Curious

Okay, what in the holy hell kind of a contraption is this?:



Re: Pat Metheny Group



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just An F.Y.I.

Quizno's Prime Rib Cheese Steak sandwich is the shit.


Buuuurrrrrp.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Funny

Via email:

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent and self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she was about to sit and contemplate ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

"One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don't fucking think so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"He bushmaster it shirley"

And don't call me "Shirley".



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-track: "Nights in white satin..."

Curmudgeon: "Sheets?"

8-track: "Never reaching the end"

Curmudgeon: "Uuhhh, sure."

8-track: "Letters I've written"

Curmudgeon: "Yaaawwwn"

8-track: "Never meaning to send"

Curmudgeon: "Yaaaaawwwwwnnnn"

Curmudgeon: "ZZZZZZzzzzzz......"
.
.
.
8-track: "Breathe deep, the gathering gloom"

Curmudgeon: "Hello? Whuzzat?"

Curmudgeon: "ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz......"


*


Update: If you're a glutton for punishment and maybe want to read previous conversations, go here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or maybe even here.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Chuckle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rocket Surgeons

Circumcision recommended to fight HIV

AP - Wed Mar 28, 5:54 PM ET Sent 225 times

GENEVA - U.N. health agencies recommended Wednesday that heterosexual men undergo circumcision because of "compelling" evidence that it can reduce their chances of contracting HIV by up to 60 percent.
[...]

Newsflash!

I have a couple other suggestions for you on how to reduce AIDS:

• Stop butt-fucking, and
• Put down the needle, dumbass

Yeah, I know. It's not just fags and junkies who get AIDS. However, they are the ones more likely to have it, and if one has it, shouldn't he refrain from passing it along?

Should not the pitcher keep his dick tucked in his shorts rather than kill someone?
Shouldn't the catcher refrain from sticking his ass in the air to take a load of death sentence?

And you! Mr. or Mrs. Junkie; you want it that bad that you've decided to kill yourself for it?
Evidently.

As far as third or fourth world countries go, they're doomed. Helpless and hopeless. The only way they're going to get rid of the disease is to keep passing it along until they've killed each other off.
Enlightenment? More money? Naw. That ain't going to work. Not as long as their governments keep intercepting both.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fools

This is a hoot.

"10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped."

Remember, the people duped live amongst us:

-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.

-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.

-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.

-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.

-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.

-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.

-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.

-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOOHOO!

Alzheimer's vaccine works on mice: Japan scientist

Thu Mar 29, 2:49 AM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japanese scientists have developed an oral vaccine for Alzheimer's disease that has proven effective and safe in mice, the director of a research institute behind the project said on Thursday.
[...]

Good news! Now they can remember where the cheese is!

Yeah, I know. Hardee-har.


shuddup.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Join the thousands of people who got slim"

What, and be just another conformist?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score Another One For The Good Guys

Texas signs new self-defense by gun law

Reuters - Tue Mar 27, 3:42 PM ET Sent 443 times

DALLAS (Reuters) - Criminals in Texas beware: if you threaten someone in their car or office, the citizens of this state where guns are ubiquitous have the right to shoot you dead.
[...]

Glad to see it. Personal space is personal space and shouldn't be limited to your house. What with all the gun-totin' crazies out there now, people have a right to defend themselves anywhere.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From The 'Duh' Files

Final report released on Colo. standoff

BAILEY, Colo. - A gunman who sexually assaulted students as he held them captive in a high school classroom last fall claimed to have lost touch with reality, investigators said in a chilling final report on the attacks.
[...]

Gee. Ya' think?

Blimey! Growing Some Stones Luv?

Sorry. Yeah, I know. I suck trying to mimmick the dialect.

Anyway,

Britain turns up heat on Iran, woman to be freed
19 minutes ago

LONDON (Reuters) - Iran said it would free a woman among 15 British sailors held since last week after Britain presented evidence it said showed they were captured in Iraqi waters and turned up the pressure by halting official contacts with Iran.
[...]

Fucking towel heads. Again I say, time to git off'n yer bloody arses and show them you're serious.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shitty Story

From FOXNews.com:Bulldozers Work to Clear Sewage From Streets of Gaza Town

UMM NASER VILLAGE, Gaza Strip — Dozens of bulldozers and trucks worked furiously Wednesday to shore up a network of sewage basins in northern Gaza, a day after the collapse of one basin flooded a village with waste and killed five people.
[...]

Most of the middle east is a big pile of shit anyway, now it's even worse.
Sure, I feel sorry for the innocents, but maybe if they spent a little more time building things properly instead of ass-up to Allah, or trying to convince other nations their "my god is better than your god", 'shit' like this wouldn't happen.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Gimme your thoughts on this"

Okay, here are my thougts: Go fuck yourself.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My My

They grow up so fast.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Non-Issue

New, unknown climate zones seen by 2100: study

Reuters - Tue Mar 27, 4:28 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Global warming could re-make the world's climate zones by 2100, with some polar and mountain climates disappearing altogether and formerly unknown ones emerging in the tropics, scientists said on Monday.
[...]

So what's the problem?
Morons in South America are clear cutting and burning rain forests to the tune of thousands or even millions of acres a month so they can grow cocaine crops, which in turn reduces the planet's ability to remove carbon dioxide and replenish our oxygen supply.
So if the ice packs recede and turn areas farther north and south into tropic zones, more trees will grow, which in turn will make up the difference of the missing trees in the rain forests.

Problem solved!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score Another One For The Good Guys

Let's see. That makes two in so many weeks?

Australian pleads guilty at Guantanamo

Mon Mar 26, 11:27 PM ET

GUANTANAMO BAY U.S. NAVAL BASE, Cuba (Reuters) - Australian David Hicks, the first prisoner to face a new U.S. war crimes tribunal, unexpectedly pleaded guilty on Monday to a charge of helping al Qaeda fight American troops and their allies during the U.S.-led invasion of Afghanistan.
[...]

Tell me again how important it is to let these prisoners go, since they've been there too long.






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Big Brother

In case you didn't know, cell phones have GPS tracking capability. Mine is shut off, but a lot of people don't turn theirs off.

Take a look at this Cell phone GPS tracking site and see if you can find someone you know.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Welcome Deni!

I just "met" someone who ... well, she cracks me the fuck up.

She is someone who Mrs Curmudgeon met in her quest to attend every gawddamn Goo Goo Dolls concert in the country. Well, overseas for that matter, but praise Allah she hasn't gone to that extreme yet.

Anyway, Deni is a hoot! And anyone who despises that fucked up loser Sean Penn as much as she and I do deserves a link and a read.

To wit:

"I hate Sean Penn....I know, strong words....and I don't use them very often....but this asshole is about the most anti-American, ignorant, dickwad I think I have ever heard TRY to talk politics....First of all...he's ignorant...OK, he's a "graduate" of Hollywood High which means he didn't really go to school at all....then he flunked out of an automotive repair program at a junior college. So he can play-act...who the fuck do most of these actors think they are? They act like we will all stop and listen in awe every fucking time they open their mouths. Yes, this is America. He does have the right to say whatever he wants....but I also have the right to bash him for it. "
[...]

Go ahead and read the rest. She lays it out quite well.











~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"okonchatelno pochuvstvoval"

Parle vous sie deutch por favor?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And From The "Duh" Files...

Anna Nicole Smith died of drug overdose Reuters

13 minutes ago

DANIA BEACH, Florida (Reuters) - An accidental overdose caused last month's sudden death of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith, Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger said on Monday.
[...]

Never would have guessed that.


"I-Immmma gonner...Leemme 'lone now dammitsshhh. I-I-...I toleya I wun'nt f-f-feel uh, feelin' sho-gooodnnnnn..."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uuuhhh, Make Up Your Mind

Lesbian argues Ga. gays can't adopt kids

Yeah, whatever. Blah blah blah.
Tykes for dykes.

But the real story here is this:

[...]
Aside from a few gay friends, she has turned away from the gay community. She no longer dates, and doesn't go to gay clubs or events any more. She said she is rethinking whether she is still a lesbian or whether she should abandon dating for good.
[...]

Rethinking whether she is lesbian or not? She can't decide? She don't know?
How many more yodels down the canyon will it take for her to make up her mind?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Any Excuse

Iran says detained Britons well, location secret

24 minutes ago

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran says British sailors it detained are well but has not disclosed where they are being held, Britain said on Monday, as tension over their capture and Tehran's nuclear plans sent oil prices to a 2007 high.
[...]

Oh yes. A fucking camel trips and oil companies raise prices.
Habib farts and ... you guessed it. Up go the prices.

Give me a fucking break. Summer is on the way and oil prices are going to go up once again.
Even if those gawddam Iranian camel fuckers let the brits go, oil prices won't come down any, and it will still be dubya's fault.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Have elvaston himself goochland"

I've often wondered that.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmmm. I Wonder...

Iran seizes 15 British Navy personnel
18 minutes ago

BASRA, Iraq (Reuters) - Iranian forces seized 15 British Royal Navy personnel who had searched a merchant ship on Friday, Britain said, triggering a diplomatic crisis at a time of heightened tensions over Tehran's nuclear ambitions.
[...]

Since the Brits were in such a hurry to leave Iraq - withdraw their support for us over there - I wonder if they're maybe going to want a little support from us with Iran?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Never scrub your toilet bowl again"

What makes you think I do now?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe Not To This Extreme, But

Aahhh... Fresh air at last.

A lot of people have lost their jobs in Nevada because of it.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fukkem

BWAAAHHH!!!!
Those rat-bastard commie pinkos will never have the opportunity to be enlightened by The Curmudgeon:



Clik the pik to see if yours is blocked too.

Hat tip goes to Mr. Schlong.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Funny

I stole't this one from Pammy:

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers, "I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phuk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check It Out!

It's Hoss, Little Joe, Adam and Ben!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"24 ladders in one"

No thatnks. I'd probably just hurt myself.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAMMIT PEOPLE!!!

People move blogs, delete blogs, stagnate, ... And now Freddie's gone and removed comments.
Is there no consistency in this world of ours?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stew On This

We've all heard the stories about how bad the Veteran's Administration hospitals are, and how badly their patients are treated. Or rather, not treated.
Now keep in mind that it's the government who is running those.

The same people who would be responsible for socialized medicine were it to be implemented.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vertigo Anyone?

Astronaut's small step opens Grand Canyon Skywalk
By Tim Gaynor Tue Mar 20, 9:37 PM ET

GRAND CANYON WEST, Arizona (Reuters) - Indian elders and a former astronaut took the ceremonial first steps on Tuesday on a glass-bottomed walkway perched 4,000 feet over the Grand Canyon that promises dizzying views for those who dare.
[...]

That would be so fucking cool. Scary, but cool.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damn Canuks

Owners frantic over pets amid pet food recall

By Anupreeta Das Tue Mar 20, 6:55 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A massive pet food recall has touched a nerve with pet-loving Americans, many of whom see their pets as family members.

The recalled products, manufactured by Menu Foods of Ontario, Canada, account for 1 percent of pet food sold in the United States, the Food and Drug Administration has said.
[...]

They're trying to get to us through our pets now...

Where's that tin foil? I lost my hat.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"his is rustproof"

Big deal. So's mine.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's This Shit, Stormin' Mormon?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

French Military Technology

Look at the incredible range and accuracy of this anti-tank missile:




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"That capacitate on shawl"

Oh yeah, talk dirty to me...




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holoscan Schmoloscan

Since I can't comment on Erica's blog, (For all of you who hold Holoscan in such high regard, well, it sucks) so I'll go ahead and comment here.

I mentioned our weather in this post, and Erica mentioned something on her blog to the tune of "...screw you."

Oh, Erica. I'm sure you mean that in the most loving way. ;)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Giggle

Made me chuckle.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahhh.., Spring Is In The Air

At least around here.

The flowers are blooming, the trees are getting their leaves, and gas prices are shooting up again akin to the last couple summers.

Yes, we'll be seeing more of the same shit. $3-plus per gallon, the cute little .jpgs with "Arm, Leg, First-born" for the prices on the gas station sign, "It's all Bush's fault" scattered around blogs.

But yet, supply and demand - that's what drives it. People use more gas during the summer taking trips, and as long as oil companies can get that much per gallon of gas they're going to charge it.

It's already up to $2.81 in my little burg, how about you?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"titel enzKortom komende"

Uh, no thanks. Not today.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outta Here

I'll be outta town this weekend, so I won't get to pop in and say "Merry St. Paddy's Day".

So in advance, "Merry St. Paddy's Day!"







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In My Quest To Become Multi-Lingual

I had a conversation with myself whilst getting ready for work this morning, half being in German:

Me: So ...


Me:


Me:


Me: [spit]


Me:


Me:


Click.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fuck Off Friday

Updated: Upon reflection, I thought this would be better expressed as a Fuck Off Friday. Especially since i haven't done one for a spell.

This has got to be the stupidest quote from the stupidest bunch of fucking stupid morons I have ever read:

"Concealed weapons are a threat, just like all other firearms in the community, ..."

I don't know about these idiots, but where I come from, you have to have a pretty good set of skills, and attend quite a truckload of education in order to be qualified to even apply for a CCW (Carry Concealed Weapon) permit.

The article starts out thus:

A while back we gave kudos to a South Dakota paper for putting the list of CCW permitholders in that state online and searchable– the public has a right to know who chooses to endanger their communities by carrying a concealed weapons.
[...]

They actually believe people who carry a concealed weapon LEGALLY are a danger to their little pussy asses.

NEWSFLASH! It's usually not good, honest, law-abiding citizens who commit crimes. And I guaran-fucking-tee that most CCW holders are not in that group.

So Gun Fearing Wussy Guys:

Fuck Off.

Like they say, "With friends like the Gun Pussies Guys, who needs enemies."


Hat tip: Dick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would That I Had Such A Problem

DEAR MARGO: With the subject of breast augmentation coming up so often in your column, I could use some input on a situation in our family. My husband has a brother with a live-in girlfriend. A few years ago, he confided in my husband that he just couldn't deal with her having small breasts, and at his urging, she was getting implants.

At the next family gathering, it was obvious that the procedure had, indeed, been done. As time went on, their investment in her chest apparently went unnoticed, so she began showing up at family events with less and less of her new assets covered.

At the family Thanksgiving this year, she showed up in a see-through black lace top. For Christmas, she wore a couple of strips of cloth for a shirt that barely covered the tips of her now enormous breasts.
[...]

Let me offer a little advice: Shut the fuck up and quit your whining. You're just jealous and there's no need to punish everyone else in the room because of your insecurities.

Start wearing less clothes yourself, and maybe even get up on the table so you can dance around and show things off a little. That'll put her in her place.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just An F.Y.I.

All you northerners and nor' easterners who have been dealing with temps hovering in the teens and barely above:
I had to turn on my A/C last night it was so friggin' warm in the house.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

" Do you want your dick be even more attractive than your face?"

The only response this one gets is a picture:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Think This Is Sofa King Cool

Click here.
Then in the box that says "Related To Story", click on the link that says

Video: Lion Gives Bear Hug, Kiss

Amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shit! I Missed It!

Yesterday was

Steak And BJ Day

Maybe I get get Mrs. Curmudgeon to make up for it today.


Update: Well, Mrs C and I went out to dinner last night and I had a big, juicy steak.

End of story.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BWAH!

Hard-core porn interrupts news show

AP - Wed Mar 14, 9:29 PM ET

MESA, Ariz. - A cable news program was temporarily replaced with hard-core pornography, shocking viewers who had been watching a health show featuring former NBC News anchor Tom Brokaw. The incident Monday night on KPPX-TV was "an act of human sabotage" at the Phoenix-area station, said ION Television, which operates the station.
[...]

I've got five bucks says someone is looking for a job.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fat Chance

Something's fishy about $1,000 New York pizza

Reuters - Wed Mar 14, 9:28 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A New York restaurateur has cooked up the world's most extravagant pizza -- a $1,000 (516 pound) pie topped with six kinds of caviar and fresh lobster.
[...]

You can sugar coat a dog turd, but it's still a dog turd.

Not that pizza is shitty, but there just ain't no pizza worth one thousand dollars.
They're taking perfectly good beer food and fucking it all up here. Not to mention putting lobster on a pizza. Sinful.

Lobster should be treated with more respect. Broiled, dipped in drawn butter, savored bite by bite, ... Mmmmmmmm.

I think I just got a woody.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bah

Al Qaeda suspect admits organizing 9/11

Wed Mar 14, 11:27 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Al Qaeda suspect Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has claimed he organized the September 11 attacks on the United States and a string of others, according to the transcript of a military hearing at the U.S. detention camp in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, released on Wednesday.
[...]

Hard to say. Maybe he had something to do with it, maybe he had everything to do with it. Then again, maybe he had nothing to do with it.
Maybe, just maybe - he swung a deal with all his buddies to confess so they could get set free to do more damage.

But nevertheless, I'm glad we've kept them there this long. Let's keep them around a little longer and see what else we can come up with.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So. Whad'dy Think?

Are all cancers caused by nothing more than a parasite?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Turn back the clock"

GAWDAMMIT!! I JUST TURNED IT FORWARD!!!

Oh. Not that clock.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another One Bites The Dust

Back in November I wrote about the Stardust going the way of most older casinos here in town.
Well, they blew the fucker all to hell Monday night.

Go here and take a look at the pictures.

Sorta sad. Not only are we losing all the old-school casinos to the new 'mega-resorts', I did a stint as a bus boy there once when I was hard up for a job.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Day In History

Happy Friggin' B'day Al:

1879 : ALBERT EINSTEIN BORN:

On March 14, 1879, Albert Einstein is born, the son of a Jewish
electrical engineer in Ulm, Germany. Einstein's theories of special
and general relativity drastically altered man's view of the universe,
and his work in particle and energy theory helped make possible
quantum mechanics and, ultimately, the atomic bomb.
[...]

Wanna have Albert write something for you? Go here.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"gunnysack mite"

Yeah, those things can be a bitch.
Especially if you're a hillbilly making your own clothes.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twins

Now here's a photo of Paris and Brittney that I'll bet you haven't seen before.

Careful now, they're NEKKID!
[+/-] show/hide the twins









~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Kill A Mockingbird

Yes. I will. That fucker sits in the tree and fucking sqawks again tonight like it did last night, the pellet gun will be used.

It's been nice here lately. high 70's to mid 80's. So i left the window open last night.
Well, around three in the fucking a.m., that thing decides it's lonely. Starts making all sorts of chirps, trills, whistles, ... you name it, that spawn of the devil spouted it.

Now you would think that several rocks hurled at it say, warp six would have made it think it was time to move on. Well, you would be wrong for thinking that. "Mock"ingbird? Exactly. The more rocks I threw, the more noise it made.

Bastard.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Grin

These gave me a good chuckle:

Somewhat NSFW cartoons:
[+/-] show/hide the shit










~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BWAH!

Bet on for fate of Heather Mills' leg

Reuters - Mon Mar 12, 3:33 AM ET

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An online gambling site is taking bets on whether Heather Mills' artificial leg will fall off during her upcoming appearance on "Dancing with the Stars."
[...]

Now THAT'S funny.

I'm going to go out on a 'limb' and say she uses extra glue to give her a 'leg up' that night.

Anyone care to take me up on that bet?

Break a leg Heather!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"sluts need really hard fuck"

This I know.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Funny

Here's a new one on me.

While there are many common names for guys abusing themselves; "Yanking the crank", "Whacking off", "Choking the chicken" and so on, I've never seen or heard such a complete list for the private sessions women have. So without further delay, here you have it:

The many names for female masturbation:

3 Point Shot
A Night in With the Girls
Airing the Orchid
Auditioning the Finger Puppets
Beat the Beaver
Beating Around the Bush
Brushing The Beaver
Carpet Bumping
Cat Got Tongue
Checking for Squirrels
Clam Bake for One
Cleaning your Fingers
Clitters
Coming Into Your Own
Countering Cunts
Creamin'
Coming Into Your Own
Cunt Cuddling
Dialing the Rotary Phone
Digging a Trench
Doing your Nails
Dousing the Digits
Drilling For Oil
Engaging in Safe Sex
Erasing the Problem
Fanning the Fur
Feeding the Bearded Clam
Feeding your Slot
Fiddling the Bean
Fingerbating
Fingerpainting
Finger Blasting
Flickin' the Bean
Flit your Clit
Fucking Without Complications
Gagging the Clam
Gagging the Lips of Love
Genital Stimulation via Phalangetic Motion
Get a Lube Job
Get To Know Yourself
Get a Stinky Pinky
Going Mining
Groping the Grotto
Greasing your Hips
Grissle Rub
Gusset Typing
Having Sex With Someone you Love
Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw
Hitchhiking South
Hitchhiking to Heaven
Hitchhiking Under the Big Top
Jillin' Off
Jocelyn Eldering
Let Your Fingers do the Walkin'
Levy Break Limbo
Making Soup
Manual Override
Muffin Buffin'
Nulling the Void
Paddling the Pink Canoe
Pampering the Pussy
Parting the Red Sea
Pearl Fishing
Pet the Petunia
Pet the Pussy Cat
Polishing the Nugget
Polishing the Peanut
Polishing the Pearl
Play Poker
Play the Clitar
Play Couch Hockey for One
Play the Silent Trumbone
Playing With Her Pineapple
Playing with Mrs. Palmer's Five Daughters
Playing With the Man in the Boat
Pushing the Button
Pussy Soccer
Riding the Unicycle
Rolling the Dough
Rubbin' the Nubbin
Rubbing the Donut
Rubbing the Red Pussycat
Scoring the Hoop
Slapping the Mackerel
Soaking the Whisker Biscuit
Spelunking
Spearing the Bearded Clam
Squeeze the Peach
Strumming
Strumming the Banjo
Surfing the Channel
Teasing the Kitty
Teasing the Tuna Taco
Testing the Plumbing
The Virgin's Release
Tickling the Taco
Tiptoe Through the TwoLips
Toggling the Bit
Tossing Pink Salad
Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
Two Finger Taco Tango
Washing your Fingers

Because you needed to know.

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Headlines

Oh yes. An interesting weekend, and evidently an interesting week coming up.

First off, we have this:

Boston Singer Brad Delp Dies

Boston's Web site was taken down Friday night and replaced with one sentence: "We just lost the nicest guy in rock and roll."

Singer Brad Delp was found dead Friday at his home in Atkinson, New Hampshire. He was 55.

Authorities are investigating, but they do not suspect foul play.
[...]

A sad day in rock and roll. I love their music. Even saw them in concert once back in the day. Great show.

And from the "No Shit" department, we have this:

Documentary questions Moore's tactics

AUSTIN, Texas - As documentary filmmakers, Debbie Melnyk and Rick Caine looked up to
Michael Moore.

Then they tried to do a documentary of their own about him — and ran into the same sort of resistance Moore himself famously faces in his own films.
[...]

Go figger. They're finding out that Michael Moore-on withholds the full truths in his films to make them lop-sided.
Fucking DUH!


Now, from the "Get A Life" department, we have this:

Pi fans to meet March 14

AP - Sun Mar 11, 9:37 PM ET

This is a story about love. About inscrutable complexity and remarkable simplicity, about the promise of forever. It is about obsession and devotion, and grand gestures and 4,000-word love letters.

It is about a curious group of people with an almost religious zeal for a mind-numbing string of numbers.
[...]

Uh, yeah. That sounds like a thrill a minute there.


And finally:

You Can't Travel Back in Time, Scientists Say
While the idea makes for great fiction, some scientists now say traveling to the past is impossible.

While the idea makes for great fiction, some scientists now say traveling to the past is impossible.
[...]

Well, that does it. I am totally disappointed now. I had big plans.
Oh well. I guess I'll just have to stay put.


Okay, that's it for now. Time do do shit.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Can you hit the lamp"

Innate enough. But the text says:

"Squirt clear across the room..."

I don't care who ya' are. Thas' funny.



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Yeah, I Know

Wha-de-fuck am I doing posting on a weekend?

Well, since I took a day off during the week - and I don't have very many, if any, vacation days left - I came in today so I wouldn't get charged a vacation day.
But, that's fine. No one around to bug me. I may get something accomplished since I don't have to deal with phone calls all day.

We'll see.
This spring fever has got me thinking outside thoughts.


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Spam Subject Of The Day

"I nut go shatter"

Owie. Sound painful.




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WOOHOO!

Score one for the good guys:

SEC cracks down on spam-driven stocks

Reuters - Thu Mar 8, 1:27 PM ET Avg. Rating: 4.5

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Securities and Exchange Commission suspended trading on Thursday in the stocks of 35 small companies linked to spam e-mail campaigns urging small investors to buy shares.
[...]

We'll nail them through other means since they obviously have no conscience.




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Gotta Give Him Credit

Man chainsaws house in two in divorce split
Reuters - 2 hours, 19 minutes ago Sent 315 times

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorce by chainsawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck.
[...]

He's being proactive! That what's the world needs more of!



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"is acne ruining your life"

Uh, not for 30 years or so.




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A Chuckle

BWAH! Note the license plate:






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Loser

Refrigerator will toss you can of beer

AP - Thu Mar 8, 7:10 AM ET

RALEIGH, N.C. - When John Cornwell graduated from Duke University last year, he landed a job as software engineer in Atlanta but soon found himself longing for his college lifestyle. So the engineering graduate built himself a reminder of life on campus: a refrigerator that can toss a can of beer to his couch with the click of a remote control.
[...]

Wasting all that talent and enery. All he needs is a girlfriend or wife to do the same thing.



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All I Can Say Is Good...

You deserve it:

Man burns genitals in 'Jackass' stunt

AP - Thu Mar 8, 7:00 AM ET Sent 833 times

EAU CLAIRE, Wis. - Attempts to do a movie stunt landed one man in the hospital with burned genitals and another facing criminal charges. The men were trying to do a stunt from one of the "Jackass" movies, in which a character lights his genitals on fire.
[...]

Fuckin moron.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Handbags"

No thanks. Got plenty.




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Click

Well, I'll be out and about today. I have some out of town visitors and will be out and about with them.
So I'll leave you with a couple picture I took last saturday. Click on them to open them in a new window full sized.

The first two are of the moon I took just using a tripod. The first centered on purpose and the second offset on purpose:

The last one is of Saturn of course. I apologize for the fuzzyness of the picture due to my my inexperience, but I only got the adapter to connect the d-cam to the telescope saturday.
Anyway, save the picture and open it some sort of pictue viewer where you can zoom it a few times. You will start to see Saturns moons start to appear as fuzzy dots.
Four of the five most prominant moons are quite easy to spot in the picture, the last a little harder.
Look at the 2 o'clock position about 3 Saturn widths away and you'll see the first. Look directly below that moon and youll see the second.
The other two are directly left of Saturn (9 o'clock), just a couple or so widths away.

So enjoy, and I'll 'see' you tomorrow.

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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Fort laxative"

Good gawd.
Sounds like it should be a sit-com.
Fort Laxative: "A shity place to be stationed".




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Ain't It The Truth

One thing PC users can do that Mac users can't:

BWAH!


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So He's In Jail, Finds A Grenade And Shoves It Up His Ass

How the grenade got into the jail in the first place is a whole 'nuther critter, but then

Prisoner caught with grenade where?

Reuters - Fri Mar 2, 9:25 AM ET

SAN SALVADOR (Reuters) - An inmate at an El Salvador jail was caught with a hand grenade stuffed up his backside -- a novel attempt to disguise his apparent escape plans.
[...]

Well, after all that prison sex, his asshole can probably handle it. But still. Ick.
In the meantime though, when the time comes, he better be damn careful he pulls the whole thing out and not just the pin.




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Quickey

Off-duty Northwest employee charged

Mon Mar 5, 10:47 PM ET

MINNEAPOLIS - An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested after a woman on a flight from Seattle complained that the man had ejaculated on her.
[...]

According to an affidavit filed with the complaint, the woman said she was trying to sleep in her seat when the man sat down in an empty seat next to her. She said he touched her, and then got up and left. She then realized what had happened, and told flight attendants, according to the affidavit.
[...]

Is she sure he didn't just sneeze?



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Just A Reminder

Every once in a while, gun fearing wussy libtardsd need to be reminded:

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control laws" we ALREADY have, don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
26. "A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."

Thanks Patty.

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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Of pyrimidine so varnish"

Yes. And of conical so wax.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaahhhh...

So let me set the scene for you here.

It's a sunny March day, temperature around 70 degrees. Enough breeze to circulate the most wonderful scent of the blossoming plums around the yard,

mixed with the savoryaroma of the grill
getting ready for the burgers, brats and sausages.

Next, you throw one of these
(Arturo Fuente) into the mix,


and maybe a couple of these
chilled to perfection on ice.

Mix it all together with family and friends, and you have what we like to call out here a 'Sunday afternoon'.


Wish you could have been there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Or legatee he jelly"

No clue.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever Wonder What Bill Clinton Would Look Like With A Mustache?

Via email:





BWAH!
Thanks Patty ;)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[cough] Bullshit [cough]

So I get an email yesterday from a blogger I used to frequent, but who writes so infrequently that I don't visit there much any more.

That's okay though, this blogger is a bit too hippy-liberal anyway. Every time this blogger stops by here, I get some flaming remark about my narrow mindedness or wrongedness.

Anyway, here is the email which was forwarded to XXXXXXX by someone else:

Dear XXXXXXX,

On March 21st, I'll hand-deliver your message to Washington when I testify at Congressional hearings on the climate crisis.

Can you commit to finding 10 friends to send a message to Congress demanding immediate action?

Ask them to visit:

http://algore.com/cards.html

Here is my reply:

Bah!

I hope AlGore takes his phony phukking Oscar off his over sized mantle, caresses it gently with vaseline, and shoves it up his ass.
Then, I hope he strolls out of his oversized, fully electrified mansion to his oversized, polluting SUV and drives it to his private jet - which he is constantly flying around the country to promote his obsession - (whilst emitting even more of those hydrocarbons), and flies it straight to hell. Hopefully fully loaded with his DVDs.

I'll not deny the globe is warming. Big deal. Maybe it is warmer this year than last year.
But is it warmer then it was 1,000 years ago at this time? 10,000? 100,000?
No one knows. Did we cause it? Bullshit. One volcano eruption causes more shit to fly around than we mortals could cause in a hundred years or more.

I say fuck it. Let our children figure it out. They need a challenge anyway.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Women will love your new figure"

Hmm. Never thought of myself as having a 'figure'.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Organizational Skills

I'm a fairly organized individual.

If someone is working with me in my workshop and says something like "Do you have ...?", I can say "It's right there in the box, second drawer, near the left middle."
Maybe not quite as organized at work, but things are usually more hectic than at the house. I may not have as much time to be so anal.

And I really do appreciate people who are organized. Can't blame them. It usually makes everyone's life in their little world a bit easier.

Women like to keep piles of shit in their purses, but if you are one of their friends and need to borrow say, "The red lipstick", they can usually tell you "It's right there in the inside pocket next to my wallet.", or some shit like that.

But you fucking bitches that have to sit there in line and neatly tuck every fucking receipt, fucking pen, fucking tissue, fucking coffee mug, fucking reading glasses so you can wear you sun glasses, fucking wallet, and family fucking photos into your purse at the drive-up ATM while I'm in line behind you waiting to do my bidness, are just selfish fucking arrogant ... well, bitches.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spiffy Pic

Here's the story:

This image provided by NASA and taken by the New Horizons Long Range Reconnaissance Imager shows a 4-millisecond exposure of Jupiter and two of its moons on January 17, 2007.
The spacecraft was 68.5 million kilometers (42.5 million miles) from Jupiter, closing in on the giant planet at 41,500 miles (66,790 kilometers) per hour.
The volcanic moon Io is the closest planet to the right of Jupiter; the icy moon Ganymede is to Io's right.
The shadows of each satellite are visible atop Jupiter's clouds; Ganymede's shadow is draped over Jupiter's northwestern limb. (AP Photo/NASA)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No Surprises Here

McCain says he's in presidential race

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Sen. John McCain made it official on Wednesday that he is seeking the 2008 Republican presidential nomination and said he plans a formal announcement in April.

Well, he sucks as bad as any politician can suck.
If it ends up being between him and Hitlery, chances are I won't even bother voting. I wouldn't want to even be partially responsible for putting either of those idiots in office.

I will vote for other races, don't get me wrong. But not the prez.








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're Shitting Me, Right?

Black Voters Like Obama

No, really? I never would have guessed that.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Penetrate your partner for hours on end"

Ooohhh... Now that just sounds brutal.



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