woman, first-grade teacher, is getting ready for bed on night and in through the front door busts a man with a gun. He takes her money from her, then forces her into her car and takes her to an ATAM to get more money. He then drives her to an empty field, rapes her, then shoots her in the back three times. He takes off leaving her for dead, but she manages to get to a house in the distance where she is taken in by a former soldier and is saved.

This is the fucker that did it:


Name: Jamaal Turner
Inmate I.D.: #1117268


What’s up? My name’s Jamaal. I’m twenty-three years old and I am currently looking for a woman that I can communicate and connect to.
Like I connected with the woman I raped and shot three times.

Someone who is willing to become friends and can possibly later on down the line can build that friendship into a relationship.
A quick one. One that ends with a bullet in your belly. Well, two ... no, it was three. Well, four counting the one from my dick.

I really like women who are not afraid to say what’s on her mind. Someone who loves to express her feelings and enjoys voicing her opinions.
Opinions like "PLEASE! NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! HELP ME!"

I like to talk about any and everything.
Like "Take your clothes off." And "Do you want to turn around before I shoot you?"

I love to read. Especially urban books.
And the numbers on the money I take from your purse and bank account.

The color of your skin does not matter to me at all.
It will be covered in red when I'm done with you.

Your personality, your character and the way you conduct yourself does.
Like when you lay on the ground sobbing.

It’s who you are, not what you are. Someone who is smart, beautiful, has a great sense of humor, and someone who is understanding.
Understand you're going to die bitch.

I have many goals in life that I have yet to accomplish.
Like getting paroled.

Many places I have not yet seen.
Like

I like to travel, party, play basketball and enjoy life.
I travel from the cell to the yard every day.

If you’re curious, hit me up. Take a chance. What can it hurt.
No more than a stiff dick or a bullet.

Life is too short. Explore it. Enjoy every moment of it. One.
With any luck, he will get to 'enjoy' life a very long, long, looooong time for this fucker.


Prison is way to good for some people.

Hat tip: C&M

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Let Them Drink Oil - Updated

I moved this post back to the top because I just stumbled across a cartoon that I thought needed to be added:



So, remember way, way back when you were just a kid and you were sitting there at the dinner table fiddling with your food, stirring it around and trying your best to have your mother just give up and release you to go outside and play? It never worked, did it? No, she would hound you into cleaning up your plate because "there are kids starving in China."

I never did subscribe to the rationality that me somehow eating everything on my plate would fill the belly of a starving child in another country. I always thought that by throwing my leftovers in the garbage, the kid would at least have a stab at retrieving it, if he happened to make a quick trip over here and cruise on up and rifle through the dump a while.

Nonetheless, I'm sure we've all lived through a similar scenario.

Well, fast forward to oh, say, right about now. You're an adult - at least physically - and have a different mindset about wasting food. It just isn't a good idea. Why? It ain't cheap. A quick trip to the grocery store can snag a C-note out of the wallet wid a quickness.

What with our old friend Economy - as in inflation/recession - well, no matter what president you blame it on, something is usually skyrocketing or something is in the toilet. Either way, people get financially hurt because of it, which does nothing but cut into businesses profits, forcing cutbacks, which cost people jobs, which causes slowdowns in spending, which cut into businesses profits, .... rinse repeat.

But, and here is the original point I was trying to make, people in [insert third-world country] are still hungry. Even if it ain't "some poor kid in China", there are people all over the world still starving.
But instead of the world growing more food to help solve this hunger, the trend seems to be to grow all sorts of plants - including food plants, to make ethanol.

The latest craze is to hoard and overprice rice. Rice fer hell's sake! There is no shortage, there is (and this may sound like a very 70's fuel shortage) an artificially created shortage by dumb-asses though.

So we have rising fuel prices which of course cause rising prices of well, everything including food, and we have rising prices of food because of food being used for something besides food. I don't fucking get it. Double whammy caused by greed maybe?

The United States has fuel reserves enough right here to be self sufficient for hundreds of years. There are hundreds if not thousands of drill sites that have been drilled, proven productive, then capped. There are thousands of tons of coal. There are thousands of cubic meters of untapped natural gas. But no, we import almost all our petroleum products, and grow food to convert to 'green' fuels because that seems to be the trend of the decade. Remember how all goofy and 'Earth First' the country went back in the seventies? How we were going to run out of oil? How everyone started making economy cars? How gas prices doubled overnight? Sound familiar?

This doesn't need to happen again but it is. We have the oil. Now we do need alternate forms of energy - and bio-fuels could very well be one - but it can't and won't be a light switch that is suddenly flipped. There are mass consequences to jumping on this bandwagon and I think we're right in the middle of witnessing the beginning of some of them.

How do we fix it though? To start with, we should all take a few minutes and choke the fuck out of a greenie or three for causing enough 'do good' shit to where we now have so much undue regulation we haven't even built a refinery in 25 gawd-damn years. . We can't process the oil we have here because what refineries we do have are overloaded

Next, maybe nuke a raghead country or two, for not only being dumb shits, but for continuing the agreements stupid fucking politicians made with OPEC back in the day forcing us to import our oil instead of using what we already have.

I won't even bother with politicians. You would run out of bullets before you ran out of idiots.

I dunno. It just doesn't make sense to me.





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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I'm 34 years old, married for 16 years. I was 18 when we married, and he is older. I was in love and thought, like many women, that I would live happily ever after. What a crock! My problem is this: I have completely outgrown this man. He treats me like one of the kids and demands control of everything I do. He can be abusive at times. I really want to leave him because I have no love in my heart for him anymore. Earlier this year I took my kids to my mother's and stayed for two weeks. I felt liberated. The thing is, I cannot support my kids by myself. I went back to him against everything I felt. Even if I press for child support, because of what he earns, this would not be much. I only make $24,000 a year, and I have tried to make a budget out of that, but I cannot make it. My only other option is to get a second job, and then what kind of mother would that make me? I don't know what to do. I cannot stay in our house. He has said many times that this is his house and everything in it is his, as well. He said he would destroy everything before giving me anything. I don't want anything but my sanity and independence. How do I go about doing that and give my kids the life they deserve?
Well that's an easy one. Kill the fucker and collect the insurance money.

I mean, gee whiz! You said he is abusive, right? Clock him with the iron sometime when he's fast asleep, then knock yourself in the face a couple times to make it look good.

Problem solved.




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Score Another One For The Good Guys

U.S. air strike kills al Qaeda boss in Somalia

[...]
"Infidel planes bombed Dusamareb," Shabaab spokesman Mukhtar Ali Robow told Reuters by phone, referring to a town in central Somalia, where body parts lay strewn round a wrecked house.

"Two of our important people, including Ayro, were killed."
[...]
WOOHOO!!! Let's here it for the infidels!




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Spam Subject of the Day

"La Vente Priv�e McGregor est ouverte?"
Sorry, no Parlez-vous the français.



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